Just separated from my wife 1 week ago . Things was getting very cold and lifeless 3 mths ago and when i try to persuade her to work things out, she suggest separation which i agree( i didnt know there was an affair) cause I thought she finally got too tired and I was tired of being a doormat too. Only now after reading this site that i realsied she have all of the WS's symptoms and Im sure though i have no proof. The guy probably is from her collegue and probably they are not phyisically yet but i cannot be sure. What do i do now? Do i confront her or at least ask her if it is true or act as if i don't know and adopt Plan A? she initally wasnt happy at work but later refused to quit citing that she needs the income. They are colleagues in the same dept, so i can't really stop them from contacting each other and her workimg hours are staggered. wat do i do? I know i have to quickly adopt plan A but the problem is that we have talk about me not meething her emotional needs before and i lapsed occassionally eg I snapped at her recently but also because I felt like a doormat. She will use my quick temper against me.


please help

Welcome..... And in answer to your question, no you don't confront her with no evidence based only on suspicion, this will hurt your chances for recovery.

I would suggest reading through the "Basic Concepts" on this site. Impliment a stellar Plan 'A' and at the same time, if you have suspicions, then try to gather evidence. Do not confront or disclose anything until you have proof that cannot be disputed. The problem with confronting too early is that it would give her the chance to go deeper and cover her tracks better.

Along with all this, what's up with the quick temper? Are you working on that? A huge part of Plan 'A' is eliminating Love Busters, ANGRY OUTBURSTS, and disrespectful judgments.

thanks for the reply. My problem now is that since tat day we separate, she has refuse to speak to me or see me? if can't have any contact with her, how do i implement Plan A?
Another thing is that we have raised the issues of me not meething her ENs b4 and I swear i really want to change but everyday grind makes me loose focus and I soon became careless again. And what i afraid is that could this be the last straw? I really very hopeless and dying inside..I really can't bear to lose her. The situation now is that she showed all the symptoms of affairs since May and she was depressed for a period of time out of the blue ( guilt i suppose) but I didnt know that it was an affair. I suggested seeing a doctor but she refused and say she is better already. But as time goes, she got very cold and when i ask her wats wrong, she just say she doesnt know. As time goes, i start to feel resentment of being ignored and love busters sets in. Today i heard fr fren tat she dont want to get involved. Btw, she is my partner for 4 yrs , not married and wasnt living together. How do i implement PLan A in this sitaution? Since separated, we didnt contact for 4 days and i heard fr fren tat she was worried abt me. Last nite I text her to say I won't give her up and i still love her . And today i heard fr my fren tat says she sounded happier as if nothing happped. What is happening and what should i do?



Please help me, i need all the advise i need.

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