So froz and I take the 'test' last night in the love languages book. I wish we could have delved more into it, but at a first pass it doesn't seem to be much help.

According to it, we speak the same love languages.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I want to take the time to read it and form a more intelligent opinion about it.. but I was not super-impressed initially.

I will remain open minded and see what I uncover upon further review.

My findings thus far have lead me to some other ideas. Maybe we do speak the same 'love' languages

Maybe our difficulty is in communication and conflict avoidance, which is not how we 'love', but how we exchange ideas, make assumptions about each other, and view each others values, morals and beliefs. Maybe the love languages is an affirmation of I love her and she loves me yet we let other interactions erase the love given and received.

I just need to read it...

sorry for the ponderings of a simple man.

I think you may be right. Of course, it would be hard to say without actually having read the book yet <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />, but maybe the issue isn't with the sending of the message, but rather the way it is sometimes received. I think what you said about communication differences makes sense.

Also, I haven't found you to be the least bit simple.

Hi Patriot.

I think you may find a large portion of your communication issues right there

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make assumptions about each other
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and in making assumptions about what each other is thinking.

I am very proud of you two!

God bless,
Gimble

That makes two of us gimble <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Read the book sillies. and yes, you are each your own worst enemies to this marriage. You guys will be OK though I predict!

Really???????

I thought everyone thought we were doing horrible! Oops - there I go...making assumptions again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

(I really did think that)

I know I am the inquisitive "why, why" girl, but what makes you say so? We could both really use some positive affirmations (especially since it's our primary love language).

Hi, Frozen.

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I thought everyone thought we were doing horrible!
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Yea, look at those two batting back and forth WORKING OUT THEIR MARRIAGE.

The one sure way to fix a broken marriage, and to affair proof one for the future, is to communicate. That sure looks like what you two are doing to me.

You weren't expecting barefoot runs through flowered fields were you? Communication is hard work, and it can get pretty ugly at times. Keep at it!

God bless,
Gimble

You have both shown up and been willing to do the work, and you haven't run away.

Love is a choice.

You are choosing to love each other by doing the hard work of showing up and being willing to listen and learn.

Temper tantrums are to be expected, recovery is harder than Plan A.

I'll continue to say horrible stuff to both of you...but not because you 2 are a hopeless case...quite the opposite.

Yes.. and let's face it, if you have the same love languages, then you are on the right track to a rather smooth recovery. My fww have quite opposite love languages... I have to learn how to love her the way she likes to be loved! Not so for you two, just love your spouse the way YOU like to be loved and whamo, you've got the job done... and generally speaking, we tend to try and show our spouse we love them by doing things we'd like done for ourselves (which, as you read the book, you can discover might be totally the wrong love note for your spouse!) ...

Anyways.. I think you get my point. You guys got the love part easy, you just got to do the work of showing your spouse you love them! I REALLY HOPE SF WAS #2 for BOTH OF YOU! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

...with my hair flowing behind me and a daisy tucked behind one ear. No? Thanks, Gimble, for clearing up that little misconception for me!

Thanks for the "atta boys (and girls)". Feels good to be making any progress!

What a relief!!!!!! I thought EVERYONE thought I was a hopeless case!!!!!

This makes my day...really!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Pat cover your eyes! Froz! All the times I told you how hopeless Patriot was you thought I meant YOU?!?!?!? JUST KIDDING Pat! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> The only hopeless ones I know of today are my smelly feet. Peee YewW!

You two are merely annoyingly, charmingly, blessedly, thankfully in LOOOVE! I can't speak for anyone else, but here's what - your situation is not too different from what happened to me and Phil.

Phil??? Yooo HOOOOO? Phil???? Gee, he's not around. I wonder where he could be? Oh YEAH! I remember, he's walking around town with OW. I guess he doesn't want to come on MB and argue and mend and curse and vent with me.

Maybe I should take it personally? Or maybe you should? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> 'Cause you two keep deciding every day to be with each other. That's marriage. That's commitment. Yes, please. Gimme some of that!

Love to you both!
Sally