Here is a question evryone here knows children aren't stupid. Can children clear the fog of a WS. I just wondered about it. It seems that DD11 reaction anf melt down has done something I don't think it is perm but he is wanting to spend time with them again. I just think it is a ploy to ease his guilt.

It is sad that in some cases, the fog is sooo thick that our children are forced at the hands of their own WS parents, to suffer. Sad indeed.

Still strength in #s is a good thing. Make sure you and your children are all aware of how your support group works. Need to bond and stand against the WS.

JMHO,
L.

this is very tough in my experience...my children actually started to resent me at one point for what WS was doing. I was fortunately able to talk with them and tell them that I love WS very much and even though she doesn't show it very well right now she loves me too, but more importantly we both love them more than anything in the world and that whatever is happening right now is only temporary. My oldest (9yo) is having the hardest time and actually asks me about things the WS says. SHe is already questioning the babble/fog I usually ask her how she feels and what she thinks and then explain the Mommy is very confused and all we can do is just be there for her and show her we love her. It doesn't fix it but it makes it a little easier. My children in turn know that we are all in this together and that they can lean on me when they need it or are confused. Believe it or not my (9yo-d) actually said to WS the other day. "mum Dad is trying so hard to be your husband and is doing everthing he can to fix everything...why aren't you trying" this was said as WS was babbling to me. I was dumb founded. the kids aren't stupid they see it...they just don't know how to deal with it.

My DD11 won't even talk to her dad and it doesn't hardly faze him at all. He doesn't take the time to reach out to her. He's never taken her anyplace since March when he stayed with her while I was out-of-town. He took her in MY minivan to buy some pool chairs that he took to his apartment. DD refused to even go inside.

At least your WH makes some attempt at a relationship. It can only be good.

Does the crack addict think about his/her kids when all they think about is getting to that crack pipe??

I guess the answer is no they don't they just think of the next hit they will get and how good it will feel. Right now I feel like he is trying to worm his way back into my life and get me to back off my boundreies by showing he cares about the kids. I just don't know DD11 is really hurting and its like he doesn't validate her right to her feelings. He thinks DD2 is okay with everything but she is not he's not here when she crys for him of when she has night mares about daddy don't leave. he seems to think it is okay at times. I tell the kids that I love him very much and want us to be a family again. They see me trying and they see his confusion and fog that he is drifting in.
It is still very hard but DD11 is coming around and beginning to open up some to him and blast him with his bad choices but I really don't see it making a dent in his fogginess but i am trying even though I want to quite in a bad way I realise that our family is better together then we will ever be apart. I am trying to keep the hope alive.