My WW keeps telling me that she's not contacting the OM.
It may be true it maybe a lie I'm not sure. I can't find much through snooping. I still didn't contacted the OM.
Om is single and lives in aother country. I'm at the beginning of the plan A now
What if I contact the Om? And what to say?

John, it will not be a good idea to contact the OM. He will just deny contact (if there is any) and it will give him the idea that you feel insecure and view him as a thread. This will not be good. Instead, rather snoop around (without your W knowing) and get some ways to determine if your W is still in contact with OM (there was a few suggestions about this on your previous thread). If you determine there is still contact, you'll have solid proof and then you can take things from there.

Did your W sent a NC letter to OM?

no at the D-Day we sent together a single line that I discovered all and that this is the end of the relationship.

I was thinking… Possibly your W gave OM the impression that she is single or separated or in the process of divorce (some WS’s sometimes lie about their marital status).

IF on this stage, you suspect the above and decide to contact OM, you can do it just for the purpose to inform him that:

1) You are aware of the fact that they had an A;
2) That your W is in an ‘active’ M with you (not separated, in the process of divorce or even plan to divorce) and that you and your W are working on the M.

If the OM and your W is still in contact, he will obviously inform her about your letter/e-mail and from your W's reaction you will be able to detect if there is still contact or not.

I hope others will jump in soon to give their advice and opinions.

Sorry John, I’ve missed your previous post and sent my second response before I saw this…

In this case there will be no real purpose for contacting the OM. However, it would be ideal if your W could send OM a PROPER NC letter (as suggested by the Harleys on this website).

How long is it now since DDay? And how is it going with plan A?

3 months.
Before this site I wasn't sure of my self.
Now I'm better. I can't concentrate enough for the plan A as I keep thinking about what happened and how happened. I can't talk to her much about what she did to me. She's very quiet and doesn't tell me much. She knows MB.

John, I think it will be best to just continue with snooping and continue with ways to found out if she is still in contact (even if you don’t like snooping). This is the only way to discover if contact is still going on. And stop asking your W if she is still in contact etc. This just increases the tension between you and your W and your W won’t tell you the truth anyways (this is if contact is still going on).

Thank you for your help suzet.
I'll try to snoop more. And I'm waiting to make a heart to heart talk with her.

johnalone, don't have a heart to heart with her until you have all the facts. Suzet is right, you should do some snooping and find out what is happening here. Don't ask her anymore if she is having an affair, JUST FIND OUT.

Put some spyware on your computer, such as www.actmon.com and see what she is doing online. Be sure and pay for it though, otherwise it will stay in the trial mode, which will show a banner at start up. If you pay for it, it will be invisible and only you can access it.

There is a cheapo version of spyware that I bought at MicroCenter for $10, and it works just fine. It's a kelogger (it doesn't capture both sides of an IM, only what's typed on your computer), but it does also take screenshots, show what applications are executed, etc... and it can send all of this information to an email account. And it doesn't pop up or anything like that...it's a good cheap basic thing. It's called XPCSpy...might look for it if you can.

If you have access to her email/IM accounts now, then enable archiving of her IM accounts...odds are, she'll forget to check that. That was one of the ways I caught my wife in her online EA.

I don't remember if you have access to her mobile phone or to its invoice, but most companies offer online invoicing, and most of those update VERY often with current call information, so you could likely track her calls that way.

Hope this helps.