Hi,

I am new to this idea and feel a little akward sharing this with strangers. But I really feel like I need some outside advice.

My wife of almost 20 years has admitted to me of being dishonest. This comes only after we have fought repeadtley about this "friend" that is a never ending issue. She works in a salon with almost 50 people and only a few of them are male. She has a very close"friend" that she insists on having a realtionship with. She assures me they are only freinds , this dispite the problems it has caused in our relationship. This last month alone she had almost 200 txt messages and many phone calls to and from this person. I have no reason to beleive this is a sexual relationship , but it is an emotional one to say the least. I was willing to put up with it an continue thinking I am just making things up in mind , untill one night. I awake to find she isint in bed , I find her in the dark downstairs with her phone TXT messaging at 3 in the am. She wouldn't give up the phone or share the txt with me and demaded it was her private right to the phone. So OK. Than i find she had been doing this many times. Than when i got the last cell bill I find she actually was texting him while we where on a family trip out of town. Than she calls him as soon as we get back into town. When I confront her about it and explain that this really bothers me that she chooses this realtion over ours. I am not the jelous type , but this is really too much to bear. I have reveiewed phone bills now over the last six months and it all shows up , txt after txt and call afcter call. She says I am ridiculous and i am blowing this way out line. She is 48 years old 9 years older than myself and this freind is 23 or soemthing, she says hes just a lost kid that needs a freind. I say why do you neeed to be this freind when you know how I fel about it.I don't think so. Now the secret she confesses is this after i cuaght her phoning him after she said she wouldd't , is that she has been smoking over the last 2 months, this just is not her. I don't know this person. I need to trust her. So need less to say when we discussed/fought about her actions she says I am trying to controll her yet again. GEEEEZZZZZZ i mean come on. I really would not jeapordise our realtion over any isue that hurt her as bad as this hurts me.

So am I being ridiculous , or am I in deep trouble.

please help.

You need to go to "just found out" or "general questions" in Infidelity and you will find TONS of people who can help you and empathize with what you are going through.

You are not crazy, you are not alone and you are not being ridiculous. She is disrespecting you as her H and the sanctity of your M by having an emotional affiar (EA) which is just as damaging as a physical affair (PA).

Good luck and God Bless!

Your story sounds just like mine, only it is my husband who is "just friends" with a coworker. I started looking at his phone because of all the calls/txt on the bill. It all hit the fan when the txt said "i love you". He moved out in May. I really want to salvage our marriage of 13 years. He is very confused right now. I don't know for sure if they slept together or not. She is also married. I accused him in a crying yelling rage and he didn't denying it, nor admit it. Anyway, I think I know what you are going through. I always was suspicious of their "friendship" and told him my concerns for the past YEAR. He kept insisting they were just friends. I had to trust him. We have some issues in our marriage to resolve. I did not fill his "love bank" very often. He is much more needy than I. I want to change that. Texting at 3 am is more than "just friends". I think you need to get some issues out in the open if you haven't already. Maybe counseling? If she won't agree to couples counseling, you go yourself. Good luck, friend!