My husband had made a commitment not to see the other woman, but for those that don't know my situtation, she is the activities director at his mother's assisted-living facility. He told me he would go when the activities director had gone for the day. Yesterday, he had a early dentist appointment, and it dawned on me, he might go to the his mom's facility early, while the o/w was still working. I was shopping with my daughter, and I had her stop by to check and see if he was there at the same time as ow. We pulled up to the place and there parked in the front was my husband's truck and the o/w was outside sitting in a chair, waiting for a ride. Both of us exchanged looks and I went into the facility. I walked into the dining room, and saw that my husband was sitting with his mother and other diners eating dinner. I left, walking by the o/w outside and got into my daughters vehicle and left. I called my husband on his cell, and angrily told him, he promised no contact. He promised not to go when she was still there at work. I hung up. What I didn't know was that he had accidently his his speaker phone and everyone could hear. He called back explaining that nothing had happened and started cussing me out, (he had walked into his mother's apt. by then) I hung up on him since he was cussing at me and screaming at me. He then called me again, I told him, he could have gone through the side door, which is not walking by the o/w activities room or her office. He chose to go right by where she would be. Plus, he had promised he would not go until she was gone. He is now so angry, he is not listening to me, but screaming at me. I hang up again. He leaves me a nasty message on the cell phone. Then he calls me and tells me that is it and try to collect on his insurance. This scares me to death and my daughter drives me home. I picture finding my husband with his brains blown out. Getting home I find him fine, but angry and not talking to me. He is angry that I would jump to conclusions and accuse him without listening to him. I tried to tell him, it was him making a choice to put himself in a situtuation that could lead to contact with o/w. He is not hearing anything I say. He says that no matter what he does it will never be enough. This is rich considering that I have been applying plan a, and we haven't talked about his affair, since he said he would not see her anymore and didn't want to talk about it. He says he is not going to the counseling appointment today. I said well if you change your mind, I will be there. He doesn't know if he wants to continue this way and thats where I stand as of right now. Him, angry and hurt, me, backed up to the wall saying no contact, means no, contact. He feels like he is in jail and is paying his time, but not getting credit for trying.

I know what you are going through and understand. But you did LB in a big way. They will talk when they have a safe place to go. Is what I was told. Mine does not want to talk either. It has been months. Your H needs to talk but maybe this is to soon. I think you should have stayed with your H and visited for a while. It will certainly look good for you and your H to be together in front of OW. At least she waas outside. This is the tough part - do you think you looked good to your H or OW yesterday?

realtor said what I was going to only better.

All blessings KDHB.

Thanks, realtor and bobpure for your thoughts. I knew it was going to be a big LBer, but for me, it was his point of promising me that he wouldn't put himself in the situtations like yesterday, for me, it was his broken promises, for him it was he felt I should trust him and listen to him. I did make a mistake, and caused him embarressment, in front of his mother and friends. I am hoping he will forgive me, but only time will tell.

Perhaps it would have been a good idea if he had done what he said he was going to do in the first place and not go there when the OW is there? You had every right to call him on that so don't let him turn this around on you.

Did you expose the OW to her employers? Is she married, and if so, does her husband know? The reason I ask if she has been exposed to her employer is that it would be much safer if her employers knew about the affair so they could also watch her while he is there. They might even fire her for having an affair with a client's son. That is pretty unprofessional and sleazy.

KD, I am also concerned that he threatens to blow his brains out when you upset him. That is a very frightening manipulation tactic to get you to shut up. We have another member whose husband tries this crap when he gets caught. Please call the police the next time he pulls this stunt. Let him explain to them that he didn't really mean it.

But whatever you do, don't allow him to get away with this sick, dangerous stunt. Call him bluff by calling the police.

Dear Melody,
Most everyone at the facility suspects my husband and ow of having an affair. No, I have not confronted ow husband or boss. O/W has said she has discussed this with both her boss and husband.
My husband says the problem is his problem not the o/w. She says it was one sided with my husband in love with her. She states she is not in love with him and loves her husband. Yes, I agree that this woman was very unethical and yes there are laws out there forbidding employees to have personal contact with patients or their families. My guess is those laws are in place, specificly for cases like my husbands.

Actually, I told my husband that I had considered calling the police, because they could get to him before me. I know this is one of his tricks he pulls out of his bag when wanting to divert my attention. We have had this conversation before with him saying he has thought about just running off the road and hitting a tree to end all of this. This really scares me because I know what an emotioal basket case he is with the worries of his mother and our marriage. I take what he says very seriously. I know he has lost faith in god, and it breaks my heart.

I agree with Melody. Expose the OW at work so she doesn't get a chance to latch on to someone else's husband. And the old story about the OW telling her husband - we've heard that one before. You need to talk to her husband. It is only fair that he knows what is going on.

kdh, then I would immediately get ahold of her H and her employer. It is likely a lie that her H and boss have been told. Telling her H and her boss will dramatically decrease the risk of resumption of the affair. They might have heard rumors, but they need to hear the truth.

Also, telling the OWH will prevent your H from pursuing her again. As it is now, he can pursue her and there is nothing to stop him. But, if her H knew the truth, he would be able to stop it. Not to mention the fact that he has a right to know so he can protect himself from his W and your H.

The best thing you can do to ensure the death of this affair, kd, is to expose this affair.

I think the nursing home needs to know what she does with the patients. You would be doing them a huge favor and preventing this from happening to some other woman just like you.