My husband left me 5 days ago. I found out he was having an affair 2 months ago. he choose to stay with me but my anger made it hard to work things out. I would hold it in all week and then cry,yell, tell him to leave and explode. He never had showed me any guilt or seemed sorry for what he had done. when I found out he was seeing her again I explode again and he did leave this time. I really don't want him gone. I do want him back but I know this may not happen. He is staying with her now but is moving in with a friend of ours today. There is a big difference between me and her. I own my home, good job,nice things, good person. she has low job, studio apt,party animal, etc.
this is my question. What is going on now. he came by last night and asked if the light is still messed up. yes it has been messed up for 3 years now, hasnt fixed itself. he is coming by sunday to fix. told me nice shirt, you look pretty in it (my hair was messed up-no make-up) and asked if I wanted money. Handed me a 50 (a 20 wouldnt have been a big shock but the 50 was really big, especially if you new the reason behind what the money was for)
I now it must be the guilt but there was really no guilt shown before. and also when I had asked him if he had quarts of oil in his car because mine was low he offered to go get some. (i told him no I will do it myself today) So defient that its over and so quick to be overly nice. What is going to happen next? I know you are not psycics but I know someone has exactly been here. Thanks.

Post Extras: I posted this on just found out but saw a suggestion to post here-more activity so sorry if some gets stuck reading this twice. thanks

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Kitty, hang in there, take some baby steps.Patience and time is what you need. The advice from the "experts" on here to me was plan A. Read it and try your hardest to make it work, yes it's hard and you will screw upp at times. But, it will especially help you in the long run.
I'm in the same deal as you except My wife is living with the OM, cause "they are in loooooovvvvveeeee". Living together is totally differnt than getting short snipets of each other when you see only the good things.Hang in there

Meow,

Sounds like we got a cake eater. Read up on everything on this site. The main site and the discussion board thread. On the threads do some word searchs to discover old threads of interest.

Don't beat yourself up for your behavior those 5 days. He wasn't really giving you a chance b/c he was still in contact with OW. You can't work on a marriage while the affair is continuing - so don't focus on that.

From now on and if he ever moves back home again you'll be armed with the knowledge from this site. We may not be psychic but nearly all affairs are alike and most (80%) run the same pattern back to marital recovery. Some quick, some very slowly. With the tools from MB you can hopefully hasten that fact. No guarantees. No promises. But the principles here do help you take action, action to expose the affair, break up the affair partners, better yourself, assist with withdrawal and recovery and/or allow you to know you made a honest effort and move on with your life without regrets should it not work out. You get to focus on YOU instead of him and OW.

What's next. As a cake eater he is subconsciously nervous about losing you. He thinks he's in "love" with this OW but unsure, he wants to test it but keep you around just in case. He probably can't imagine a life without you. They all say that, and perhaps mean it. Funny way to show it.

The more strong you are. The more informed you are the better you'll be able to diffuse this situation.

Read up. Call Steve Harley if you can afford it or just post here. We are not professionals, Steve is your best bet.

Read Plan A, Read the 180 Plan, it's a proven narrow path to recovery.

Good luck, Mr. Wonderings