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Let her go to get her back?
#1457873 08/23/05 07:35 AM
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 24
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vaoptimist
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vaoptimist
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For a few years my WW and I have been in a state of limbo. She commits to the marriage and then takes several steps back. I've always been one to enable her to make her own decisions, yet reminding her of the importance of them and the affect they have on your (and our) lives.

A few days ago, my WW approached me and reiterated to me how important I was and that she has come to realize that it is a future with me that she desires. I was thrilled to here that. However, before she can take that leap forward with me, she says that she needs closure with OM. She left the house in order to do that. Before she left, I made every effort to be positive and make sure that she knows that I love her.

Was it a gigantic mistake to let her walk out the door, or is it necessary sometimes to let her go to get her back?
Re: Let her go to get her back?
vaoptimist #1457874 08/23/05 09:16 AM
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 248
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bigwave Offline
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bigwave
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My daughter and I did the same thing the other night, we just got so tired of fence sitting that my WW came home the other night to her belongings on the fron porch (it was my daughter 16 idea). We may have thrown WW right into the arms of the OM, but ****** she was just using us for lodging anyway.
It may have been a mistake, but to us we couldn't move forward with WW dragging an anchor on our family dynamics.
Re: Let her go to get her back?
vaoptimist #1457875 08/23/05 09:28 AM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 4,323
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mineownself Offline
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mineownself
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It sounds like she's cake-eating. That's where someone is trying to get both the benefits of being married and being single. Currently she's got a system going where she gets to have both you and the OM. So long as that continues to work for her, she'll keep drawing it out. The "closure" line is typical -- it's an excuse to prolong the current situation -- "I don't have closure yet".
Re: Let her go to get her back?
mineownself #1457876 08/23/05 05:37 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 613
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InLikeFlynn Offline
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InLikeFlynn
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What is her definition of closure??
Re: Let her go to get her back?
InLikeFlynn #1457877 08/27/05 12:30 AM
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 120
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kdh Offline
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kdh
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Here is the definition of closure: see ya. period. that's what your ww needs. i just did that and you will feel much better in the long run. Why waste any more of your life or your childrens life??
Re: Let her go to get her back?
kdh #1457878 08/31/05 12:55 AM
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 32
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Change4theBetter Offline
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Change4theBetter
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I am in the exact situation you are in. My WW has an had an emotional affair with the OM, but it got physical when she went to visit him. He lives in Hawaii and we are in CA. She just told me last week of the physical contact. She now is leaving to live on her own so she doesn't feel guilty about hurting me. She says she needs this time to be with the OM and that she knows she does not have a future with him. It's just something she has to do. I still don't get it. She says she will need 4 months...How can you put a timeline on this? We will see

Let me know if this is working for you.

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