I have been married for 15 years, my H and i have 3 children 10 8 and 6. He left me in july. Said he needed a few days to figure things out. It went from i love you too much, to I am not sure if i love you or in love with you. Now its i love you as the mother of our children. Reasons he gave for leaving was that i did not stand behind him with children and was a sloppy housekeeper. I retired in april, we worked at same place he was hoping to replace the boss who was retiirng, With me gone it would give him a better chance. Well he did not get it, he has had some health problems during this. He still comes over and we have a a good sex life. ( i know should i still let him in my bed)He stopped wearing his wedding ring about 3 weeks ago. I had never had mine off since he placed it on my finger, he know how much that means to me. Well i took it off sitting next to him, I ask him to put it back on my finger and he did. We cuddle alot while watching tv, and most always end up in bed. He has ask me for a divorce 4 times, but he has yet to see a lawyer, He is helping me with the bills etc. Yesterday i found out that he is talking alot to an old GF from his high school days, she is married, I am told that she is happy with her hubby, last night we had our frist fight since all this started, He said some really hurtful things to me. Later in the night he called and ask to come over, He told me he knew our children would never say it, so he would, thank you for keeping our house clean for the children. ( this was one of the reason he left me) I started to cry ,itold him i was sorry for crying, and it was the frist time he ever told me he was sorry. Am i just grasping at straws to think he might come back to me and our childen? He still spends 2 to 3 nights aweek with me all night and we sleep together like old times wrapped in each other arms. I still lov ehim and if he having an affair or maybe thinking about i can forgive him.I should add i am 44 and he just turned 41. My frist marriage his second. God help me i love him so.

Bonnieblue,

Welcome to MB, although we all wish you never had to come here.

Read everything on this site. There is a lot of information. Also get "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley.

It is probable that your Husband is having an affair. Where does he live?

There is hope for you, but you must do most of the work yourself. You must first get informed, so you have to read.

I'll try to bump a thread for newbies for you.

Somebody with more experience will come along soon.

Don't lose hope, there are many things that you can do.

cc

Bonnie

go to the "just found out" forum and read the first 3 posts. They have a lot of information for you.

He is staying with his parents, so i know where he is most of the time. And thank you, I really do feel so lost without him. But i know i have to be strong for my children.

Bonnie,

Have you heard the saying...why buy the cow when the milk is free??

You have kind of a backwards fencesitting going on here. The man is getting "IT" three or four times a week, yet can live away from the grind of the kids (when you gave their ages, I slightly winced) and the daily hub bub of reality.

He can go to his folks' and his MOM probably waits on him.

Even if he is not having an affair, I think he is totally enjoying his new carefree lifestyle. I may be all wet.

If he was having an affair, why would he move back in with MOM? Not a whole lot of privacy there. (If that is where he really is!)

k

Yes that is where he is staying, she lives 1 mile from me, so its easy to see when he is home. He has to live with her, he cannot afford a place on his own, so yea he is getting the milk for free and everything else. Thing is maybe i am wrong i keep thinking that by allowing him to come home and spend the nights and get "it" it will help rekindle our love. I have never been thur this before. I had 2 serious relationships during my 20's. and when they was over its was over no contact what so ever. He is the frist person i ever lived with.

The first thing on your agenda needs to be verifying that there is an affair, and exposing it to the other woman's husband.

He has told me he is talking to her but just as friends, should i call her H and have him check her cell phone bill?

today has been a really hard day, i woke up at 4 am, and cannot stop crying, i know time heals and if you pick at it , it will not heal. But I am missing him so bad today. Its all i can do to keep from picking up the phone and calling him.

I got his nextel phone bill in today, i put just a little h2o on and nuked it for 10 seconds, opened easy.) However NADA on the phone numbers however he went over his 1000 mins on direct connect. He is talking to someone for alongtime( Why am i the one who feels so guilty about what has happened here.

Keep checking, but don't let your husband know, or he will just get more clever at hiding things. If you know where the OW lives, have a friend follow her on a day when you know your husband usually goes out.

You can call around to the nearby hotels, and see if he is registered. I told the desk person that my brother was coming in from out of town and gave WH's name. That is a quick way to check them out.

You can put a recorder in his vehicle, or if you have money, a GPS.

My H just called me, told me he is thinking about comming home if its ok with me, said he would sleep in our spare bedroom. I know this is only for our children. Is it the right thing to do. I want him back so bad. I guess its a start, i just do not think i can handle it if comes home only to leave me again