This is my story. I would really like to hear what you all think of this. I was in a 7-year relationship (lesbian couple). It's been 5 weeks and she hasnt even tryed to contact me.

Ok the story. She began disappearing on the weekends to stay at her moms or her friend from high schools house. I started to notice a telephone usage pattern. She began getting weird when I was in the same room with her while she was on the phone. I began drilling her about it. I got jealous. We broke up. Actually I am the one that told her it was over and that I wanted to see other people. She said fine and hung up on me. She than told me she need her space. She needs to find herself. I did not understand this. She did not explain to me exactly what I need to do to give her space. She said lets be friends. That’s all we were anyways for all of these years. She didn’t want to work on us. She wants to work on her. She than began saying stuff like what if I start dating other people. Are you going to be able to handle it?

Things started to get worse. For weeks since June to July 21s she started disappearing. She didn’t come home from work. She stopped calling me all of the time. She was still having those phone calls. Spending the night at her hs freinds house every weekend or at her mother’s so she said. She would get defensive with me anytime I tried to talk to about what was going on. She told me to leave her and alone and give her her space. It’s none of my business who she is talking to or where she is going. During our vacation July 3 – July 10 she disappeared the entire week. Said she was staying at her moms July 3 and 4th. Said she was going to her hs freinds party on the 9th. I was so hurt. I started smoking, became obessed with what she was doing.

Finally I broke down and on July 21s 2005 I contacted her mother crying. Her mother told me that her daughter told her that I was the one running around with my friends every night while my ex sat all alone in the house. She told her mom I yelled and screamed at her and said I didn’t like her. Said I wanted her out of the house. I never did any of those things. She did all of those things. Saying she was going to leave. Her mom also told me she hasn’t stayed at her house since Easter. So that means father’s day weekend she lied about staying at her mom’s house to bake. My ex says she stayed at hs friends house b/c she got tired of me flipping out of where she was going. That’s a lie. We didn’t break up until the 20th. .

Yea right. I contacted the ow who is the one I think my ex is seeing. She is a 22 year old bi-sexual girl. Her mom told me her daughter mentions the ow a lot. the ow hung up on me. 10 minutes later my ex calls screaming at me. I heard a female voice in the background and it sounded like the ow. ex told me she was with her co-worker looking at apartments. Yea right. So when she got home 3 hours later I told her to get out. She moved her things out July 22 and July 23. I left the house. The next day all of a sudden she is being nice. Wants to be friends. Says she needs to move out on her own for awhile. I asked her if we will ever get back together she says she doesn’t know. Whatever! I told her not to contact me for awhile. She is cold. I must accept the fact that she does not love me. She told me we aren’t compatiable and hasn’t loved me in years.

All the harsh words she said to me run thru my head constantly. "We arent compatiable" I never loved you, I dont want you, you need to find your own friends.
I think what really hurts the most is 5 years ago I had cancer. She went thru 3 surgeries and chemo with me. How can someone just turn their back. I am so freakin hurt.

She was obssessed with the darn phone. Wouldnt talk to me. When I cryed she would just look at me hard and cold. Asked me why I am so needy. Yelled and screamed at me.
I can't stop thinking about it. I am so hurt.

I looked at the cell phone bill she contacted the ow 190 times in a month and there were over 800 text messages sent and received in the same period. she was calling the ow at 6am. getting calls at 3am. of course she denied it. said she was calling "her friend" to get her up on the morning.

she didn't pay the phone bill that is in my name $800. all her phone calls now i am stuck with it.

Hi there.

It is slow here at night sometimes, so do not be discouraged if you do not get many replies. I am sorry that you find yourself in this sitch, none of us want to be here...but this is an awesome place to come to heal your relationship....and, mostly, yourself.

First, I would suggest that you read everything you can on this site. It is geared for heterosexual married couples( heck, what isn't, right?), BUT I have found that the information works for not only my husband and me, but for my kids, and my freinds as well. If we all have love banks...then they all need to be filled regardless of the actual relationship.

Second, I would edit your post and take out all the names. I know I wanted to use the name of my OW all the time when I first came here...but this is supposed to be anonymous...so you need to do that.

It sounds like your partner was cheating on you; she sounds like the typical WS(wayward spouse). Many of the people on here have heard the exact same words.

You are strong and you can make it!!! Just read, read, read, and post as much as you want. You may also want to take your discussion to the General Questions board...there is almost always more traffic there.

I wish you the best.

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Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a great place to be under the circumstances. Yep, it sounds like you have figured out the affair partner.

Now the best thing is to get in Plan A. If you talk to her, no relationship talk. Try to figure out her top emotional needs, and see if she will let you meet them - but usually when they are involved with someone else, they won't.

How was the relationship before?

That's why I am so confused. In May she told me she loved me and told me how cute I am. We made plans. We were making plans on what to do with the house I bought a year ago. We were planting stuff in the front yard.

Than all of a sudden she doesnt love me. Tells me this relationship isnt going to work. SHe doesnt want to work on it.
She just got mean. I started getting prank phone calls. prob from the ow.
Like I said it's been 5 weeks with NC. I don't think she give a crap about me anymore.

Sadly, that is how it usually happens. They are in love one minute, and with someone else 2 weeks later. It often happens as a friendship first, but then some emotional need is being met by the other person, and VOILA!, an affair.

I think it is especially hard on lesbian couples, because of the lack of legal protection. We have a member here, Just J, who ended up in a 2 year court battle, just to have visitation rights with their child. You might want to watch for her. She usually hangs out in General Questions on the Gray's Campfire thread.

So, start doing the Plan A stuff, and see if you can stay calm and meet some of her needs.