Hi everyone,

I posted earlier on my situation on Have I lost it?

Lastest update: The OW emailed my husband yesterday and said that she did not want anything from him and she wanted to work on her relationship with her children and the children's father and that my husband wants what he wants and needs to back off because she is not sure that is what she wants.

I guess my husband at one time made the comment about her new baby - "come to daddy" and I guess that upset her and she told him that it is not his child and the child has a dad - so I am assuming that this child is not my husbands, but why would my husband make that comment. She also said she wanted to be friends with all that they have been through together - that was the end.

I guess my husband called her and left her a message with an angry tone. So she sent another email saying that she did not want to talk to him at all and she was sending all his stuff back and basically said she did not want any contact at all.

That night he called and and let me know that he made the decision that he would not be talking to her anymore and that she would not be a distraction at all. That her friendship was unhealty for him.

What do I do now? He called this morning and said I thought you would have called me last night and I felt like saying why? You got dumped so now you are interested in me? Basically for the last year me amd my children have been secondary to him. He has called me names, said the meanest things to me and ingored me and then is nice and then goes back. I have no trust in him at all. He has lied over and over again and that is hard to forget. I know he told this OW that our marriage was over and he was over me. This hurts!! I know he has romanced her and bought all sorts of stuff for her children and has done nothing for his own family.

What do I do? I am angry right now! Thanks for any input.

Sorry to read about your situation.

The way I see it you can view this 2 ways.

1. You probably feel you are number 2 choice, and why should you ever want to feel "The only reason you are with me is OW dumped you". True that happened, but you can bet he would have come back sooner or later regardless.

2. It works out for your benefit she dumped him, and she no longer wants contact. That will make NC easier.

Now you have to decide if you want to work on saving the M.

I would also use this to your advantage. Lay the ground rules. Make sure he knows any further contact is unacceptable, etc...

Also reading your other post regarding "wanting to make this work for the kids". That is totally understandable, and enough reason alone to fight for a M, but what do you want? Hopefully for your own personal reasons desire to remain married to this man.

I think you would both benefit from spending as much time if not more working on yourself, as well as the M.

Good luck to you and your family!

Well....if he truly wants to make your marriage work...then he has to work for it.

He can't just waltz back in and act like nothing happened. That should never happen.

BEFORE any decisions are made for Recovery then he is going to have to prove to you that he is sincere. Don't tell him what he needs to do....let him figure that out.

What you do want to tell him are what you are and are not willing to put up with anymore.

Set up your own boundaries.....and figure out what you really want.