Ok, you are still not listening. You need to set some boundaries to your talk, and having a talk when he picks up DS won't work - it will get emotional.

You need a scheduled meeting, in a public place, with a pre-determined agenda, and without DS.

Wasn't your X the one who wanted to go to a mediator. What happened to that idea.

As you've stated, it will get emotional, so until you are ready to talk about it in a safe place, it may not be possible.

There is one other expensive option. It isn't the best and is probably the most expensive. Hire a divorce mediator (as newly recommended) or each of you get lawyers and let them work out the details of the divorce. Still at some point the two of you may need to work out a few differences.

Hubby doesn't appear to be the one having difficulty controlling his emotions, so even if he won't go to an MT for help, you should go yourself. Mine offered me this service, but I didn't think I needed it.

You could go on allowing your emotions to get in the way of this process for along time, but it's still going to happen and when it does, it won't be pretty. So you have to take action. The sooner the better.

Thanks for your suggestions. H used to be quite emotional as well and still now, he says this is very hard for him. But he's been taking a lot higher dose of AD and that might be helping him.

I know I need to take action. We cannot continue like this forever. I know I just have to do it. ......

Since H will have DS3 this weekend, I will try to come up with scheduled agenda as to what we should talk about and what I am going to say. We both know what we need to talk about. I know what I need to say. The hardest thing is excusion. Even last time we talked I did not want to mention reconciliation, but I got weak and ended up talking about it. WEAK!

H filed for divorce on September 29, and I am receiving a paper today. How nice...

So now H filed, I really have to admit that this is over. Why does this still make me feel so sad and I still have this denying feeling? I am upset with myself that I am this pitiful. H has made it kind of ugly, by putting in untruthful statements in the D papers, which deeply hurt me and upset me. I was very mad. Yet, I still feel the greatest loss when I think of H leaving us for real and I must live my life without him going forward.

I know there is no short cut. But you would think, after nearly 11 months of this nasty situation hearing many hurtful comments and after nearly 6 months of separation, I should be a bit more detached from this man. I am not. This really upsets me. Why can't I hate him? Why do I keep thinking that this is the greatest loss in my life? H lied to me repeatedly, disrespected me, has addictions, etc., yet I am still wanting him back. This is very pitiful.

Is this because I am scared of my life alone? Is that why I feel I "need" him? Or am I still so much in love with him?

Regardless, it really does not matter, since I do not have an option. I want to move on. I want to be able to feel happy again. I want to feel I am OKAY and may become HAPPIER after this and without H.

I have been talking to people a lot, reading a lot, praying a lot, trying to look at good things in my life, being grateful for what I still have, etc., but I am still VERY VERY sad. I feel like I have lost a purpose in my life, and I know this is wrong. H should not be my purpose, but understanding in my head is different from truly feeling it.

Why do I keep hoping that H would feel very sorry for his decision and come home?

I have been reading many stories here, and it seems other people have managed to detach themselves and to start feeling good about their lives w/o their spouses MUCH MUCH sooner. I am really scared that I might get "stuck" in this situation where I continue to feel sad, lonely, betrayed, and hopeless.

And the other difficult task for me. Because it is extremely difficult for me to get over H, I almost want to "hate" him, because then I figured it would be easier for me to move on. That is basically what H did. H convinced himself that I am the source of all of his unhappiness and emptiness. But I know this is not healthy. Besides, for some bizzar reason, I can get really mad at him but can never "hate" him from the bottom of my heart. I don't know why. Maybe I TRULY loved him and still do. But even if I could suppose "hate" him, then that won't be good for DS3. So here I am, I am stuck. I can't hate him, and as long as I remember good things about us and H, I can't move on. How do people do this?

I really do not like to stay in this situation for much longer. Not contacting him myself would help, but b/c we have DS3, we have to communicate. All of these things make it extremely difficult for me to move on. Please help! What can I do to have inner peace and hope?

Let go!

Or let go and let God!

Thanks newly. I have been telling myself that I MUST accept the fact that H no longer loves me. Yet, still some stubborn hope that H may change his mind down the road creeps up. Is the only way to not have this hope is to keep getting down by H? I am really having a hard time completely accept that our M is over.