Sorry, but I'm getting a little frustrated. I've posted questions here a couple of times and I'm not getting any results. I lurked and learned for a long time and finally took the plunge and asked things that I hadn't seen addressed, so I'd really love it if somebody could give me some help.

Thanks.

Stumbling

Give it a good catchy title usually helps. You will get some good advice here don't give up .....

Any title about sex gets a good response, such as, "Are threesomes bad for the M?" and "What does God say about sexual positions?"

I posted a response to your initial post. If the A lasted 15 years as you said, how deep did you have your head stuck in the sand?

Urgent Help Needed, Need Help Now, etc. works.

Also, changing the name of your post to specifically fit your current needs also helps.....

I was going to say the same as the previous posters, but here's some additional thoughts:

When I see a 20-page thread I'm not already involved in, I kind of give up. I'd have to get a cup of coffee and spend an afternoon working on it. On the whole, frequent short posts are better than sagas, I think. (And if you're smart enough to have a link to your fuller thread, explaining your story, all the better.)

To state the self-evident, people often don't post when they have nothing to say. Hurting in OK, for example, is doing the right things -- I can keep posting to say "well done," but it seems to be a bit stupid. Also, when people present complex legal issues with mortgages, etc. -- I'm simply not equipped to answer. I've never owned a house. So don't think people aren't caring and reading because they aren't posting.

Also, I'd make your questions pointed, if you haven't. Instead of "So what do I do?", how about, "So how does one work with a spouse who is having sex with another person in your bed while you're trying to sleep?"

""So how does one work with a spouse who is having sex with another person in your bed while you're trying to sleep?""

Hey NOW!! I guess I missed that post...can someone bump that up!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Jimmy Mac,
Thanks for your help on the other post, but that post wasnt' the original that has the whole story. You may want to get more background from GQ--Another Broken Heart so you can see how relationship developed.(I don't know how to put in a link.) I thought she was just a friendly person--kissy, huggy. She has been that way since I have known her so there wasn't any change in her behavior. I guess when she gave me dishcloths for my birthday one year that it should have all been clear. By the way, when I asked my husband why he was attracted to me he mentioned my naivete. He used to complain that I let people take advantage of me; I thought I was just being the nice one. A lot has changed and I'm not sure I like the distrusting, paranoid person I am now any better.

Stumbling, here is a link to your original thread. another broken heart

Include the WHOLE story, or at least a summary if you start a new thread. Don't refer to a "go back and read..." Talk about your life like a story, and post often...with updates.
Also, acknowledge posts and refer back to advice folks have given...

Stumbling can you access his cell phone records on-line? Is it possible he has a secret phone to call her on? If you suspect contact there likely is.

Thanks FF for adding the link. I'll hit the right button and figure out how to do it eventually. I have strip searched his desk and car so if he's hiding a phone, I can't find it. But...she could have a phone and be calling him at work since they know I can't access those records. Another question: Can he act as happy and enjoyable as he has been and still be carrying on the relationship?

Still here, thanks for the advice. I'm getting more traffic now so I will certainly update.


Stumbling

I wanted to say that two things jumped out at me here:



You could start a covnersation with this. "WH, we need to quit acting like everything is OK." I think that might be a good start.

Also, you aksed if he could/would still be in a good mood if he had contact with her. I would say yes. Most definately. If he is in contact with her, then he is getting his "fix" and he would be in a good mood. That is not the only reason why he would be in a good mood, but certainly a possiblity.

My heart is breaking for you. You have EVERY reason to ask questions and expect answers. After all, after D day he was gone for a couple of weeks, and then decided to come back and work on his M with you. Well then, he needs to get to work.

You are a good person. You have value. You are worthy to be loved. You have every right to expect your H to be faithful. You have every right to expect your H to be truthful. If your best friend (not this lady - but a TRUE best friend!) were telling you this same story, and saying that her H had a 15 year A, what advice would you give her?