I am sure I got you with the subject line. HA! My masterplan is complete.

Anyway, I had a question for BSs here.

This is a marriage building site. That's the idea. So, we post to each other and talk about topics. Everyone interjects their ideas, if they happen to actually post, and we all read them.

I think everyone is guilty of posting from their own perspective(not meaning to use the word guilty as a bad word...just stating a fact)

So here is my question. If someone were to read your post and they thought that your words were filled with anger, hatred or bitterness, would you want someone to tell you? Would you be receptive to it?

We don't have a problem telling a WS they have flawed ideas(smacking them around for still being in the affair, still lying about something, so on and so on... all of which I agree with. WS folk need to have errors in thought and action pointed out.)

I am not sure what brought this up in my mind. Maybe the posts like(sorry to single people out) the one asking if you had beaten the OP.

Would you want someone to tell you you sounded bitter? Angry? Or would you rather continue to live in bitterness and anger and just have people not point it out?

Seems like a version of conflict avoidance if I don't speak up against ideas I do not agree with.

I guess, in the idea of no one is perfect, would you as a BS want someone to tell you that you sound very negative? Or would you rather they let you be negative?

yes.

you can't fix what you don't acknowledge.

Patriot - People have told me that I'm angry and bitter, and I don't post to them anymore!!!!!! Just kidding. I think it depends on how close to D-day the BS is. It is normal for months to be extremely emotional. If it has been over a year or two, it might be helpful to point it out.

LOL

hook
line
&
sinker
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

patriot,



That's pretty much what happened to me when I first joined MB. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

My registration date is wrong. I found MB in March 1998 when it was brand new,,VERY few members! I posted with a different name and lost that name in a big forum crash in 1999.

I was angry when I joined. VERY angry and VERY hurt. I posted and received many helpful suggestions to deal with these wild crazy mood swings. There was another poster (another BS) also having alot of problems dealing with the betrayal. He was far more outspoken than I and aroused the wrath of the other posters often. Often enough that he was banned a few times, and eventually left the board. I saw what happened to him for expressing his rage. I saw what happened to him when he couldn't "heal" fast enough. And in an effort to remain on the board, I quit posting about my REAL hurt. My anger. I read all the time but posted seldom.

patriot, it's not just FWS's that get slighted at times on the forums. Many times it's BS's too. I guess we identify with the posters whose situation most closely matches ours.

amen what you said Nerly

Patriot
I am always happy to be critiqued. In my shamefully prolific MB career, I have been censured many many time for the lack of restraint, shall we say, in my posts.

There is, however, a lily-livered streak of political correctness running through parts of this board thatis not condicive to the emotionally charged atmosphere that is usually prvailing here and in fact inflames ire rather than calming it.

Also I think there is a gulf in perception between FWS and BS that will never close. Someone who has had an affair will perhaps ever think of OPs as ordinary people, misguided, sympathetic or whatever while some BS will ever consider them manifestations of satan's hate on earth.

To you (perhaps) wanting to beat up OM seems awful - "why would a person want to beat up soneone who is hurting, has a bad marrige, whatever".

To me its how can a BH ( particularly) NOT want to feel the flesh yield of the scum who insulted them?

So YES iam happy to be critiqued, but I will critique RIGHT back.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

That's one of the reasons I am here! I want truthful opinions. I want helpful criticism, suggestions for self improvement.

Of course, I want comfort and compassion through this anguishing time, too. But I am not the type to gripe and moan and feel sorry for myself forever.

I've received a lot of help, strength, inspiration, courage, and resolution from this site --- not just from my own threads, but other's as well. Not just from othe BS, but from BS as well. Not all advice given will work for me, but I'm an intelligent adult, I sift through it, examine it, and find some very, very special gems.

p.s. I only confronted OW once and that was to take away her resposibilites as godmother to my youngest and forbid her contact with my children and my H. She has not dared come near my children since, unfortunately its a different story with WH. To tell you that I have never phantasized about poisoning the OW, knocking her teeth out with a bat, or severing the brake lines of her car would be a lie. I'm over that now. I just wish she would dissappear from the face of the earth. Poof, evaporated, without a trace.

ditto every word, my spokesman Bob, said!

Good question. BS should learn NOT to be conflict avoiders as much as possible in all aspects of our lives. It is hard but doable.

Constructive criticism has it's value. I've been told off royally here @ MB. I listen and take the valuable points, then move forward. Sometimes it is blantantly hostile and wrong....for those occasions I decie whether I deal with it or let it go. IMHO, one should not argue with an unreasonable person.

JMHO,
L.

Yes, absolutely Pat. But if someone is going to let me have their opinions of my mental/emotional state and any lack they perceive in it, they better be ready to get it right back.

And then we can both step back and reflect on our shared imperfectness. LOL