My husband is now asking me to help his mother again. To those who do not know my story, he had stopped asking me to do anything for him, even get him a glass of water. He could never say thank you for anything that I did.
He is now saying thank you and asking for my help.
Thank you Jesus for revealing your plan in your time, not mine. You knew along and I made clumsy attempts at trying to fix what only you could do.

KDH

understand that your H isn;t capable of a healthy relationship with anyone right now. Not you, not OW not his own sould not Almighty God.

He is self-deluded. Wise friend WAT says that WS have been kidnapped by aliens and replaced by pod people such is their illogic and dysunction !

Nothing you say or do catches his focus right now, only his peripheral vision. If you persistently behave in a marriagebuilding manner he will notice subconsciously and this may work through.

You are right that God is the one who works on WS. But I truly believe we must help ourselves with the tools, He gives us too.

God has used this mess to dismantle Squid to basic components and start reassembling her without flaws.

Her entitled/selfish streak has gone. Her taking me and her life for granted has gone. her conflict avoidance has gone. All replaced with humility, appreciation, love and communication.

I had to cleave unto Him and place Him at the head of my family, and to serve my family in a model of Christian headship. This has been hard and has taken every scrap of faith I had, but is working wonderfully.

Its terrible that we had to undergo the disaster of an affair to have these issues dealt with, but I cannot deny that I could not see any other way of this happening. We had grown too far apart.

KDH, love God and trust Him to guide you but please know you have a role to play too. Ask Him to guide your arm, to fill your mouth with words and your heart with pure love as you act and I believe you will be successful.

All blessings

Dear Bobpure,
Thank you for your kind advice. I can't help feel hopeful,after two months of my husband telling me that I was emotionaly unstable. (That was when I was investigating the cell phone calls, text-messages, looking through his vehicles, his wallets for any clue that would explain why after 26 years of marriage he could tell me he didn't love me and hadn't for 10 years.) I feel vindicated for suspecting him from the start of having an affair with the activities director. After confirmation, of my husband love-sick antics from the ow I now have peace. No matter what happens, I wasn't crazy, every single emotional meltdown was a result of me finding more evidence of my husband talking or text-messaging her after him denying he had any contact with her. He tried to make the counselor think I was obsessed and out of line. Ironicaly, he now doesn't want to use this counselor. This counselor is great but he now knows it was all smoke and mirrors game my husband was playing. My husband says he thinks the counselor will be too judgemental. I told him if I could come to grips with his affair, I'm sure the counselor could too.