I have tried to pull my feelings back for my wh and talk in general- I asked about the upcoming anniversary and holiday- and he tells me that I should keep my expectations low- not to make any plans for us. He says that he likes that we are communicating better, but that he needs space to think. I gave him a shirt and belt and he thanked me and he initiated a hug and kissed me 4x yesterday. Then today its back to the same old stuff of distance and coolness. If I say anything about us I am met with " We keep going over the same thing- I need space to work thru things"- While he is still at OW house. He says oh ive been working late and trying to get extra money for the kids school things- this is the same bs he told me when he was screwing around w/ her. "Im working on cars" One minute hes like do you have any extra money- no - ok ill bring some, do you need anything else. Yes- i want to say open your eyes and come home and work on this marraige- but i know ill be shot down for this so i say nothing.
I need to find someone for myself- someone who will love me and see the good in me. Who dosent reject me .
I know this is the mess he is in. i want someone to call me and ask how i am- not me waitng and hoping he will call.
The plan B letter wont work with him - because he is so gone - he could care less. I asked wasnt he happy now - hes got everything hes always wanted- freedom , another woman, time, etc- he says its not what you think- i havent had time to enjoy anything- i have bills- you had bills when you were here. He is now on the bus since his car broke down.
His mom talked to him Friday - and all she said to me hold on- a change is going to come- keep praying- god will work this out.
I dont know if I lb today when I talked to him - it is so hard because my heart wont let me go. I want someone who dosent want me. The conversation is short if theres an inkling .

Winterkisses -

Im sorry I dont know your story and how long its been since D-Day. I can understand your frustration but hang in there. Are you currently in Plan A ?

We all have a need to feel loved , thats natural but dont give up!

Winter:

I know how painful this is for you...We understand your hurt. We've been there, done that...This is AWFUL..a major life trauma..living [email]H@#LL..a[/email] nightmare...WE KNOW!!!

However, in reality, working on this will take TIME AND PATIENCE....

You're probably thinking you can talk him out of this..you want to just shake him and make him come to his senses...none of that works...

What helps is to develop a PLAN for YOURSELF...

Do you want someone else or do you want your H? He is not your H right now... If you want your H, the best approach is to work on YOUR PLAN...

It's not time for PLAN B yet...so don't think about that right now...

What do you want to do?

I do want him- somedays I have to fight to get up- many days I dontwant to go on. He is just such a jerk!!!!!!! I should let him hit bottom! Why am i buying him stuff? Is she? Shes not even taking him to work- she dosent love him like I have all these years- but he is not seeing and I feel like a doormat!!!
I wanted him to come to me and say I made a mistake- for him to pick me! He didnt he chose her and im out here alone to pick myself up off the floor.
He didnt love me enough to pick me!
I asked him wasnt he finally happy now- with his new life- he tells me I havent had a chance to see. He needs money for bills, and his cars, etc. I said we had bills here- he said I know. He runs away or cuts me short if I bring up our r. I find I scramble for a crumb of recognition- I realize she probebly told him you need to make a decision - and thats why he left me. Now is she putting her foot down that the reality is kicking in?????
Why am I waiting.....Theres got to be someone out her who will love me and treat me like a queen.

WK, what would you do next if you weren't afraid ?

kick him to the curb and divorce him- hit him upside the head to knock some sense into him-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I am trying t do plan A- but my heart keeps getting hurt- I listen im there- he says evrytime things go good between us then I get mad. He says see i knew - then I apologize for getting mad and he says I know why you do- because you love me.
But what is changing?

WK- man you sound like me- but actually saying it

How long have you been in plan A?

3 weeks since d-day

I am so Sorry, you have alot to go thru. Have you started reading up on Surving an A, his needs/ her needs ?

Have you exposed the A? Started Plan A?

I know exactly how your feeling ! Still working on a not so great Plan A, ( no ones fault but my own)

Start doing your reading and hang in there, shouldnt you fight for your marriage?

Yes I have read surviving the a- hes exposed- I expose as much on her- her husband is not on the scene or I cant find him- my h is living in their house!
I started PA- 3 weeks ago- and im still in the same rut.... Your my best friend, i know how you feel- he still living with her! not me

I want to run away and not come back- if it wasnt for the kids i would-

I can understand how you feel, seems like your living like me.

How many children do you have? Its hard to understand why they dont see what they have before its to late but I guess it happens that way. PA takes time for WH to clear the fog, it seems like he may be coming around but you need to get yourself together. Have you looked into getting on AD's, I know it helped me for months , but now I dont take them b/c of my pregnancy.

If you ever need someone to just vent email me- joasmer@yahoo.com

i cant do this anymore-I need to just find someone else.
Before you even think about getting involved with someone else (and making things worse for yourself & him), you better make sure this relationship is completely ended and YOU have moved on and aboslutely KNOW you will not give it a chance (or that you might even want to give it a chance).

Three weeks is not time in the grand scheme of this. You are now just feeling all the pain, anger, sorrow, etc.
You have to give youreself some time to work through it all.

i cant do this anymore-I need to just find someone else. The plan B letter wont work with him
sigh...
It might not work to bring him out of the affair or back into the marriage but it will work for you.

I started PA- 3 weeks ago- and im still in the same rut.
You are now having an affair?

no!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was saying plan A. I have not been with anyone but my husband since we dated at age 19. I just said I needed to be with someone because I felt lonely and unloved. I know this is/will not help anything- i dont even no where to look and is anyone looking at me?I just would like to know where or any progress with this man- it is so oooo frustrating!!!!!!!

Please do not look for someone else, you need to find YOU first. I felt the same way when my WW left, I felt I HAD to find someone immediately. But regardless of how this plays out, you have to heal properly. The last thing you want is a rebound relationship.

My "X" has been gone for 10 months and I have had a few casual dates but I really don't know if I am ready. I have dedicated a lot of time to ME and healing (also to the kids).

I don't know your entire story but don't turn to someone else. OK???

bump up

Your right- It was a knee jerk reaction- a wise old soul told me what I do from this point forward will determine my future. Its all up to me now- she said be careful what you wish for - you may or may not like what you get.

I dont know if any progress- I did talk to wh and told him that I know the problems in marraige i was at fault also- I overlooked a lot of signs and chose comfort instead of handeling and addressing. He said he knows he made bad choices to he should have talked to me insted of working with OW. He says that he keeps telling me that things are not how I think where he is at. He says he is not sleeping w/her but he is missing us. He keeps asking me what do I need and what the kids need. He says he is working hard to get money to give us (he has been bring by)and will take care of school supplies, shoes, etc. He is getting back door fixed and cleaned yard- he is also telling me where he is and goingto be etc.- why didnt he do this when he was home, he says to me that we are talking better and he will always take care of me and that when he says best friend- that is what I was to him when we first started dating and got to know each other - not to slam me. He knows I am his wife and he is working thru things- he is missing us-
The big question is _ IS THIS A LIE- WHY IS HE STILL LIVING WITH HER- IS THE FOG LIFTING- IS HE SINCERE?/? IS IT TIME FOR pLAN b- iVE BEEN DOING a for the last 3 weeks

WK he is cake eating.

He is probably lying.

Be a lighthouse and calm down. Detach. Its the only way.

is detaching- plan a or b? Is it not listening to him or just agreeing?
My other questionis - I think the kids are pulling away from him- they say they dont want to ask him for anything- i dont want this to happen- i want them to saty close to their dad. He says they dont ask me for anything- I tell them to ask me not burden you.