faithful,

Can you get access to his phone and auto forward the calls to Dial-A-Prayer or something?

Lots of hugs to you!

Dobie

Well I lost my temper with him. I will try again, pep. He calls so angry again about me getting into his "stuff" right on the heals of "I want to be M'd to you". I lost it and ranted about his putting me through this yet again.

LOL, dobie. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

K, AAO and Froz thanks for keeping an eye on me. I had less than 2 hours sleep and my stomach is a wreck. Can't eat either.

Is there a way to forward calls? I'd love to have calls from OW2 forwarded to OW1 and vice versa. I'm evil today.

And eat SOMETHING!

Dobie, I love it your ideas are pure evil! hee hee

{{{{{Faithful}}}}}

OMG! Just stopped by for a quick looksie and saw that Stan has been tampering. Honey! *ahem* If I'm not a loser, well you're no idiot!!! This just rots! Sucks and blows!

And Dobie is on to something I think - I know my cell calls can be forwarded. I like it.

I wish, so wish that this wasn't happening. You don't deserve this. You know I never sleep? Well, rarely - ask around! If you need human contact at 3am shoot me an e-mail: sally.athelny@gmail.com .

Much love to you and prayers and all good thoughts,
Sally

Thanks Sal. Ok, I am only an idiot in Idiotville hows that?

Loving you tonight, FF.


slh

I'll be around all weekend (include all hours of the night - I don't sleep much) if you need an ear.

I will be checking in all weekend. I just watched Oprah and Clay Aiken was on singing his song, "I will carry you" It is beautiful--

CLAY AIKEN LYRICS

"I Will Carry You"

Yeah I know it hurts, Yeah I know you're scared walking down the road that leads to who knows where. Don't you hang your
head don't you give up yet when courage starts to disappear I will be right here.

[Chorus:]

When your world breaks down and the voices tell you turn around. When your dreams give out I will carry you, carry you.
When the stars go blind and the darkness starts to flood your eyes. When you're falling behind, I will carry you.

Everybody cries, Everybody bleeds, No one ever said that lifes an easy thing. Thats the beauty of it, when you lose your
way, close your eyes and go to sleep and wake up to another day.

[Chorus]

You should know now that you're not alone. Take my heart and we will find, you will find, your way home.

When your dreams give out I will carry you, carry you. When the stars go blind and the darkness starts to flood your eyes.
When you're falling behind, I will carry you, carry you, I will carry you, carry you, I will carry you, carry you, I will
carry you.


You have us praying for you, and God is with you--anyone can see that.

ff - Just catching up and found this horrible news. I am so sorry. So very, very sorry. I wish I could have decent advice to give, but I don't. All I know is that if I were to find that right now, I am afraid it would be the end of the road for me. But who knows? Once again, I am so sorry. If it helps any, I hate her, too. Evil.

FF...darling...sweetheart....I know it is like re-opening the wound, and scraping of the scar tissue but you've been here before.

The appetite, the pain, the revisiting of D-Day....his words mean nothing FF.

His words are like wisps of smoke on the wind, spoken, scattered and forgotten.

Take Pep's advice concerning the Texas hold-em attitude but take care and prepare yourself.

And please quit listening to his words.

There is only one decent and honorable person in your marriage FF and it isn't hubby.

Act accordingly.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

Faithful

I just got home & AW told me about what you found out.

I'm so sorry that he's hurt you again. I am sorry to hear he is being what I thought he was only on one issue.

Our love & very big hugs to you hon.

And you'd better be looking after yourself young lady or I will have to have you force feed with Swiss chocolate and Aussie wine!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> .. or is that the reward???? not sure, but watch out!

Faithful,

Our prayers may be silent but you're not alone... We love you.

Sally

FF, I just read this whole thread and I am so sorry. I really don't know your A story, I just know that you are a great person and don't deserve this crappola. Last Saturday H and I were out to dinner. I asked him to look at me and I said to him, "H, do me a favor. If you ever have the desire to go over to the dark side again, just let me know first." The idea that any FWS would choose to put their S through this again makes me want to slap the crap out of him, and I have some extra evil fantasies about what I would do to your H's OW. Or OWs? How many friggin OWs does he have anyway?

Are you on an AD? How about sleeping meds? I believe in drugs if it helps us to cope and have a clearer head in order to deal with this trauma. If your worried about drowsiness my doc prescribed sleeping meds that didn't have side effects. I am sending prayers to you and your family. You are not an idiot. Just a beautiful, forgiving W who believed her very stupid H. HUGS! CV

Dear FaithfulFollower,
I guess it's time to become a FaithfulLeader as far as you H is concerned.

A year after my d-day #1 and #2 I told my H one evening that I felt there were still things he wasn't telling me. He blew me off with a "..gotta sleep, gotta get up early" and went to sleep. That night I prayed for an answer, for the truth because I could just feel things weren't as they should be. The next day I found proof he had been fooling around again..

My conclusion is that my H probably is SA. There was an A with my BF (what a great friend she was !), going to P's, internet sex, chatting (and God knows what else) with women on the internet... One week after I told him that I no longer wanted to stay in our M since he lied to me again, after I gave him a chance etc., he started dating other women (plural). Yet he still claims he loves me, wants to grow old with me, yadahyadah...

Sounds familiar?
I dunno why you keep putting up with his behavior.
Unless the man goes into some serious counseling/therapy and grows up, he'll keep on hurting you and justifying his behavior.

My H was very upset when I asked for complete access at his e-mail and all his on-line accounts. Only when I wouldn't budge he gave into my request. But by then it was too late - d-day #3 - and his initial "shocked" refusal made me realise he really wasn't ready for recovery, just wanted to keep his little phantasy world going on and on.

You're too young honey (I'm 44 too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />) to spend your life worrying about what your H will be up to next. Him going into counseling would be the very least he can do, if you still want to give him another chance.

I decided to get out of the M. But we don't have any children so that is a different story.

((((FF))))

BH, I guess it is obvious where my biggest dilemna lies isn't it? My DD adores her daddy and this pains me so.

All of you are so wonderful I just don't know what to say. I had dinner last night with friends. Came home put the kids to bed and went to sleep. Feel better this morning though my heart will not stop beating out of my chest.

RM, I know words are just words. Funny how I can see others sits but not see clearly on my own. Ok, this is what know.

1. He confessed to seeing OW/OC once since the birth. I expect more confessions to come.

2. I do believe him when he says it is not a PA. It is an EA though. He has this twisted sense of responsiblity to her. Rescuer syndrome?

3. I have a promise for a full confession and explanation of his feelings that led to all of this.

4. I secured a promise for the phones to be cancelled and a letter to OW explaining that all communication will be in front of me.

5. He has not fully processed his anger toward me for my years of lies. Our deceptions have really confused and twisted our relationship.

Ok, I have not made up my mind to continue this M. I am sitting back and letting him take the lead. RM, I am trying so hard to let my anger go but it keeps bubbling to the surface. I am so back to day 1 of dday feelings again.

I am eating again. I slept well last night. I will read my bible today. I needs God's comfort and guidance.

These are just words. Watch his actions. It worried me when you said he worked every Saturday. He is not home much and you don't spend much time together. This is NOT good! Believe me, where there is or has been a spark, it can turn to a flame at any time.



Watch his actions.



That is good.



I understand this, but it can also just be an excuse.

Our marriage and relationship was just as twisted, confused and deceptive.

He can hold on to your lies as justification for his behavior, but the past is past. If we could get a round trip ticket back to that time, we would all go back and change a lot of stuff. But we can't.

This is HIS PRESENT and his future. He has the power to take control of it. Do not let him beat you up with the past to justify his behavior in the present.

When he is really ready to do whatever it takes to save the marriage his ACTIONS will show it. Do not settle for less. Don't settle for crumbs and promises.

Susan

Susan, first I am glad you are on here this weekend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I did not let him use my past, he tried. However he also admitted that I have worked my butt off since last November to make up for it and have been an awesome wife since that time. He feels since I lied all those years that my efforts at being a good wife were wasted because of my deception. I agree to a certain extent but not fully.

As for crumbs, no not anymore. He knows what he has to do and I am looking for actions as well. One step at a time though. Susan just the idea that he is willing to try to explain his feelings is big, you know that. This man is the biggest CA on the face of the earth. That is why I am so thrown for a loop. all this time i saw this progress in our M and yet I knew there was something wrong. Now I know what.

Yep, I'm around on and off all weekend. My H. is working a booth at an expo for his work this weekend.



I don't agree.

Nothing you did is any worse than what he is doing now. Would he want that same measure applied to him?

A good counselor can help the two of you sort through all of this. I know you have already done this, but it may be time to give it a go again. Is your list of things something he is freely offering or is it something you requested and he is agreeing to?

When he is really serious, you will be able to sit back and watch him work. His actions will show the change. It won't be like pulling teeth.

Spending time together is so valuable. I remember thinking I would never even LIKE my husband again, we had been through so much. We had to work hard to make time and find things to do that we enjoyed, but it did help us become friends.

My husband loves the outdoors. The first thing we did was buy bikes and start riding. For about three years we got season football tickets to his university football games. (and watching football was like watching paint dry for me ~ exciting! LOL) The other thing we did was start going to the beach together.

Some of that stuff we rarely do anymore, but it helped us to connect at the time.

What can the two of you do with the kids that is FUN besides just hang around the house?

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I have been thinking about that. We do usually enjoy each other when he IS home but he is gone far too much. I really want to go back to our date nights. We used to go to dinner or dessert or a movie together. We haven't had a date since March. Family wise we started bowling which is fun and we have been taking walks together. I did mention that as well as even though I didn't come clean I did put my own personal boundaries in place to be sure I never strayed again. He OTH has had three OW's in 4 years! We have discussed before putting this in the past and moving forward but impossible to do if he is still in an A! I am supposed to hear tonight how it is not an A, but I told him in my book if it is being done behind my back and he went to great lenghts to deceive me then it is an A. Both. He offered up the idea of opening himself up to me and he agreed to my request for all of this to be out in the open and for OW to be told it is out in the open. He also told me (again I know words, words)that he told OW he loves me and wants to stay M'd to me. However, in my opinion his actions don't match up so why would she believe that? The "she needed a phone" excuse almost made me ROTFL. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />