As stated in the subject line where do I start or go on from here.
I am new to the forum and have posted on to the Ifidelity thread already.
To start maybe from the begining I met my second wife 18 months after the death of my first wife we courted for nearly 4 years before she moved in with me and we married a year later (5 yrs ago), she has beem through 3 divorses and 1 separation all apparently due to her partners having affairs, but I now have my doubts.
all was fine to start then she became very dominant and in other ways cruel to the point of sadistic to me, such as tickle me to the point where I would be hurt and begging her to stop but she would not, this got to the point where I would avoid the type of contact leading to this, why go somewhare where you are hurt, similar things happened in our sexual relationship, I found it hard to communicate my fellings to her, which led to the taunts etc that I would not talk to her about things however when we talked she would always have the immediate repose to anything I would say so I ended up saying nothingThe situation continued and with the continual taunts etc things got angry and disrespectful she would publicly humiliate me in front of friends neighbours or anyone she met. until earlier this year I suspected that she was having a emotional affair with a neighbour at I was getting the vibes from others as to what was going on ( they had noticed she was going to see him when I was out and even spent a holiday with him), on a particular day after a public humiliation by the exclusion ( there have been many exclusions) of my being able to join in she was going swiming with some of her friends and got into the OM's car and went I decided to follow and watched from a distance there were only the two of them and very close with public displays of affection. I then entered the viewing galley when it all stopped and they kept a respectable distance, when they had finished their swim I waited outside in my car when anothe friend arrived I opened my car door for her to ger in and was immediately snubbed she got into his car.
when she gt hopme I confronted them both which they both denied anything was going on.
since then we have been barely on speaking terms she has accused me of publicly accusing her of having an affair when in truth the gossip had already started.
I went to see a counsilor to try and get myself straight who asked me to invite my wife she refused but agreed through persuasion from othe quaters to go and see a relate counsilor with me. I duly made an appointment to which she said she was unavailable every other possible appointment has been the same so I dont think she is interested, I have tried to get her in to negotiation and talking but she only seems to get angry every timeas I am now managing to keep my cool dont know how but I am.
Any suggestions as to how I can get her past her anger and to now talk within agreed guidelines to both of us much appreciated
P

Hopefully you have posted somewhere else also - but ...

Read and study everything you can here and invest in dr. Harley's books. His Needs, Her needs is a good place to start - along with Love Busters. Getting a grip on the Basic concepts on this web page:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html

is very helpful as is the Book: Buyers, renters, and freeloaders. available heavily discounted at christianbooks.com

Sounds like you are much "behind the power curve" regarding articulating your pain, and perspective to your wife.

Reading and studying here will help take care of that.

Learn something about the policy of radical honesty.

There are "tools" here that are what you need. And you have started by writing.. keep going.

c

Seek professional help for yourself to assist you in knowing what you need to do. This sounds like a serious issue. You can get ALOT of information on this board, good information and you can even share it with a counselor and find one that supports the path that you want to be on to repair your marriage, but this woman has some pretty big issues and you need to protect yourself.