Well, we took baby OC to my dd's friends birthday party. Her friend's mother is my friend, so she knows all about our situation, but the other parents didn't. It was a pool party, so I was in my bathing suit (bikini). I was wondering how many mother's thought I was a B#$%^ for looking so good with a 4 month old or who figured she must be adopted <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

All went well until the end of the party when one of the mother's said "Well, you look good after just having a baby!" Though I expected it I thought, whew we're outta here. I just looked at her and siad "I didn't just have a baby", "she's my step-daughter". I then just turned around and walked away (as I was gathering things up to go anyway). As I left them there speechless, I suppose I could have said more so they didn't feel bad for bringing it up, BUT I think it went OK for my first time and plus, I'll never see them again.

In the car on the way home, H apologized for me having to go through that, but we brainstormed on other ways I could handle it next time. We both figure as she gets older, I'll be able to escape the questions more, but that was such a direct question I was not going to escape it w/o lying. Oh well. Just thought I'd share my sort of funny story. Take care.

It's hard Cold. That's the hardest thing I dealt w/ OC, how to handle all the questions.

I'm glad you felt good about it and didn't let it bother you too much.

I think I would have been upset to have to deal with it.
I am glad that you can, I am very glad you have the strength.
Was your husband taking care of the child mostly?

What do your children say if they are asked questions about the oc?

My children are young, they just tell people she is their sister. Most people we know already know the sitch. But, I'm sure teachers, the pediatrician and their friends' parents who don't know will have questions (if they're bold enough to ask), but likely they won't be addressed to them.

I was resentful about it when I realized early on I would have to deal with this. I mean likely the xOW doesn't even have to be so uncomfortable when she explains. I mean, she can always say, her and OC's father broke up, end of discussion.

I did go straight over to H after the incident and tell him "It's time to go." It's funny, because he doesn't even ask questions or argue with me like he used to pre-separation/affair, it's like his main concern is now to make me happy. So, he just said Ok and finished rounding everybody up. I did see one of the women look at him like, "So, how'd you pull that one off buddy??" LOL I told him later in the car what happened.

It's funny because when I had my children I assumed most of the responsibilty of caring for the babies. I was/am a stay-at-home mom and I guess I just thought it was my job. I wish I would have delegated more and made H more involved, but now with OC, it's a no brainer. H did do most of the caring for OC while we were there, but I helped and played with her too. Before that question was aasked the other Mom's were porbably envious. I mean here I am with 4 kids, one only an infant, I'm in shape, they all behaved and H was a huge help with the baby. Kind of funny when you think about it.

I too feel that this will be the hardest part of having C. It's like having a contagious venerial disease, every new friend you meet, you eventually have to tell them the truth. I'm sure by the time all my children get through elementary school, the whole school will know my business. Oh well, I just try to remember that I'm happily married and have a great life, regardless as to what it looks like from the outside.

And don't forget ladies, 55% of marriage's have to deal with infidelity, that's greater than the divorce rate. Not many of them turn out like this, but most people aren't strangers to the idea that someone had an affair.

I do have to say that after that incident, I went inside and took baby from H while he rounded everything up and another mother and I got to talking (she had not heard the previous conversation). She asked how many children we had and I figured I had already spilled the beans so it didn't matter, so I said "well we have three, but this one is not mine, it's his." Without blinking she said "So, what are your other children's ages?", I said "3, 5 and 8". She said, "Oh, then you have four! Wow I don't know how you do it." And we continued our conversation about children like I had not said anything strange. I thought that was very nice and thoughtful of her. So, in my opinion, not everyone thinks we're just doormats.

So I figure either she had already heard the story (which is unlikely), she's a little slow, she has a screwed up family history herself, or just has a lot of class. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

CD, Thats quick thinking. I got the same thing at a family reunion. Most of the people there where pretty old and didn't know about the situation and I'm not wearing a T-Shrit explaining it. This one older lady asked "who's baby is that"? And I said my H's and she was like no, "who is the mother"? I just smiled and said she wasn't invited or here. But she was refering to weither the child was mine or my D's (she's 18) But the look on my H's face was just priceless! But this is what you will go though with the C issues. I mean the more we take Baby A out, the more it happens. And my D was like "I'm the only REAL child they have" Which she is. My D has a different father and he has a different mother. Its the situations of a blended family and all the newbies need to be aware of this and way's to approach it. But the truth or a short comment will do and the person who created the situation will have more to contend with as far as the just of it all.
Sunny D

I think I would have just said thanks and left them thinking "I was a B#$%^ for looking so good."

They don't ask questions but I can tell almost the exact moment when the thought crosses people's minds that I must have broke up H's fist marriage. (Not so; XW remarried even before I started dating H.) DD has same last name (H adopted DD), and youngest SS is 9mo younger than DD. It's even gotten worse over the years because I look much younger than I am and people can't believe I am the mother of teenagers (SS19, DD16 & SS15). I take a little time to explain if it is someone I want to get to know better. For others, I just enjoy the compliments about my age and leave them guessing. Either way you can tell a lot about people based on how they prejudge or respond.

fbwidow, Yes, I agree I could have easily said "thanks" and walked away, or when the other lady asked I could have just said "4" and left it at that, but this outing was also my own planned "dry run". I felt I was in a safe environment (my friend's) and anyone who needed explaining I was never going to see again anyway (mother's of her daughters classmates). It did help me think of "other ways" I could have handled things for future outings, so I think it helped.

I also think they could have thought that H and I were newlyweds and that he left pregnant W/GF and married me. Although it was obvious that the other three children were comfortable with both of us calling us Mama and Papa, so I don't know which one would have been the step-parent to them. Anyway, I think I left their heads spinnin'. LOL I just hope I get better with this in time.

Hey--a "dry run" is cool!! You did good, CDJ. Time to think about next time.

We've had OC visit for a year and there's still places I haven't tackled yet... Gradual is GOOD!!!

"Jenny"
OC visiting even while I type this...
Get lots of confusion from others as OC and my middle child of 3 are same age.