I was married for 13 years and that's a very long story that ended badly. I am a Christian so this divorce was particularly hard on me and I had a nervous breakdown before I asked my now ex husband for a divorce. I have two children that I split custody with 50/50 with my ex.
I met a wonderful man who had been married before and his wife had left him for another man, after only two years of marriage. He has one son. He splits custody 50/50 with his ex. We courted and fell in love pretty quickly and I've been the happiest I've ever been in my life.
My husband had done extensive marriage counseling by himself before his divorce. He wanted to get a figure on what he'd done wrong and what he did to cause his marriage to end and work through his issues. He read alot of books, Dr. Phil, James Dobson. I've never met a man more into communication than he is and he's very intuitive about my feelings. I've also done IC before several times in my life due to some childhood abuse- sexual, mental, physical and emotional.
Before we were married we talked about alot of things and he was insistent that he never wanted our sex life to go downhill. He said he felt like his exwife never wanted him that way and he didn't ever want to be in that position again. In my first marriage I had never really cared for sex, I didn't have orgasms and I felt like a sex object. It's completely different this time. My husband now does what is necessary to please me in bed and I could have sex everyday now. It's like once I have had good lovemaking I can't get enough! We talked about who should initiate lovemaking and how it could be done to keep the other partner from being rejected, who should plan dates etc.
We got married early in July and I moved into his home. He works two jobs, really three, because he is a teacher and a coach and then he waits tables at a 4 star establishment. We're working to get debt free in three years except our house so that we can build a bigger home.
When we were dating we made love every time we were together and he was never too tired it seemed. Since I've moved in I feel like I'm more interested in it than he is. We've only made love once in ten days! I know that he gets tired from working and I understand that but last night he was off and we didn't even make love. He knew my feelings were hurt and I felt rejected and he did try to make me feel better, saying that he loved me. I stayed awake on and off all night crying because frankly I feel undesired already and we've only been married a month and a half.
I couldn't even talk to him about it by this morning because I was ashamed and embarrassed <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> that I even have to discuss this with him at this point. I had to send him an e mail to tell him how I felt because I couldn't stop crying long enough to talk about it. He sent me a very sweet e mail and basically said all the right things and that he was sorry that he hurt my feelings, how much he loved me etc and that he was just tired. Then he called me a couple of times today and I was starting to feel better a bit. The lump in my throat had gone down.
So in his last call he was just saying how he couldn't believe I thought I initiated more than he did. He said initiating to him would be different than how I'm approaching him when I want to make love. He says that as we're hanging up the phone and something about how we both have to learn together how to please each other etc. He's told me so many times in the past that I'm the best lover he's ever had. How can that possibly be true when he's #1 not interested in me and #2 tells me that I don't initiate lovemaking the way he wants me to? I sent him a text that said "This morning you tell me I'm doing everything right and it's not me and this afternoon you tell me something different, I'm confused, which is it you need to be honest" He had a meeting and tonite has to work.
I thought he would call me before his other job as he usually does but so far no. I know I'm high maintenance but he knows that my love language is affection because we've discussed all that. I just feel like all of that talking that we did before marriage did no good. I've also never been rejected for sex in my life- boyfriends, ex husband, no one.
I'm scared. I want so badly for this marriage to work and I can't believe we're having sex issues already when we had such a good sex life before!!!! Help me please.....
