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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,204
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,204 |
Hey undo,
I see your H posting lots but you haven't been posting lately, but I wanted to post to you to see how you were doing and how you were handling things.
(((HUGS)))
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 85
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 85 |
Hi Dorry! Thanks so much for asking, I'm still around... I'm just staying off the boards for a while. Getting my poop together. Doing the IC thing, discovering somethings about myself. I'm kinda on a roller coaster right now, I have good days and bad days. But there seem to be more good days. I'll be around here and there... Hopeful4Future has been great, each day I thank god for him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Hope everything is well with you... Take care Undo
Wish I could "Undo" what "he" did...
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284 |
Undo, don't forget something very important...each day he thanks God that you are still in his life as well. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> He feels you are clearly worth all of the effort and pain and from what I have read...he is very right. Don't forget that OK? He gets to make the call on this not you so don't get down on yourself OK. He has determined that you have enormous worth to him. God Bless, JL
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 396
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 396 |
He gets to make the call on this not you so don't get down on yourself OK. Please clarify? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
Hopeful4future
The character of a person is defined by their actions...not their intentions. Otherwise, the world would be full of Saints.
BS: 40 (Me)
xFWW: 50
Married: 9/97
PA: 3 months
D-Day: 6/30/2005 (she revealed to me)
Divorced: 10/2/2008
Happy that I've moved on
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284 |
Hope,
What I meant is that YOU get to make the call concerning her value to you, to your marriage, not her. It is you that sees the worth in rebuilding this marriage and although she has made some serious errors in judgement, you wanting her as your spouse after all of that trumps HER feelings of failure or undesirability.
That is the part of recovery that is often missed by the WS. That is that part that the BS often messes up. You as the BS set the tone, you set the value of your spouse based on your need for her in your life. You chose to stay married or leave.
The WS has lots to do in recovery, but alot of what they feel, how they recover, is based on how well you reflect back to her the goodness you see in her. She for awhile will need to see herself through your eyes, before she can see herself in a positive way.
I hope I have clarified what I meant.
God Bless,
JL
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