I watched the kids today during my lunch break so wife could go to Dr. While I was there I saw that pictures of me and us together were missing. (this happens almost every week...she takes them down and I put them back up but nothing is ever said) I replaced the pictures and when she returned I went back to work. I reveived a call from her shortly there after. She was screaming at me "will you stop with the f***ing pictures" and she hung up. I called back a few min. later and asked "whats wrong with having pictures of us displayed in the house" she said "I don't want to F***ing see them so F****ing stop, this is my house M-F. You can have them up when your here if you want to look at them but take them down on Sunday..." I said why does that bother you do much" she screamed stop F***ing with me and hung up in a rage" I didn't call back. How do I respond and what does it mean if she is hidding this stuff?

R.

Guilt, anger, hurt, etc. over her affair(s) and yours.

You can have them up when your here if you want to look at them but take them down on Sunday..."
Does this mean you do not live there all the time?

If she's using the same curse word over and over maybe she needs to expand her vocabulary...[color:"white"] - [/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

But I agree it sounds like guilt or wanting to 'rewrite' history. Immaculate conception perhaps?
[color:"white"] - [/color]

That is funny, my FWH got mad because I DID take our photos down. Don't respond, just take them and put them up whereever it is you are staying.

Better yet, put up a photo of your WW and her lover like I did.

Chris,

No we are seperated...she has the house and kids M-F and I have them F-M.

All...thank you. She called back in the mean time to ask about how a bill would get paid. She brought up the pic thing. I asked her why it bothered her and told her that I wouldn't put them back up. She said that she didn't want to look at her and I happy together knowing that I just abandoned them and that she didn't want to look at the pic of us and our oldest where I took time off work to take a pic and pretend to be a father. She told me she had thrown them in the dumpster. I didn't respond at all just listened. She them told me that she had not called to talk to me just to deal with the bills she was being very sarcastic and condescending. I interrupted her and said I can't talk to you when you are like this...I was going to add lets talk later when things cool off but she interrupted saying then you cant talk to me at all because this is the way I am. and if you cant manage to talk to me when I am like this then you cant work on a marriage. I just let it go and told her I would talk to her later. she said whatever and hung up.

I am going to assume that she is just angry and hurt and doesn't mean this. I feel like I am getting close to a Plan B though. SHe has good moments and says she wants to work on tings and then goes the opposite direction the next day but refuses to end the A. I asked her to commit and end the affair on sunday and her response was, I can commit to anyone else until I have been able to commit to myself and I am not willing to Stop talking to the OM.

Our Family and friends agree that she needs to make a decision and stop this nonsense and are planning on interviening this week but I am afraid that she will go the opposite direction when pressured and tell me that I have turned her family against her.

anything you can offer to ease my feelings is greatly appreciated.

hee hee cymanca <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Well lets just say it's akin to a two year old..

lets just say that it is DEFINITLY NOT apathy...

lets just say that it is hugely attention seeking

AND

lets just say that it is not the rantings of someone who doesn't care...people who dont care..see the pictures you hung up..take them down and don't say a word...then if you did bring it up down the road...a person who didn't care would say...
Look..I know this hurts you..but I don't want pictures of us up ...
and NOT powerstruggle it and rant and rave...and use the f-bomb...

you should definitly follow cymancas idea...

what about the pictures of STRANGERS that come in frames..

or some star you like...

ARK

should I really put up a pic of her and the OM...will that help? Or just cause more problems?

when and If I do put up a pic of her and OM and she asks about it how should I respond? I just want to be prepared...and what will it accomplish?

Since you talk about going to Plan B, I assume right now you are in Plan A. Part of Plan A is that you eliminate Love Busters, and it is obvious that what you did with the pictures is a very big LB for her. It doesn't matter why it's a Love Buster-it just is. I don't know of any MB plan that includes messing with a spouse's head as part of it. If you want her back, don't do pointless things just to annoy her. If you don't want her back, then you don't need to have the pictures up, do you?

Seeking,

Why should it bother her???

She chose to get into a sexual relationship with this OP. Did anyone force her??

No... well then she must be d*mn proud of what she did. When I am proud of things I do I hang up rememberances of those moments.

Shame and dissolution of the A go hand in hand

NMdreams...

when in Plan A ..one does apoligize for the silliest things sometimes...

this is NOT to say that the MF bombs are appropriate either....

and I for one think humor as a way to defuse such volatile outbursts...is NOT always messing for someones mind...

for example say he puts up a picture of the cutest darn puppy or kitten....and says...
I realize now how upset you got with those pictures..so I thought you might like this....

the key is NOT to powerstruggle the insanity of her rage...

and while pictures of the OP is a little over the top..cymanca and a fight well fought..on his part....
gets all my support........and makes me smile...

ARK

I was just reading another post and the BS had contacted the OM's work where they threatened him with his job. The OM in my case works as a DJ for a very popular Radio Sta. I think that they might at least intervein a little because of PR. or what ever. I have never contacted him because I just didn't see where it would help but should I contact his employer. I do have friends in management there. What are your thoughts???

seeking change, exposure is key to plan A. Do so lovingly though always framing it with you love your W and are trying to save your M.

Does that mean yes I should and if I do what should I expect for reprocussions.

My theory on the pictures: OM doesn't like seeing them when he comes over during the week, so WW takes them down.

Mulan

I will follow the advice and let this one go...my intention was not to play mind games although I can see where it would be taken that way. so this one I will let go...

As far as contacting the OM employer...can someone give me an example of what to say? Also...I have the ability to contact the OM through a Fan site which will most likely be read by his collegues as well. Should I contact him and how should I word that. Obviously my intent here is not to be malicious but to give him pressure to end the affair as well. Any Ideas are appreciated...

Seeking,

I take it OM is not married?

What would happen if you called up while he was on the radio and asked him why he was having an A with a married woman? Aren't there enough single ladies waiting in line for him, being a DJ and all?

Again, a little humor.

k

well lets see here...no he is not married he is 13 years older than my wife. Divorced (ironically from a divorce attorney). My guess is that if I called while he was on the air that it is pre-recorded and on a delay and wouldn't make it on the air. Also even though I have thought about it I was and am afraid that it will not accomplish anything with me getting my wife back and be viewed as malicious. No one has answered my question yet though. Should I send him an email or contact his employer???

Contact his employer. Don't engage him at all.

I'm surprised you worry about exposing the OM as being seen as malicious but weren't worried that your putting the pictures back up would be viewed that way. Exposing the OM has a purpose-putting pressure on the affair and in time getting it to end. Yes, it will make your WW and the OM mad, but that's not why you are doing it.

Let's say you have a two year old, and for some reason you decide to pinch her to make her mad. She gets red in the face, she screams, she's unhappy-why would you be such a lousy dad? But let's say she develops a sore throat. You take her to the doctor, the doctor gives her a shot-she gets red in the face, she screams, she's unhappy. But this time you're a good dad.

Putting the pictures back up was like pinching the kid for no reason. Exposing the OM is like taking the sick kid to the doctor for a shot.