What have been the experiences of other people here in regards to how long this takes. For me, it is pretty early, Eday +2, she extremely mad at me, and is trying to get me to share the blame.

"Its funny how you only mention the affair (in the exposure letter) but not what you did to cause this problem"

I know it is babble, my reponse "don't try to justify your actions by blaming me"

If others can share experiences it will give me a better understand to rough timelines and potential outcomes.

Hey, BB - hang in there. Learn reverse babble. I exposed last September so it's been almost a year. He is still blaming me for everything. Some people see a change much sooner, though. Every situation is different.

If you don't know about reverse babble, try searching under Orchid's name. Or maybe someone else will come along with a link. Fasten your seat belt. It's a wild ride from here on.

A year is a bit much. The amount of time is probably directly proportional to the exposures effect on the underlying affair. If exposure busts up the affair as it is intended to do, then she will enter withdrawal. From your posts you stated the affair didn't last that long so withdrawal shouldn't take that long. Her pride may get in the way some but with OM out of the picture she can begin to "work" and address the problems of your marriage.

Once you guys are working on the marriage your in recovery. I beleive she may even take quite awhile into recovery until she forgets about the exposure and accepts it as the necessary intervention it is. Regardless how long it takes she'll eventually have respect for you.

Reverse babble -

I understand honey, if I was having an affair I would be just as mad at you for exposing me.

Yes, I agree it is going to be difficult for us to overcome this whole situation

Yes dear, I didn't think exposing you would save our marriage today, I'm only standing up for our marriage as I would hope you'd do the same if the situation was reversed.

What would you have done?

Your right dear, so I don't make any further mistakes as I attempt to fight for our marriage, what do you propose I do now to fight for our marriage? ---then listen


Just keep Plan A'ing her --- Again, one way or another she will respect your backbone someday.

ACT

Bob, if I were to give an average, I would say 3 weeks. Many get over it in a couple of days, some a few weeks.

Plan A does not include saying:

"don't try to justify your actions by blaming me"

I'm pretty sure that's a Love Buster. You're right, but your listener can't here you. Just cause your getting all the answers here be very careful not to come off as too self-righteous. I may be wrong, but I think a better response would be.

Yes dear, I will gladly acknowledge my shortcomings as they relate to our marital problems. Both of us have obviously made some big mistakes which can not be addressed until the two of us are 100% committed to seeing if such problems can be overcome. Right now I feel as though I am the only 100% committed.

ACT

After my H was exposed we talked the following day. He said he totally f'd up and it was a mistake, took all the blame. Once we got into problems that led up to that point we both talked about what we both did wrong in our marriage the last few years. He never blamed the A on me but he did let me know why he went down that road AND admitted he was looking for it.

Yet, I still think he is in somewhat of a fog, not bad, but a little.

Thanks for all the replies,

Positive update:

When I got home today, my ww was much more civil and we had a short but good conversation. We talk briefly about some issues but nothing to significant.

I am feeling a little more hopeful now, I know there is a long roller coaster ride to go, but at least we hit a small peak today.

:-)

Welcome Back;

Seems your wife is coming around already. Her pride seems hurt and exposure sure can be embarrassing. Watch out for some retaliation. Who knows but be prepared to handle her exposing some secret of yours. This conflict is good. It's better than being withdrawn but you know that already.

As far as time, depending on her level of embarassment probably just a few days, but some upset could last throughout your recovery. For example, my wife still hates to hear anything about my snooping. It just irritates her even though she knows now how necessary it was. She'll understand soon and can accept that she'd have done the same thing; however, she'll wish you'd have handled it differently for quite awhile. After all, her affair is mostly your fault (so her fogged out brain thinks).

Good luck, Mr. Wondering

My wife and I are going away for a long weekend so keep on, keeping on. You're doing great.