How will I know for sure that the A is over? She tells me it is. I believe her. She still goes out with her friends ( I drive her there and she has a cell I can call any time). When do I just let go and continue to work on EN and not LBing?

How will I know for sure that the A is over?

You cannot be sure 100%. There is never a guarantee.

She tells me it is. I believe her.

Do you believe her because she never lied to you about her having an affair in the first place?

She still goes out with her friends ( I drive her there and she has a cell I can call any time).

How much recreational time do you spend together?

When do I just let go and continue to work on EN and not LBing?

"just let go" .... meaning what exactly?

Filling her ENs and not LBing are a ~given~ irregardless if her affair is over or not.

I think a BS can be fairly certain the A is over:

1) When the FWS have withdrawal symptoms (depression, anxiety, anger, grief etc.). However, please note that not ALL FWS’s experience withdrawal. No withdrawal can be a sign of continuous contact with the OP, but not necessarily.

2) When the FWS become an open book and don’t mind to give the BS full access to e-mails, phone records etc. Such a FWS won’t mind if the BS snoop around to get information and/or to make sure that all contact has really ended.

3) When the FWS become honest and open about everything. Such a FWS will also be willing to answer all questions the BS may have about the A honestly and voluntarily.

4) When the FWS is willing to sent a NC letter. Such a letter must be approved by the BS and signed by both the FWS and BS.

I'm sure there are many other things to add, but the above is all I can think of right now. Also note the above is just guidelines and not a 100% guarantee that there is no contact anymore... As Pepperband has said, "you cannot be sure 100%. There is never a guarantee."

Colinm, I’m concerned about the fact that your W still wants to go out with her friends so much. Why don’t the two of you go out together alone and/or why don’t you join her when she visit her friends? Or why don’t you find mutual friends together (like other married couples) to spend time with? I don’t know, but it sound if your W still wants to behave like a single woman.

I believe her when she says it's over because she told me about it after it was done. She is in a bit of a funk; I mean she is going through withdrawal. She is being honest with me as well. If I ask her she will tell me without hesitation.

We do things together from time-to-time. We have four children and she is home all day with them. That makes it kind of hard. We don't want to depend too much on other family members to watch the kids all the time.

You may be right on the wanting to act like a single woman. She had her first child at 18. She is now 26. Maybe she feels she has missed out on something, like hanging out with friends and going to the bars.

I know and she knows that what we have together (kids, home and us) is not worth losing. This why I believe her when she tells me it is over. We are still going to MC. We have our first appointment next week.

Hi, I have 5 kids was married at 19. Going to the bars was also something I had never done. My H took me to a bar and it was really no fun. Are her girlfriends single?

I prefer to have girlfriend fun in places wherre there are only girls! Bars? heck no.

By the way, HIRE a babysitter. ITS WELL WORTH THE MONEY. Teen girls about 14,15 are the best age. Once they hit 16 they get a life, and when they hit 17 they like to be pursued by my H.