I am posting this letter which I have not decided as of yet to send but felt that I atleast needed to get off my chest by putting it in writing. I am in hopes that you will review and give some insight.

OM,

I love my wife and family very much and am trying to put it all back together. Your affair with my wife threatens that very sanctity and potential recovery. We are still married and in a moment of truth with which clear minds are needed to make a good and appropriate decision. That being said I am asking you to end your affair with my wife so that we may be able to make a decision together on whether to proceed with our marriage or not. Please have the respect and dignity to no longer interfere in our marriage.

R.

I think the main problem with this is the fact that you are asking for behaviour from someone that doesnt possess any of the qualities that you requested. OP are basically worthless pieces of flesh. Human on the outside but thats about it. JMHO. Sorry.

Seeking,

What kind of person do you think the OM is?

The OM knows your W is married, correct? He feels superior to you, smug in his sexually addicted world that he is the best thing since sliced bread. He revels in his position, stealing another's wife away.

Do you think he has morals, or a consience that would make him feel GUILTY???

HE IS NOT WORTH THE EFFORT!! This letter will only make him gloat while sharing it with your W.

If you must send anything, send Guido over there with a baseball bat!!

k

Wow...awesome e-mail...if you were e-mailing someone with a GRAIN if dignity.

Your asking the OM to have both dignity AND respect? He does not have these qualities. If he did, he wouldn't have injected himself in your marriage to begin with.

Your e-mail didn't hurt, but I wonder how much it will help.
If this man had a reasonable mind frame and morals it would, but he doesn't.

Danielle

here is the basic situation and hopefully it will help...My wife and I were seperated when the affair started due to an affair I had last fall. He apparently told her that he would not date her until she knew for sure what she wanted and didn't want to be the reason for a Divorce. it was about 2 months later that things progressed further. (this is WS explaination and only words obviously) My MIL has also spoken to him and he has told her that he is already backing off but also want WS to know he is there if she so chooses.

I have not sent as of yet but I am hoping that it will maybe get him to back off a little bit in order for WS and I to make some progress and ultimately end the A.

Would it hurt to send it regardless???

why does everyone say the om/ow is ALWAYS useless, no moral having trash?

Aren't they human?

Aren't I human?

I am an OM, based on my situation.

So, which is true. Do you consider me useless oxygen wasting flesh that you wouldn't spit on if on fire? Or have I attained some higher distinction for some reason?

My point is I think the letter is valid. You already took the time to write it. It is polite and to the point.

Do people always have to act on their anger? I say you send it. Then if you don't get the response you expect, go from there.

Don't send it. Waste of time.
It's not his affair with your wife that threatens anything.
It's your wifes affair with him (if you get my meaning. He didn't make any vows to you)

Patriot2,

Do I think that the person writing on this board is an amoral, inhuman, contemptible person? We will have to rely on your words and your behavior towards your spouse to let us make that judgement.

Do I think that the person that admitted being an OM was consistent with the above description at the time he acted as such? You betcha!

And no, this is not written from a position of anger.

Can you say the same of your above referenced post?

Patriot,
I think the fact that you REMOVED yourself from the OM status is what brings you ABOVE that. I have followed your situation, and your an AMAZING man, to say the least.

I don't think the letter can hurt at all. In fact I would send a letter to the OW in my case, if she wasn't such an evil person who gets a THRILL from my pain.

Danielle

Well said Pat <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I was an OW as well as being a FWS...I was never out to break up OMW's marriage, If she had asked me to step away I bet it would have been a wake up call for me, as I hadn't really thought of the way it would be effecting her. I hadn't thought of her family and her feelings, just as I hadnt thought of my family. Had she known and asked me to step away, I think I would have, as it would have been a slap in the face as to what I was doing.

We arent all pieces of crap - no more than the FWS is....we are all human... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

thank you for the advice...

Dorry...you think this is a good Idea? Would you change the letter in any way? I know a lot of people think it is a waste of time but it is already written. Is it worth taking one step towards saving my marriage?

R.

Here are some very small changes that I made to the letter/email. Can anyone think of anything I should add. I think I am going to send this today. I am closer to doing so but still a little uneasy. I spoke with someone who knows the OM lastnight (not friends with him though) who said that they believe that he would probably back off. But there is still that chance that it could backfire right? In any event below is the minimally edited note...


OM,

I love my wife and family very much. I am doing and will continue to do whatever is necessary to keep them together. Your affair with my wife threatens that very sanctity and potential recovery. We are still married and in a moment of truth with which clear minds are needed to make a good and appropriate decision. That being said I am asking you to end your affair with my wife so that we may be able to make a decision together on whether to proceed with our marriage or not. Please have the dignity and respect to remove yourself from our lives and allow my family to heal.

R.

R.

also...wondering if I should contact OM's employer or CC them any thoughts?

Here are some very small changes that I made to the letter/email. Can anyone think of anything I should add.
Yeah, don't send it. It'll probably have a much more negative effect than it will hafe any positive (or no effect).

Your affair with my wife threatens that very sanctity and potential recovery.
This makes it sound as if he is doing it to your wife.
It is your wife's decision to continue the affair which is threatens your marriage.
The affair is a mutual decision between them.
Your wife is the one doing it to you, not the OM.

wondering if I should contact OM's employer or CC them any thoughts?
If he is married, you should contact his wife, not his employer immediately.
If he is not married, you should not contact his employer.