I knew WH would be pissed after I talked to OWH yesterday...but, he's gone completely nuts. He's threatening to take the kids and leave. "If you think this is a way to get a family back together..." Just now, I got a call from OW. I've never spoken to her before and barely spoke to her this time because she just yelled at me for 5 minutes and hung up. Both of them are saying incredibly mean things. Was this a mistake? I feel like everybody hates me.

Trixie, calm down. I haven't yet exposed, but I'm gearing up to do so, via letter & emails.

Classic WS response to exposure is fury, rage, blaming, "now you've done it" "how could you?" and other threats. It is part of the script. Don't apologize to him. Don't insult his lady love. He will only defend her to you.

Shortly the Exposure veterans will be posting you, offering support. You are very brave and you are fighting for your marriage and your family.

Don't listen to your WS's rantings and accusations. You aren't destroying your family. You haven't burned your bridges. You're shining a light on cockroaches, spraying disinfectant on bacteria. The cockroaches react by scramming into the walls, and they are NOT happy. The bacteria are shriveling up and shrinking away, and they are NOT going to thank you for the shpritz.

Okay, deep breath, you are going to be okay. Stay the course, okay, honey?

Hehe Trixie - Sounds like they don't like it. Oh well. Seems to me that they would be proud to have folks know about their "love".

But I guess OW's husband knowing what is going on is not so much fun. Too bad.

Stick to your guns - they are all as mad as wet hens, but they'll get over it.

Thanks so much. I just feel so alone sometimes. I've lost my H now I'm going to lose my kids to this woman. And for her to call and yell at me for hurting her family. I just feel like saying, you can have each other and all your misery. I better stop before I start my own pity party...

This is all on them. Your husbands words are typical. Ho hum, heard it all before. They always say that this is the final straw, they were going to work on the marriage, how could you hurt another family, blah, blah, blah.

So pat yourself on the back. You have done the best thing for your marriage. Tough if they don't like it.

Thanks, believer. It's gonna be a long weekend. I remember when I used to like weekends.

Just know that their weekend is going to be even longer than yours. Did you talk to the OW's husband again?

Trixie,


This is predictable. It's according to script. It's the way of things. Exploding fantasies is hard work chere, but it's the right thing to do. When H babbles at you "If you think this is a way to get a family back together...", take a cue from Orchid and babble back. "Yep, ending affairs keeps families together." or "No, having having affairs keeps families together". or even "No, fidelity keeps marriages together." Any of them will do hehehehehehehheheh. The important part is the delivery....calm, unbothered, not worried about his reaction.....complete confidence that you've done the right thing....because their reaction PROVES that you have. Let him rage....most times it won't last....and if it does, well that says way more about him than you chere. With exposure....here's the rule: Expect stuff to get worse before it gets better....and remember "It's always darkest before the dawn".

hugs!!

Good point, believer. I hope their kids aren't stuck in their crossfire this weekend. I talked to her H for a few minutes yesterday...he couldn't talk very long. He left me a vmail with a number to call him today. We spoke a little longer. Thanks to all of you here - believer, MelLane, hurtinginOK, whatagirl....

Thanks, star. You're right that his anger won't last. I just wish he'd get angry at someone else for a change. I'm sure you know how it feels to be blamed for: world hunger, war in Iraq, rain, his cheating, her lousy marriage...

We hear the "abusive" story hear all of the time. Yawn.

However you might want to keep an eye out for her. We had one BS that was attacked with a pool cue in the K-Mart parking lot, by the OW. It was right after the OW's husband was informed about the affair. She was just getting out of her car and was blindsided. She ended up in the hospital, with facial fractures, a broken jaw, and knocked out teeth. So pay attention to your surroundings.

Trixie,

Are you filled with anxiety and concern when you punish your children or won't let them have all the candy they see in the candy aisle? And they scream, and cry, and get red in the face, and try to puke, and get soooo mad, the veins stick out in their necks and foreheads.

You probably get embarrassed, and maybe a little angry at them for behaving so badly. YOU SHOULD FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT YOUR H AND HIS OW!!.

In fact when he is screaming at you about hurting the family of OW please think how much like children these two are. And try to remember this post and envision the faces of crying, blubbering babies in place of H's face while he is reaming you out. Might ease your pain. AND don't take it personally! This is an alien being you are dealing with, not your H.

And unfortunately you MUST PLAN A with your H. I'm sure the OW is giving him an earful. Plus, with the exposure, this is when the A will start to disintegrate. After OW gets the ultimatum from her H, and maybe NCs your H, things will start to change.

You must provide a safe haven for him to return to. You must start filling his love bank, and meeting his ENs to show you are the only one he can possibly be with....EVEN IF IT KILLS YOU TO DO IT.

He may hate you dearly for breaking up the A, but after time he will start coming to his senses, hopefully, go through withdrawal, be blue and morose for a time, and then realize, as he comes out of his fog/addiction, that he was a fool.

This is usually how the script goes.

k

Oh dear me, seems mean ole Trixie has ruint someone's AFFAIR! OMG!! Bad, bad Trixie! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Hang in there, hon, you did the right thing. The cockroaches are just FURIOUS because you turned the light on and ruined their party. The affair is now in it's death throes, thanks to you.

Don't let their fury scare you off. Just keep focused on breaking up the affair and don't let them scare you into shutting up. They will say or do anything to make you stop!

GOOD JOB!!

Good job Trixie. let them babble away its all in the script. You have done an awesome job. Keep up the good work. Finding the H in my sitch is almost futile, OW has been seperated for 6 yrs with no divorce and I have no idea where he is. But he probably would not care since they been apart so long....

Again Good Job !!!!!!!