Does the cheater ever feel remorse? Are they ever sorry? How long does it take before they realize what they did? Do they ever apologize?

Many, many feel true remorse. Others don't seem to ever be sorry. They just move on to the next relationship.

After 3 years, my WH says he is sorry for hurting me, but he is still living with the other woman. So does that count?

believer us right. I also beleive that some people are just selfish to the core. Some are not and just made a mistake.

I now know 3 people who have been the WS. One is mostly selfish to this day, one really isn't all that selfish but not really screwed together right and one to be determined.

Ofcourse the selfish one doesn't really feel remorse.

My H has never shown remorse. He said he does not regret the A because things were so bad between us when it started. (I would say we WERE just co-existing under the same roof. We are trying right now but who knows about the future.)
He has never said he is sorry either. I'm sure he has no clue that he tore my whole world apart. I want more than anything in the world to just hear "I am sorry for what I did to you and I feel like crap that that I did this."

Not happening. I want him to know how he made me feel but it doesn't seem to be in the cards. He just goes on day to day like things should be fine. They are not. I am a mess inside and he no clue.

There are many posters on this board however, who's WS are very sorry and remorseful. I hope that you will hear from some of them also.

I am a good person. I did a horrible thing. I was a cheater.

I feel great remorse for what I did.

I have chosen to mend my life, my relationship and be a good person. I have chosen to try to learn to protect my wife and tend to her with my giver.

I tell you this because I want you to know that if I can change for the better, so can someone else.

How long? I have no idea. It took me getting caught to shock me into the right way. I am still learning to do the right things to overcome the pain I have caused my wife. But I was remorseful almost immediately.

I hope that is comforting. That it is possible for a cheater to feel remorse.

Apologies are nice, I guess. Real change, safety and love seem to be the things my wife is after.

just some thoughts. I hope I helped.

I am a WS myself. After my H first found out, I can say that I was not remorseful. I was angry that he found out. We started working on things, and I said I was sorry, and I truly meant it. But then I honestly started feeling a little resentful. I had to end a relationship that, despite how wrong I knew it was and how it could never ever amount to anything ... it still made me happy while it happened. I allowed that to affect my M, and things went back to how they were pre-A. And that led me to call the OM again ... no, my selfishness led me to call the OM again. It took getting hid over the head with the 2x4 of being served with D papers to honestly feel remorse. I am now working harder than I ever have to rebuild a M that my H and I can both be proud of.

So in answer to your question, yes, some cheaters do feel remorse. It takes different amounts of time and different situations for different people, but it can happen.

Yes, they do. I had a nervous breakdown before I left my husband of 13 years. I didn't leave him for another man but yet I still feel guilty for leaving him the way I did.

rubyfruit,

Somehow my WH is able to completely block out all the suffering and pain his A has caused me, our children, his best friend, our extended family, our circle of friends...

He has not shown ANY remorse. He just goes on sitting on the fence eating cake, trying to look like Mr. Prince Charming whilst getting sneakier and more selfish as time goes on.

If there were not examples here of WS that behaved truly self-centered and nasty during their A and then turned around and actually committed 200% to rebuilding a BETTER M than before the A, I would now be serving my WH D papers. But I'm not. I'm getting ready for Plan B and I bet it will be a long one, because my WH is so stubbornly self-righteous.

There are enough inspiring stories here to make me hope this will all be worth it.

P. S. Oh yeah, there are also examples here where the FWS didn't express true remorse until well into recovery...