Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 633
D
Member
Member
D Offline
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 633
My daughter has been crying for Daddy for about 30 minutes non-stop now. Literally screaming, about to freak out crying. DS4 told her that Daddy was okay but couldn't come here, and she just pushed him away. I layed down with her, held her...she just wants him. I used to call him when she got like this. I am no longer calling him, nor do I have a way to call him if I even wanted to. Poor girl...
She is laying on the couch fussing and whining. She wants me to 'leave alone'
Everything is making her scream and cry for Daddy, nothing I can do is right. AHHHHHH!
This was the kids first day at a new daycare, and they had a great day. I am not sure if seeing other kids have their Dads pick them up started this, or what....but it makes me sad and mad all in one.
DS4 talks about Dad and misses him...he asks where he is, if he is in jail again,(yes WH showed DS4 the jail and told him Daddy lived in the jail), if he lives with Mae Me, etc. They don't have any idea that there is an OW, and that is fine with me. Anyhow, point is, DS4 talks about it, DD2 has these horrible nighttime breakdowns <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I basically can do nothing for her...besides 'call daddy' 'I want my daddy'
Danielle


H met OW- 8/3/04 while I was on vacation.
False Recovery- 9/18/04, 10/26/04, 5/11/05
H said he wants a DV and marry OW 11/7/04
Divorce final 10/27/05
Son-5yr Daughter-2 1/2yr
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978
C
Member
Member
C Offline
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978
(((((Dani))))))
I know it must seem like this night will never end. Hold her tight and love her, you will get through this.


aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 3,788
J
Member
Member
J Offline
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 3,788
My son did this too...but it's funny...over a bit of time, they come to understand even in their childlike minds, that a WS is not a STABLE parent. Soon you will morph into their rock and they will love you always dearly for being so.

Just remember what he's doing...and don't cave in. This is HIS problem. HE IS NOT AROUND for this to happen. He doesn't deserve the title of dad when this occurs. One day, when you've healed and timing is right, I predict a wonderful gentleman may one day compliment your family and be the dad that doesn't leave.

You gotta have faith for the dark days now. It's not gonna be this dark much longer.

Accept the WS for the jerko he is. He is NOT into being a dad. Not at all. He's into being a dad though for the OW and her kids...keep that in mind. That was hardest for me to swallow...that he , my xh, took OW's illegit son under his wing (despite the child's real father has a good relationship with him and has almost half custody)...it burned like fire when he was wiht that child all the time and my son used to scream for his dad not knowing why daddy did not come home.

When they're 18, the kids will know...without you saying a word. And he will be the dad who missed out.

Cat's in the cradle song basically. Very sad, but a reality for many of us dealing with a very very WS.

Know you will stay strong and be that rock now ok? All will get brighter sooner. Schedule a family outing this weekend or something <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


me:37 BS; s:7; xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 921
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 921
Dani,

Same thing for me last year. My little boy (who is truly my best little friend in the world) would call me from my WW's apartment begging me to come over. He would say he was sick, scared, needed anything, just to get me to come. He would scream on the phone for me to come. It was the first time in my life I could not help him. I would calm him down the best I could and after I hung up, I would fall to floor and sob. My DD is still in therapy for anxiety and I take her every week.

I know you feel week, tired, stressed but be a rock for the kids. They will come around and see who the true parent is with out you saying a word about your WH.

This is so hard for you right now but kids do bounce back. Please believe things will get better because they will.

You are in my prayers this evening.

Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 633
D
Member
Member
D Offline
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 633
Thank you for the replies...
Both kids are finally asleep, on the couch. I should take a picture. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Confused, you’re right; it feels like the nights like this will never end. I have a test tomorrow morning in business law, which I had planned to study for tonight. The kids are usually fast asleep well before 830. I am about to go to bed, so therefore studying didn't happen. I missed my last class because of a meeting with the deputy, so I am a bit behind. They drop one quiz and I have an A average as of now, so I can only do what I can do 'life goes on' right?

Justpeachy....The kids have this idea that Daddy is a hero. He is a Navy Man (yea other then honorable discharge) and works a lot. Umm sure. I make a point not to say anything bad, and sometimes nothing good either, about WH. I let them think he is a great hero if they want. I am sure in time they will learn...as they get older. OW isn't taking care of anyones kids right now, not even OWs. The state has custody of her children, and has since June. He did take care of her kids though, he would take care of her kids, while HIS OWN children cried for him. Of course, in his mind that would be my fault, but yea, he rationalizes everything to be my fault, no matter what.
I swear, without these kids I would be a basketcase. They keep me laughing, except on nights like this of course. Earlier my DD was blowing bubbles in the house. I said 'Stop blowing in the house' She said 'NO!' I said 'don't say no to Mommy' Her reply 'I sorry haha' I just started laughing. Then she said 'what funny' I said 'YOU!' She said 'Where? I wanna see me be funny'

When they are so funny and do cute things I think to myself.....Adam...is it REALLY worth missing this? Is having your freedom and whatever the heck you say in order to justify your actions REALLY worth missing OUR CHILDREN grow up? Apparently to him, it is.

BHINWI,
My heart breaks for you and your son. It must have been so hard to not be able to run to his needs. It is a parents instinct. It is really beyond me how a parent can just ignore their children BY CHOICE.

Well I better get the kids to their appropriate beds and go to sleep myself.
Danielle


H met OW- 8/3/04 while I was on vacation.
False Recovery- 9/18/04, 10/26/04, 5/11/05
H said he wants a DV and marry OW 11/7/04
Divorce final 10/27/05
Son-5yr Daughter-2 1/2yr

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 551 guests, and 86 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
litchming, scrushe, Carolina Wilson, Lokire, vivian alva
72,031 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Three Times A Charm
by Vallation - 07/24/25 11:54 PM
How important is it to get the whole story?
by still seeking - 07/24/25 01:29 AM
Annulment reconsideration help
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:05 PM
Help: I Don't Like Being Around My Wife
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:01 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:21 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:20 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,031
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0