After 30 years of marriage, my spouse and me seemed to be on totally different pages. I am the provider and she stays home. My kids are grown and gone. At first, I did not mind her staying home because we took care of each other and supported each other. But, I must now admit, it did bother me that she did not asked me if it would be okay to stay home. She just told me that God told her that He would bless me and she did not have to go to work. She went to college, but never finish. Now, she has 'her' ministry and I have to fend for myself. Even her pastor told her that ministry begins at home, but she does not see it that way. She feels I should be able to take care of myself. Her mind is totally on 'her' things. We tried counselling, but it did not work. All she would do is blame everything on me and says she has done nothing wrong. I feel totally stuck. We are having some financial problems, but she still says God does not want her to work. So now, she volunteers several days of the week, some during the day and some in the evenings. I am trying to get into a business so we an have a good future and retirement, but she said she does not think this business is how God is leading us.

So again, I feel so stuck. I feel I can not leave since she does not work and I can not afford to maintain two separate homes if I left. I have asked God, where is the fairness in this situation? I am not aksing my wife to submit, but lets' work and seek God toegether.

Where do I go from here?

Read the MB site to include Love Busters, Effective Communication, Emotional Needs etc.

Seek counseling.

Don't let her use God as a way to enforce her decisions. I mean you could tell her that God has told you that you need to start the business and that's that. What would be her response then I wonder?

OK, let's start from the beginning. Have you discussed the Marriage Builders program with her? If not, do so. Have her read and fully understand how this program works and why it works (fulfillment of each other's needs). Once she understands the concept, have her and you fill out the Emotional Needs Questionnaire. Then negotiate ways together as to how to meet each other's needs and then move on to Love Busters, etc.

It sounds to me like she is excluding you from her life. If you both follow this program she will come to realize that she is not meeting your emotional needs and you will both find ways to accomodate each other. Read EVERY page and letter, Q&A in this website. FULLY understand how this program works, and WHY it works. Gently lead your wife to understand the program and lead her through it. The program works independently of yours or her belief in God. Take the lead and let her know how important this is to you. She will understand.