Maybe this is a better forum for my post.

I've posted before and you all have helped me out so much with your advice. Now I have another issue I hope to get your advice on. I am too close to the issue to be able to reach a fair compromise.

My H and I have decided to separate. He will stay in NY and I will move back with our child to CA to be with my family. My plan was to move our stuff back to CA and then go to visit my H family in Japan for a few weeks to let them know of our situation and to have our son visit with that side of the family. My H wants me to wait on the move until after we have visited Japan. We can't seem to agree on this one point.

My reasons for moving our belongings before we visit Japan:
- Now that we've made the decision to separate, I want to move on with my life and not continue to be controlled by his vascillating emotions.
- I want to keep up the momentum on our decision because when I'm waiting around I just get very depressed about our failing marriage.
- I feel the decision to separate, and probably divorce, is the right decision and don't want his family to change it.
- I want to finish the tough work of moving early so I can relax in Japan with his family, with whom I have a good relationship.
- I can keep our son in school while I pack instead of having to pack when we return from our trip and not having him in school.
- It is cheaper to fly from CA to Japan than from NY.

He says he doesn't want to rush. But we've been going over this decision for about 6 months now. I feel like I'm finally out of my depression because we've made the decision to separate and I have a goal to work towards.

This small logistic that we can't agree upon is making me have a panic attack because I'm afraid that if I don't agree with him he will get *ANGRY*... AGAIN! But I just want to leave sooner than later and feel I have good reaons to. I don't want to be controlled by him any longer.

I've already compromised on other decisions and he's gotten his way because he'd had an AO and I'm afraid of him. But this is one decision that I can't seem to budge on. Am I rushing? Should I be giving in on this? At this point, I am not looking to save our marriage. I'm trying to stay sane.

Thank you for your advice.

What is it exactly that you want us to advise you on. Sounds like you have your mind made up and most of your ducks in a row. I really doubt this is the case for you husband though.

Got a little news flash for you skyinqueens. You've only just begun to comprimise. You have a child with your husband and stay or go, you will be compormising with him for many years to come.

At this point, you don't yet have an idea what a gut-wrenching experience a divorce - even a friendly one - is. It won't be as hard on you, since you are the departing spouse and you're all excited about the prospects of starting a new life. But it's going to be far harder than you can now know. It'll be worse for your husband. Not only is he loosing his wife, but effectively his child, too, since he will be on the other side of the continent. He's going to be left behind, with nothing but pain to look forward to, to sort through the ashes alone.

You didn't rush into marriage and you shouldn't rush out of it either. Actually, six months in a very short amount of time to spend considering the upheaval you are about to visit on your, your husband's and your child's lives. I'm with your husband. Slow down. Your life isn't going anywhere but into a bad place for some time to come.