WS will not consider going to MC with me; I am seeking IC instead. He is so closed off from me--will not talk about how ended A--what was OW's reaction, why it happened etc. He is so closed off--will just sit in silence--I know, it's hard to believe but it's like talking to a wall--then if I get any response, it's anger, yelling, blaming.....He won't answer if he wants D, or to be here, can't say he loves me (or her--just that told her he'd never leave me). How long do you wait for a fence-sitter? When does the fog lift??

I know counseling would help me be strong for anything that happens and will help me work on things I'd like to change for myself.

Has anyone gone through this with an unwilling WS and survived? He is still "foggy"--6wks of NC; I can't be empathetic with him anymore bc he doesn't address my needs, pain so hopefully if I have a counselor I can adjust this attitude?

I just feel stagnant, I tried plan A but I get nothing in return--like I beg for any attention, reaction from him; how do you remain strong in plan a without sacrificing yourself?? I'm rambling, I know, just feel at a loss...

Any thoughts, anyone?? Thanks!

InPain,

""How long do you wait for a fence-sitter?""

If your H has had no contact for 6 weeks, truly no contact, then he should not be called a fence sitter. A fence sitter/cake eater is a WS that continues the A while still reaping benefits at home.

Sound like your H is totally pissed because of the NC, about his actions in even starting the A, his horror at the pain he has caused you and the family. He is in a blue funk. How about anti deprssnts for him??

Plan A is totally all about self sacrifice. You are filling his love bank with no anticipation of anything in return...yet.

Yes I would say he is still in the fog, going through withdrawal, and hating himself for the pickle he is in. Be kind to him, keep filling his love bank. He will come around.

MAKE SURE THE NC IS STILL IN FORCE. Keep snooping.

k

Hi,
Guess I used that term bc that's what he used; says just bc he doesn't call, doesn't mean he doesn't WANT to call her. I guess I am lucky she is in another state. Anti-Ds are something I cannot discuss with him--very angry and in denial--is only person in family not on anti-ds; any discussion gets him angry and closes him off to me so I don't address it(maybe a cnslr could).

We talked again last night and I told him I will go to IC--he surprised me and said to set-up a MC app't for both of us! Am so relieved! I know it won't "cure" us but may hopefully help us move forward and heal. I feel like I can Plan A now bc I don't have the anger/resentment that I felt bc he was here, nc, but not moving forward--I know, it's selfish and not plan a at all, but now I feel I can try again...

Don't worry, I will still be snooping..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
thanks for your response and support.........
IPNM

It is OUTSTANDING that he is willing to go to MC. Hope it is a good one.

The third party helps get the communication started and directs it where it should go.

Keep planAing.

k