Just wanted to see how you are doing.I am doing well.I forgave my H last week.I feel pretty good about it.I did have a bad trigger over the weekend.After a while we did get thru it.I felt bad.I was hoping i would'nt go back into the past..I am at the liabary si i wanted to ck in.Tomorrow we go see beauty and the beast on broadway.This means alot to usbecause we seen the movie for the first time on our wedding nite.We were young could'nt do much more.Then this weekend we see journey in concert.I won tickets.Well i will ck back i hope once a week.
Take care
#1mom

Hi!
So great to hear from you.

I'm glad to hear that you forgave.

Even though the words have been on my lips and in my thoughts, I find them so very hard to say. A part of me thinks that if I say the words, FWH will think all is well...and that I have fully recovered (even though I'm not!) I still have lot's of triggers too.
FWH is amazing throughout them all.

I keep thinking and seeing them together...and it makes me soooo angry. On the other hand, I have never been more loved or appreciated by my H. And I do believe that it took A and OW for him to realize what he had at home.

Anyhow, that's where I am in recovery.
I wonder if FWH gets tired of me asking questions and stuff...

Take care and hope to hear from you soon...
you can email me at
doucia444@hotmail.com

Hugs!!!

Glad to hear from you! I'm glad you're checking in at the library. This place had helped me a lot; I hope it helps you too!


OMG! We saw beauty and the beast on broadway just a few months ago. You are going to LOVE it! It sounds like you guys are spending a lot of quality time together. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm glad you gave your husband forgivness. I gave it to mine not long ago too. I had a hard time with telling him and did that mean I couldn't talk about it ever again, or he would see it as done and over. But it hasn't been the case. I did it for me, more than him. I had to let that hate go. It's not gone, but a chunk of it is.

We had a great MC session last week. FWH has been really stressed out lately, and I'm paronoid about what if it's contact, what if this and that. He's been trying to open up more about these icky days he's having. I've read on here that it's very common for the WS to go through a stage of depression after they feel they can focus on them instead of always on the BS.

Glad you're here!

Pureangel,
Glad your doing fine.It stinks to say it but i to now know we would not be were we are today if it were'nt for his A.I wish he still did'nt have it.It did take that for him to see how much he really loved his family.I forgave and i still have the questions.I think they will always be there,I just hope they slow down some and let us move on.


Viv,
Is'nt that funny we will have seen the same play.I am so excited.We have been watching the movie latley.I want to make sure we know the songs.I hope thats not the case that the WS goes thru a depression.My H is already having a hard time with what he did.I would be afraid if he had to go thru something like that.He has been there for me so much.
I just want us to be happy.
Well i will ck back next week.Take care


#1mom

Hey girls,
Just wanted to say hi and i'm doing fine.Next week the kids go to school so i'll write when i can talk longer.Hope everything is fine.
Viv,that play was great.It meant so much to us.

Hope you two are doing well.

#1mom

#1 mom,

glad you liked lion king, we framed our program as a reminder.

Good luck with all that fun stuff getting the kids ready for school!

hey girls,
how are you doing?I'm a little sad today.I guess i've been sad for a few days now.Don't get me wrong my H is great it is just me.I don't understand why if i'm happy i could be so sad.i want to be happy all the time.I don't want these sad days anymore.I'm hoping these days will just pass.
Anyway how are your M.Is it getting any easier?I hope your doing well.
I have to go for now i'm in the libaray and i feel like i'm being watched.

#1mom

#1 mom:



Are the librarians watching you? Or some person sitting next to you? Seems like when I’m at the library some weirdo is next to me.



I know that I’m happy and sad at the same time. It’s so frustrating. My one year anniversary of D-day is coming up next month, and I’m still dealing with the yuck days. I wish I knew how we could make them stop, but I think the bad days are necessary part of recovery. If I never had bad days, I’d be very worried. Are you on anti-depressants? I’m still on a low dosage even close to one year with no immediate plans to get off.



We’re still in counseling and I’ve read on here and books that two years of counseling is not uncommon. We have no plans to stop. We’re going once every 3-4 weeks now. Every session one or both of us get something out of this.



I’m really trying to just focus on me. I guess that’s all we really can do. What do you enjoy doing? Tennis, going to the spa? Maybe some of those things would help.



My husband and I don’t have children; and the past several months, he’s really been pushing for it. I just can’t right now. Maybe he and I can talk about this a few months, not now.



Thinking of you, Viv

Viv,
I don't know what is wrong with me at times.I really think i have to find something for me to do while the kids are in school.All i do is think about what he has done to me.I know how sorry he is i know how hurt he is over this whole think.
I'm wondering once i'm fine and he starts going thru and dealing with his problems if i will fgo back to the begining.I want to help him deal with it but i don't want it turning out to were he is helping me.He has been great.

Today he has a meeting within mins of her house.I am going nuts.Its making him worried to.Hes never in this area.It just so happens his bank opened a branch near where she lives.Thank god he was'nt one to get transfered there.

No i am not taking anything i hav'nt in a while.I hope to stay like that.

I wish it would all go away.I know if it did i would'nt have this feeling that gets me all excited inside.I never felt so loved or i never realized how much you could love someone.We kepted all these feeling locked up for too long.

See i am afraid of the up coming holidays.I don't want to ruin them.My H SAYS HE WILL MAKE THEM THE BEST HOLIDAYS EVER!

My next problem is the first time they got together and did it it was his B-day.That is coming in Nov.I do'nt know what to do.I'm hoping to just go ahead and celabrate it.Not let her win.He says we do'nt have to do anything.I did have him take the day off so we could spend it together.

Question. Do you ever think you will renew your vows?WE talk about it all the time.See we never had a big wedding either.I think if i do renew my vows i would only want ir to be between us.Not tell anyone.After all no one knows how our lives were turned upside down.

It was nice talking for a while.Hope you are doing fine.

take care
#1mom

PA,
Just wondering how you are?Write back if possible
#1mom

In our MC session, yesterday, we did talk about renewing our vows. We have discussed it a few times lately too. We are still thinking/planning. We don’t want a big celebration of renewing our vows. In our case some family/friends do know, and we are thinking of inviting them only. A small group of 10, or just us. We are still discussing details, like if it should be in a church or when. I don’t think it’s anything to rush into, and I’m fine waiting awhile. We are thinking of renewing on our next wedding anniversary.



In your case with not telling anyone, I would definitely keep it private, between only the two of you. A small ceremony at church, with a pastor who knows your situation, or in a local garden would be lovely.

Viv,
I would like to renew our vows in niagara falls.This is were we took our first vacation by ourselves.WE took it after his A.I know he loves me totally and i love him the same.We never felt like this before.I am just afraid.

I guess i am having a hard time latley because i know the holidaysare comingandfor the first time i thinki willhave a hard time enjoying them.My d-day is 12-26.How can i think of nothing else.

Now do you only come on once in a while too?Do you come on from home?

I'm glad you are thinking of renewing your vows.Do you think they will mean something different this time around.

For me we found something we never thought excisted.We never knew howmuch you could really love a person.Lokeyou we have been together since we were very young.I know we willmake it.

well i will be back Mon.
#1mom

bump

Heys girls,

I hope everything is okay.It makes me worry not to see you here.Pls write back soon.Hope all is well

#1mom

#1mom:

I’m not on nearly as much anymore. Sometimes, reading here helps, sometimes it just makes me sick it happens so much.

I’m starting individual counseling next week. Although I can say things are better, I sometimes question my sanity. What sane person would go through this pain? I guess one that’s in love, that has a shared history. I wonder since I’m young with no kids, is this fear of will he do it again really be worth it. I still cringe when he has to work late, or doesn’t answer his phone right away. And lately he’s been late a lot. He’s always at work when I call, but somehow, it doesn’t matter like it did in the beginning of recovery.

I need to talk this out with someone without him and make sure I’m making the right choice for me. My one year d-day anniversary is in a few weeks too. Mine’s at the end of this month. Our MC suggested making a ritual, like writing her name on a piece of paper, and burning it together. But not at home, or in the houses fireplace, because you might think about OW every time you look at the fireplace. Go away to a supermarket or whatever, and tear the paper up, or burn it. We might try that.

I fully understand that one. Everytime my w/h calls and says he is going to be late, or he doesn't answer his cell phone, I get this sense of dread, and am so relieved when I check up on him and find out he was being truthful.

I can't wait until I can trust him again.

Viv,
sorry it took so long to get back to you.I try to stay away to.To tell you the truth i get drawn back.I guess you can say i'm doing good at this moment.I still have plenty of triggers and reminders daily i hate it.If i did'nt have reminders i would do great.
I hope you are well.I hope to see you back here soon.I do miss exchanging stories.
Hope to talk to you soon
#1mom