Is it good to contact the OM, to tell him to butt out of my marriage? Exposure day +3, I would assume this would put further pressure on the affair and make it die faster.

Why would he care what you say?

GC

BetrayedBob,

I thought the same as you, so I talked to OM. Like most who have tried, I found that the OM doesn't give a damn what you think or feel. He's as addicted to the A as your WW and he'll either act understanding of you, or tell you to bug off. Either way he'll just keep seeing your WW.

You might even end up boosting his ego and appetite for the A, seeing you down and at his control. OM aren't always the nicest, most rational people you'll meet...

Hello BetrayedBob,

Here is a female point of view. I had never met OW or heard her name before Dday. Since Dday I've spent many hours talking to her on the phone. Not sure why but she seemed to care about my feelings more than H did at the time. My H is the one who was obsessed with her. Not so much she with him.
She seemed fine to let him go. She stopped responding to his attempts to contact her. (Unless she is also a good liar, I assume this to be the truth.)

Funny thing, all the things that annoy him SO MUCH about me she does. She talks too much (on and on and on and on and on...)He is not a talker.

She smokes, something he hates.
She has very expensive tastes. Something he could never afford in a million years.
She flirts like mad, as she is not afraid to talk to anyone and puts on a good show. Yet my H initially told me she hates men and has no female friends. Not true. She loves men and seems to be attracted to others, not just my H per the conversations I've had with her. She became very good friends with one of my H's friends. That particular friend is very handsome, lets just say in a different class of looks than my H. (I don't mean that as being mean towards my H, however he really is just average and it wasn't his looks that attracted me to him initially, it was his charm - (where on earth did that go?? - haha


Anyway, contacting OP just brings up more questions for me. Some people cant deal with that. Good luck to you in whatever you decide.

I wish I knew the answer to this question. I have gone back and forth trying to decide whether or not to contact ow. I probably would not even consider it if she had been leaving my FWH alone. Dday was in June. 2 days later he told her it was over and done, but she hasn't stopped trying to talk to him. Last attempt was a phone call to his boat yesterday. And an email on Tues.

I have told FWH that she better stop because I'm THIS CLOSE. But I guess I haven't because he does not want me to. He thinks ow will stop eventually on her own if he keeps ignoring her. I'm not too sure.

I guess logically I would think contacting the op is not a good idea. They really don't care about a thing you say. They have their own agenda. However....I may be throwing logic to the wind. I just would hate to regret that I did it or gave the op any benefit from confronting them whatsoever. Someone here told me silence towards the op is deafening.

Hi Michelle,

Nice to see you here.

Bob:

Call the om if you must, but understand this: He doesn't care what you think; he has been intimate with your wife, and probably has some things to say that will really upset you; calling him feeds his ego, making him feel more important than he ever was.

Calling the op is like a lovebuster; it may feel good for about 10 minutes after you do it, butit causes all sorts of damage that you will then have to work to undo.

And...silence is the only thing an op deserves. It is deafening. It screams at them that they never mattered. If you don't believe me, go to gloryb.com, the other woman site, and read the 'endings' board where all the pathetic, rejected ow carry on about 'how could their MM who they meant so much to, go NC on them.

It is far better, IMO, to hold your head high, and get your revenge by having a better, happier marriage than you did before the A.