As a newcomer I have placed a couple of posts on the forum
the first relating to my wife having an affair
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;page=0#2792713

The other asking for help with some background

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;page=0#2793631

I received a good responce to the first and may be I was expecting too much.

I am trying to get my wife to Talk and to see a counsilor but as can be seen she won't

all she said is she wants an apology for acusing her of having an affair, she however denies I deserve one for the deceipt of going to see him when I went out, or for going on holiday with him and the public humiliations I have received.

The situation with the OM he looks to be he is preparing to leave to live in Spain once the coroners inquest for his deceaced Wife (probable suicide) has finished, However I have also noticed a change in my wifes behaviour, they are things we all do occasionally but why now in clearing out old clothes and personal papers and talking to the pets as if she was saying goodbyes, as if she is preparing to fly the nest with him.
My gut feelings are that is what is about to happen.

any Ideas how I can head this off and get her talking

P

I will repeat again what I said last night. Wayward Spouses rarely confess unless confronted with seemingly indisputable evidence.

Have you noticed a change in appearance also? Does she seem to be modifying her personal hygiene and/or upgrading her clothes? These are good indicators of an affair also.

Good luck,

Mr. Wondering

She has always been a smart dresser although this year she has replaced most of her wardrobe this may be connected but it is also part of Her/Our public duties ( I also replaced 3 suits).
the evidence I have pesented is irefutable She admits to going there when I was out, and talks to others especially in front of me about her wonderful holiday in Spain, as I have said I am prepared to apologise and forgive He will be gone soon, but as stated I also need an apology for her behaviour but she denies she did noting wrong.
P

Spikey,

She will not apologize. To do so she would be admitting that what she did was wrong. If she admits what she did was wrong then you logically will demand that she stop doing it. SHE DOES NOT WANT TO STOP.

She is at best only having an Emotional Affair (EA) and thus anything you do or say that contradicts her ability to continue in the affair will be met with denials, hostility, anger, defensiveness, hateful statements, you name it and it's been done.

MB principles are simple. Monitor (snoop). Get the info you need to bust her. Then expose to her. Then immediatly demand NC or else you'll expose to everybody. Then Expose to everybody if NC is not immediately established. Plan A for a long time then Plan B.

I wish I could give you the magic pill to fix your situation. But neither I nor anyone else here can do it for you. Unfortunately saving your marriage is up to you. Your wife is crazy right now and your the only sane person left that cares about your marriage.

The MB concepts are counter-intuitive at times but proven to work in most cases. There are no guarantees but in the long run most marriages survive an affair. I wish you well. You do not deserve this.

Mr. Wondering

spikey, Mr. W is right. She is not likely to talk and bust herself. She knows she doesn't have to; it would ruin her affair. And yes, she is having an affair. I don't believe for a minute it is only an emotional affair either.

You don't need her admission to know she is having an affair. You don't her to confess what you both already know. It is patently obvious to everyone here and it is patently obvious to all your neighbors. I find it shocking that you feel you need a "confession" to know what is clearly under your nose. Everyone seems to know it except you.

So, if you can get the goods on her by snooping, [it would be helpful in court] then, by all means do it. But if you can't, confront her and tell her you know about the affair. Don't ASK her, TELL HER. She will just lie if you ask her.