Wow...

Hadn't been in these parts in a while....

I'm actually in a way better, more comfortable place than after my self imposed exile from here and the post-divorce world in general....

But I also figured that a most recent development may warrant some advice.

After a 5.5 year hiatus, I decided to go back to school to finish my undergraduate degree.

The university that is closest to my work is also the same school that XW attends. Not that big a deal, right?

We both are working towards a degree in marketing.... I had heard that she was graduating in the fall...Good for her.

When my transcripts got evaluated, they took a lot more of my previous work than I had expected. So much so, that I'm only about 8 classes from my degree.

(Has anyone done the math yet?)

On Friday, I recieved an email from XW. First communication since the D. We had recieved a notification that we owed a couple of $$$ from our 2002 taxes. She was asking about who was going to pay that, etc. Business related. She asked how I was... I told her I was well, and going back to school.

We emailed back and forth. Small, small chit chat.... She asked what classes I was taking...

And we found out that we have a class together!

I can't drop, because I can't schedule anything else. She can't drop because she won't graduate.

So there we were tonight. 6 months post D, almost 2 years after separating, and about a year since we had been in each other's presence. We got to class at the same time, sat next to each other, and strangely enough, really didn't miss a beat. I look completely different physically than the last time she saw me. My personality has changed a lot. I made her laugh repeatedly, because that's what I do....

I was going to eat after class (it's a night class), and invited her along. She came and we sat and talked for about a half hour. We caught up, and had a good time, actually.

We didn't really touch on "that" subject. In fact if the conversation even pointed that way we pushed it in another direction.

It's a small class, and one that requires a group project... Next week, we have to introduce ourselves. Since we still have the same last name, the question may come up. We decided that we will be honest if it comes up. We're going to work together on the project and we'll add a couple of people to our group.

It's really strange, because when I look at her, I don't really think about her in a romantic way anymore. She's just there. I found myself wondering if this person was going to call me, or if I'd see that person this weekend. It was quite surreal.

I don't have a desire to be friends or anything like that, even though we were best friends for years. But we never really hated each other....we just kind of went away....

I know that this has come about for a reason, I know....

I'm just not sure what that reason is.

It's good to be back.....

Ethan

Ethan,

Well, first let's get the important stuff out of the way. Congratulations on being so close to finishing. Focus and get this done, you will be so happy you did.

Now on what is meant to be. I have no idea what the "reason" for this is. But, I do know that you can get something from this. I think you are going to realize how much YOU have changed, improved, refocused your life, and have gotten on with life. I think you are going to see what you KNEW before you don't need her in your life.

Perhaps, just perhaps she will see what she gave up and lost. I know probably wishful thinking. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> But, still you have a chance to show her.

Frankly I would recommend staying away from her socially or even in class, but it sounds as if you have already committed to working with her. That will be a test for sure.

In any event, congratulations on going back to school and getting this thing done.

God Bless,

JL

((Ethan))

Let me 1st offer my congrats on the college thang, that's awesome.

Second, is there an echo in here…..?.... Ohhhh wait, I mean let me echo what JL said.


That you didn't feel this or that is great, truly it is. But there is an old saying that if you hang out at the Barber Shop long enough you are eventually going to get a hair cut. Dude, I just would hate to see you get sucked back into the drama. And yeah, sure, it may just go great until the last day of school and then a goodbye triggers something or whatever.... Just beeeeee so careful with yourself and don't take any unneccessary risks.

Synchronicity - that's what. Did you read the Celestine Prophecy? The first insight is that everything happens for a reason and everyone who enters your life has a message for you at that moment.

If also helps explain why some people come into our lives and then leave - they were not meant to be permanent in our lives. Things happen for a reason that we may not understand until some later time.

BTW, congratulations on finishing your degree. I went back to finish my undergrad when I was 40, then finished my Masters and half of my PhD coursework simluntaneously - when I was 50. I'm now trying to finish my PhD - who knows why. But I can tell you that after finishing my undergrad I finally stopped having dreams about wandering hallways on finals day and realizing I'd missed a whole semester of class!

Hey Ethan ... THAT is a co-inky-dinky !

Glad you are doing well.

Yeah....It's a weird one.

But the important thing is school. I'm definitely excited to be back on the path to finish. I'm pretty certain I want to go back and get my MBA when I'm done with my undergrad.

School is something I should have finished a long time ago. All the standardized tests said I was the smartest person in my HS class. I was exceptionally lazy though, and had absolutely no study habits. Nonetheless, I got a full academic scholarship at a school five hours from home. In my second semester there, A. My dad got cancer, B. I fell "in love" with XW. So I moved home in '97... I worked full time, helped my mom out with my dad, and had a full time relationship. And my GPA showed it. My dad passed in '98. In 2000, XW's mom remarried and moved out of state (albeit briefly). So, XW and I moved in together, and quickly, I was way more grown-up than I wanted to be. We were faced with a decision. We couldn't afford to live AND go to school. One of us had to "bread-win." So I did. The plan was that she would finish, and then I would go back. We'll be together forever, right?....Well, we see how that all panned out.......

Fast forward to today.... I am finally back in school. It's silly, but I'm able to have a good job, go to school, have a life. Without too much difficulty. Don't know why I didn't do this years ago....

Thanks for the advice. It will be heeded. I guard my heart with everyone. I should be especially cautious with her, though. Truth be told, I fathom I'll always have a soft spot for her.... So I have to protect that.

I have become good with changing an uncomfortable situation. If this gets uncomfortable, I'll certainly make the changes.....

Why take any kind of risk by working and socializing with her??? Are there that few people in class that you can't find others to form a group? Sitting next to her in class, inviting her out to eat? Why??

You don't have to be enemies. You can treat each other in a civil manner... My ex and I have managed to do that...and do it well! But why have you chosen to engage her in your life this way? What are you trying to prove? That you're "over her"...that she doesn't have any power to impact you anymore? Well, she is impacting you! You've already made a couple of choices that weren't necessary...drawing her back into your life...after 2 years.

I'm not so impressed by the fact that your were able to have this contact without strong feelings...but by why you would even want to have this contact?? That "soft spot" could quickly become a deep hole. It sounds like you are doing so great now...don't trip yourself up. You deserve your success.

Wow... You have got a lot of strength to be able to even sit in the same room as your XW...
As strong as I am, that's just something I could not do..
I'm pretty sure even before the first class started, I would have powerbombed her through at least 1 desk <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I don't really have any good advice on how to handle this, Good luck, be careful ok?