I don't want to belabor anyone with a long story, but my spouse and I seem to be butting heads after 13 years or so together, because I am developing into a person with different interests and I guess (to him) a different personality.

He resists anything, I guess, based on the fact that he thinks it may unsettle his way of living. This might be as simple as cutting my hair or as complex as my taking up a new sport for exercise.

I should explain that I was sick for an extended period time, but now that I am doing much better, he still wants to hover like an overprotective father. Last month we had argument over the fact that I stayed at the mall past 9 p.m. I felt about 16 all over again !

Coupled with this, he seems to expect me to agree with everything he says or does. Always agreeing; kind a cross between Stepford wife and a cheerleader . If I voice a dissenting opinion, he takes it very personally, and usually shuts down.

I begin to wonder, do I have to sacrifice all of me to be his wife and is it worth it -- can I even do it ?

Has anyone experience this or have any ideas ?

Thanks for reading.

(((Pauline)))

Hey, you've been on this site for a day or two, I guess I'm curious, how much of the basic concepts are you using? What are your top 5 needs, are they being met in the marriage or somewhere else? What are his top 5 needs? Are you guys spending 15 hours of quality time together a week? How are you in the Love Busters department? What about Independent Behaviors? Hmmmmm......

Here's what I'm getting to, you've been around a while. Yet your posts from the past are all pretty similar and I want to know what YOU are doing about it......

It sounds to me like you have not even BEGUN to implement any of the Marriage Builders program suggestions. Start off by having him read and understand this program, and then try to have you and he fill out the questionnaire on Emotional Needs. Once this is done you can move on to negotiation to fulfill both your needs and then onto Love Busters and beyond.

You have to start somewhere. Coming here and whining about him without being proactive will not get you far. Tell him you are concerned about your marriage, and ask him if he would be willing to take this path with you. I am sure once he agrees to it, things will turn around for the better.