How long had anyone here seen an affair last. I ask this because my wife is still in her affair with her coworker iam in plan b. She filed for divorce but her money ran out so there was no divorce.this affair has been going on for 2years. Iam to the point where ia ready to start dating again. Any advise

I've heard of them lasting 20+ years.

Iam to the point where ia ready to start dating again.
Then get a divorce.

Mu husband's lasted 15 years before I found out about it.

Iam not ready to divorce. I still love my wife. Also my kids tell me they don't want me to divorce. How long did anyone here ws affair end. I don't live with the ws anymore she still in the fog.

My (now ex) wifes affair is at 7 years now.

Iam not ready to divorce. I still love my wife.
Then why are you ready to start dating?

Also my kids tell me they don't want me to divorce.
The kids needs and thoughts should be taken inbto consideration but they should not be the main/ruling factor.

2 years is often a breaking point for affairs. Most states require a cooling off period wherein the divorce can not proceed until such period is over. If her claim is still pending then perhaps you can have a divorce tomorrow, however, if you file then the cooling off period will apply and you'll have more time to Plan B.

If you are done and truly ready to move on with your life with no regrets then it may be time to file. If Plan B is truly having no effect then perhaps a divorce filing will either snap her out of the fog and bring her running back to you or it's really over and you get to move on.

It's a tough call and I do not envy the position you are in. The question is has she had a enough time to live without you filling her emotional needs, is this OM having any difficulty filling her emotional needs by himself and does she miss you filling them at all. Your filing (or just threatening to file) a divorce petition may just be enough to snap her out of it.

For guidance, read my tagline below.

Good luck to you,
Mr. Wondering

Your filing (or just threatening to file) a divorce petition may just be enough to snap her out of it.
Yes, but filing should only be done when you truly do not wish to be married to this person anymore.
Don't do it to threaten or try to wake them up.
If you file, you should be ready to end the relationship, regardless of what the ws does.

Well the only advice I have is if you are ready to start dating then you had better be divorced. Even then, are you really READY for a relationship or do you just feel like you need someone to meet your needs since they have gone unmet for so long?

Sometimes I find myself thinking, oh I should just go 'get a man' I think these things because MY ENs have gone unmet for so long. That isn't an OK thing to do though, at all.
You would then become the OW. Earn your way out of the marriage if that is what you have decided to do.
Danielle

Thanks Chris, I agree. I was perhaps a little cavelier with my point. As long as one person is still trying to save a marriage the marriage still has a chance. You must KNOW that you are done with no regrets before you can say it's over. On the other hand, the mere act of filing a divorce petiton may not a divorce make (ie - cooling off period). Also, I think I did say in my previous post "if and when he is "truly" ready", I just left it out of my summation.

There has to come a point when he has Plan B'd for enough time and as he wants to start dating perhaps it's time to shot that final "effort" across her bow. You hold back that final sliver of love, just enough to say this is it, her last shot at getting me (BH) back. There's a current (albeit annoying thread) wherein after a 1 year separation the BH started dating and had sex while still married. The wayward wife went nuts, flipped the whole "adultery" tag on him and finally decided to try to make things work. Their outcome is very uncertain and I do not wish to stir any big hopes to this poster; however, when does one say it's time to "start" the process of moving on? He can always change his mind and withdraw the petition.

Either way, much sympathy for your situation.

Mr. Wondering

GEt a divorce. If you want a date that is...and not w/your W.

My xh's? Let's see. Affair now almost 3 years. Shacked up that long. Married 1.5 years.

Affair marriage SHATTERING...BOTH MOST LIKELY HAVE CHEATED. Xh has confirmed having on present chickie at least 3 documented ow since their marriage and engagement.

She has threatened to file for divorce...but she loves his money. What a choice huh? MOney....or no money. What's love got to do with their affair marriage? Nuttin.

UH...I'd give this lame stupid excuse for a marriage maybe six more months at best...no fidelity even from day one.

So for this normal woman's xh...his affair is feebly hanging on at 3 years post.

And yes I am divorced.

And yes I am dating <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Eat your heart out darth...

iam lonely that why I want to start dating.

right now I don't live with her. I don't know about what needs the om is filling. I don't have nc with her unless it is about the kids. And the om is her coworker so as long as she is at that job I don't think it will ever end the affair.

iam lonely that why I want to start dating.
You are still married and do not want to get a divorce.

I don't know about what needs the om is filling.
He is filling (or attempting to fill) all of her needs.
You are filling none of her needs.

Chris well how do I fill her needs with nc. I call her to tell to have my kids call me. And she does not have the kids call me. I don't live with her and the only way I can call her is at work. I don't want to be needy to her. What sould I do.

well how do I fill her needs with nc.
sigh...
You are in Plan B.
You cannot fill her needs and you should not try to fill her needs.

I call her to tell to have my kids call me. And she does not have the kids call me.
If you cannot see or talk with the kids, or she is limiting your time with them, you need to get a lawyer to look after your (and your childrens) best interests.

You have been here at Marriage Builders for almost two years.
You need to consider divorce and you should start looking into the best way to go about it.

I have no problem seeing the kids but I moved to a diffrent city we have joint custody. She just will not let me them call me. I talk to her today a very nice talk but fast. She is still in the fog om still in the picture she didn't tell me this I just feel it. that's why she dosent have the kids call me she up the om [censored]. I don't have time to spend anymore money getting a lawyer and any way lawyers do more harm then good. In the first time when she filed its was more fighting then good. Now me and the wife seem to be talking better then before but quick.

any way lawyers do more harm then good.
They only do as much harm as you let them.
Be very sepcific what you ask them to do.
And if your wife filed again, you wouldn't get one?

So you will continue to do Plan B, stay married forever and never resolve this one way or the other??

Well isn't marriage builders all about trying to save a marriage. 2 years on marriage builders dosent mean I sould get a divorce.