This is clearly not about your wife's weight. You'll be more able to accurately sort out what's involved, but some things that seem to be there are:
* expectations
* comfort
* "home"
* care
* time
Does it make sense that you would have gotten married so quickly, but now, you feel jaded? Why did you get married so quickly...there must have been something there. A spark, a union, a warmth, comfort, love, security, romance, laughter...maybe even all of those things.
Your wife may have been "hiding" her "true" self in order to be "good enough" to marry you. Now, of course she's "good enough," but she might not feel that way. She might have just been falling over herself with glee that someone as dashing and cool and successful as you would even speak to a country girl like her. So she worked out...now she's married and the bubble burst. But she was showing you her best side, who she can be, who she wishes to be...and you were doing the same. You were dashing and successful and smooth. Not critical and rash.
I don't know if it's a concept here at MB, but I've met a few folks/counselors who believe that people find marriage partners in order to go through and grow through exactly what you are facing. Reject this marriage, and it's possible that you will face all of the same issues with another partner in the future...and it might get worse...she might not love you as much as your current wife does.
You stating that you don't love her sounds very rash. It sounds quick and devastating. Frankly, it sounds awful. What if you've "sort of" made comments to your wife, so that she feels like your love is connected to her weight or her performance or behaviour or whatever. When she diverges, something comes out of you like "what?? ...you won't love her if she..."
In that light, it would make sense for her to put on weight. A country girl in big ole LA with a new husband with whom she is now fighting. Oh no! Sounds awful for her. She needs a big hug.
Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Successful Families might help. Or maybe a "pre-marriage" or "newleyweds" workshop of some kind. You'd be surprised what such weekends can do for a couple.
From my end, I don't think the two of you understand each other right now, and if you did, I think your hearts would melt and the arguing would convert into discussing.
Of course she wants to live in the country, bozo, that's where she's from and the marriage is very frightening for her.
If you are willing to look at things from a win-win perspective, you might figure out a way for the two of you to go spend a week or two with her parents. Maybe this has been super fast for her too. Or at least a long weekend. Geeze.
Maybe you feel horrible because the two of you have a genuine, beautiful love, and somewhere inside, you can't believe how you are behaving towards this loving soul who you married.
Yes, both of you have expectations, dreams, goals, etc. You can, if you so choose, create a marvelous life together. Both of you rushed into marriage, maybe because you wanted to hide your "baggage" from each other. Now, if you want to use the "model" of "we got into this marriage in order to heal ourselves," then now's your chance.
Now's your change to work out a solution where your wife can feel happy and connected to her family. Now's your chance to get that giggling country girl back into your life. And she might be overweight right now, but get her happy, and my guess is that she'll turn "plump," and sorry, plump is very nice, if you ask me...heck, she might even get to "shapely," which is very sexy...not the starved, sick models we see in our magazines...yuck!
At any rate, here's your chance to work through your own baggage, to become who you know you can be with love and teamwork.
If your wife truly loves you, which she apparently does, then even without really knowing anything about your situation, I believe you'd be a fool to reject her.
Sincerely,
D--
