I don't know about you ~ but I will always have to work on my addiction related issues. Addiction is an evil that is so incredibly cunning, baffling and poweful ~ insidious is my favorite word.

Everytime you think you have it beaten, it rears its ugly head and grins at ya.

Yes your humor is one of your "endearing qualities"!!!

That's what I tell my boys when they remind me of their questionable attributes!!

"I don't know about you ~ but I will always have to work on my addiction related issues. Addiction is an evil that is so incredibly cunning, baffling and poweful ~ insidious is my favorite word."

"Everytime you think you have it beaten, it rears its ugly head and grins at ya."

Yes, but unfortunately I stuck my head in the sand during the time I should have been paying attention and wished that what you're saying above maybe wouldn't be true.

So what do I plan to do about it???

Well for starters, I'll go back to Froz's thread, and piece together the parts of her posts and yours that caused me to wince the most.

I'll probably put the pieces of them together in the puzzle that fits me, and take a close look at it. Then I'll probably want to ask you a few questions or get your thoughts.

Believe it or not, another thing that's helpful to me with your perspective is your health issues with your stroke. You have some insight there that will be insightful for me.

Which reminds me....how are you doing now health wise with your stroke?

Another huge Bramble Rose fan! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I have vision problems (I often cant see typos), and memory problems (snorts at Susan). And when speaking, especially when under stress, I say really bizarre words. My usual clue is when the person I am talking to looks startled! lol.

OMG, Bramble - that's pretty funny!!

You seem to have come to terms with the fact that you will have ongoing (I'm assuming) chronic issues right?

And Mel...

I've been meaning to ask you....in your terminology if one isn't a Texan, then they must be a Yankee right?

I saw this coming reading where you were going with your conversation. Been there. It's a pattern. When someone is getting too close, it becomes too uncomfortable. The 'escape' is well scripted victim-lingo. The person Froz reminds me most of, is FinallyLearning ... except that FL is making great strides, while Froz is stuck ... at least right now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

FL had a pattern of sticking her head out and risking intimacy in such a way that was guaranteed to hurt her ... in order to reaffirm her deeply ingrained conviction that NO ONE is to be trusted. Once FL got the kick-in-the-teeth she set herself up for ... she would feel justified that she had to pull back into her emotional retreat/fortress. (where she felt the most comfortable) BUT, FL was willing to look at this pattern ... and I really feel her struggle will eventually set her free.

Froz has a similar approach to intimacy. Carefully select a situation where she is guaranteed to be hurt, and voila' ....this gives her all the necessary reasons to stay well-insulated from sharing herself intimately.

Froz, when you read this, do yourself a favor .... take this information as a love token .... you push people away when they get too close. Your own fear of intimacy is where you ought to explore.

RIGHT!

I sometimes think according to Mel I am a Yankee Mississippian!

Oh boy, you opened a can o worms!! My damage is mild. And God was truely with me through the entire Odd (34 yo women shouldn't have strokes) event. I should have died many times before my stroke. And my Drs were pretty clear, that if I had been a smoker, or had been on hormonal birth control, that I would have died.

Puts my little problems into perspective!

Let me tell you about God and why I don't believe in coicidences...

3 months after my husband moved home....Sept 11th happened and my husband lost his VP position when the company he worked for went under in the economic devastation that happened here in the NYC metro area.

We went through our savings...and through his severance...and though he looked for a job on a fulltime basis, there was nothing.

So I had to go get a job.

I filled out a resume and put it on the Kelly Services website for a temp administrative assistant position. I got called 2 days later for an interview. Apparently my geeky technical skills had caught the eye of a very picky Dr working for a local pharmaceutical company.

When I walked into her office, she asked me what I was planning to do with my career. I looked her straight in the eye and said I had no idea, that God had a plan for me and I wasn't sure what it was.

What I didn't know, was that this Dr rarely prayed. And that very morning, she had been begging God to send her help. And what do you know, I showed up that afternoon telling her that God had sent me!

Of course, when I went home, my husband said: BR, there is NO WAY you can talk like that in a corporate setting. You blew the interview!

And 20 minutes later I was called and asked to start the next morning.

So. We thought that I had been sent to help the good Dr.

What we didnt know, was that I had been sent to her so that she could help ME.

You see, the woman I started working for, was an passionate expert on women's cardiovascular health. She is very active in the American Heart Association, and does alot of public speaking and teaching.

So, 9 months after I started working for her....I had a stroke. And she was the woman who stood by me, researching, researching, researching, and burning up all of her contacts in the medical profession to find out for me WHY. When my neurologist shrugged and told my husband and I that the drugs and treament I had been started on would not prevent another stroke, that I could not get rehab for my vision, and that I should just stop driving and reading...it was my boss who said, NO WAY, you are going to get through this.

And finally, the last test the neurologist ran, to do her due diligance, provide me with the cause of my stroke.

Turns out, I had a Patent Foramen Ovale (a little hole in between the upper chambers of my heart). I found through the grace of God, an incredible surgeon, who was an expert on PFOs. He told me that the migraines I had suffered from my entire adulthood were likely related to the PFO. And better yet, he told me that he could fix my PFO, and I would likely never suffer another migraine, or another stroke.

With this hindsight, I now know that I had a very near brush with death while pregant with my daughter during my husband's affair. What had been diagnosed as a possible herniated disc in my back, turned out to likely have been a blood clot lodged in my leg. I still have nerve damage from that clot.

And the story gets better. My surgery was easy as could be, in and out of the hospital in 24 hours.

And because my boss was a well respected cardiovascular expert, she invited my surgeon to give a Grand Rounds on PFO, migraines and stroke to my entire department.

I was so happy that day, that my stroke had brought about a little bit of awareness in the medical community.

But...God wasn't done yet.

You see, this last February, my now ex-boss (I've been promoted) gave the keynote talk to the American Stroke Association. And with my permission, she displayed a photograph of a group of women of all ages that included me, (it was a Christmas office picture or something). And she asked the crowd of doctors present, which woman did they think would have a stroke within three months of the picture taking?

She told me that a gasp went up from the crowd when she clicked a button, and my face was circled.

She went on to tell all of those doctors and researchers all about my condition. She told me that her speech ended in a standing ovation, and huge numbers of requests for more information.

So yeah...my funny little strokey quirks are really not that frustrating, when I realize, just how close to death I was, and just how many lives I might have saved by sharing my story....

Anyway, how could anyone believe in coincidence after that? God is good to me.

Well, we grudgingly accept Okies, Arkies, Missipppisans [WHATEVER] and a few others. We wouldn't ever call those folks yankees, lest we end up shot dead! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> At least those folks eat fried okry and don't engage in too much foolishness. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I do NOT eat fried okrA. It is not on my Weight Watchers Core Foods list.

And too many fried foods may cause strokes.

And I don't know a good doctor..(where IS Lemonman?)

BR...I have heard that story before, but it always gives me chills to hear it again.

You are blessed. I am too.

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

You must be part yankee. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Lol my father is from Texas.

But I was raised in WA state. I lived for years under the ridicule of YANKEE from all of my texan relatives.

No amount of ridicule willl EVER convince me - EVER to eat Okra.

That is one nasty vegetable.

Reminds me of dog slobber. (shudder)

How could a person NOT LIKE FRIED OKRY?? That is insane!!

Well, at least you are PART Texan, that counts for something! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Those yankees musta ruint her if she doesn't like fried okry! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

LOL. Noway, I'm a nice transplanted New Jersey girl now!

Oh my goodness Bramble.....

Whew what a story. Wow! Well I'm speechless.

Mel, thanks for clarifying! I'm an Okie transplanted to New Mexico!

I'll have to tell you the story sometime about the time I escorted a group of clients to the Van Cliburn Music Competition in Ft Worth.

YOU got to take a group of clients to Hawaii....me - Ft. Worth! I still laugh about the hilarity of that experience!

^bumping^

For Grapegirl to read Bramble's "getting a job" story!!

What an amazing story from an amazing woman...thanks for sharing it with us.

Csue and all:

I wanted to share this with somebody but wasn't sure where..didn't want to start a whole new thread...

I started working F/T after 20 plus yrs. just before D/Day..

I think it's so ironic...

My FWH told me today that he wants me to "come home again".. This is mostly GOOD news... A man of action, he is saying, "I'm HERE to take care of you again if you want me to, I'm not going anywhere". However, I'm thinking, is this also saying, "Your personal growth is scary". Probably a combination of the both and lots of other complicated issues. He is very busy and successful now in a new field and wants more time with me. My time is not flexible. There will be lots of POJA on this... However, it's a major RECOVERY step....