Some days, you just can't win for losing. If you've followed my thread, my WH is trying to get into my Plan B.

Tomorrow, DD has a soccer game near my Inlaws house. I asked if they'd like to come and perhaps get some lunch afterwards. Since they've never seen a game, they were happy to come. Last night, MIL called to say they'd decided that after the game we could all go to their house for lunch. Suddenly, it morphed into WH coming also...quite a surprise since he hasn't made to any of DD's games in ANY sport all year.

I thought about it last night. Posted about it this morning and finally took some action. To WH, I sent an email through my intermediary that I meant what I said about not seeing him. I would not talk to him at the game nor would I go with him to his parents. The kids were more than welcome to go with their grandparents or dad. Then, I sent an email to my inlaws pretty much saying the same thing. I gave them a quick synopsis of Plan B. I said how it was hurtful to me to have to scramble for the crumbles of affections and attention WH scatters at whim. Same thing, I would never stop them from seeing their son or grandchildren. I just don't want to be a part of it.

A while ago, I got an email back from my inlaws. Somehow, this lunch had mutated into a birthday celebration for everybody. My inlaws feel that it would be in the best interest of all involved to just cancel the whole thing. They don't want to be put in "an uncomfortable situation". Why is it that everybody should be uncomfortable except the rat that keeps perpetuating the situation?

Talk about conflict avoidance! I can see where their son gets it from. Bear in mind that these are people who are extremely religious and go to mass at least twice a week. Apparently, they aren't making any moral judgements on their son. I don't think they've ever said, "Kiddo, what you are doing is wrong, wrong, wrong!" Instead, they're doing their best to make me feel that I am the cause of the current unpleasantness. If I just went along with it, we could have a lovely party tomorrow. It's cool. They are HIS parents. I expect something weird.

GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

p.s. I got the job and start on Wednesday after DS#1 goes back to school.

Grape:

To me, this is an indication of the effectiveness of PLAN B.

You are making a stand so that you are not the only one who is saying that the "EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES"...

Good for you, Grape Girl...

You were supposed to cave-in and go along with this. You stood your ground.

Shows you how your WH will stoop to get his parents to enable him when you choose not to do so. This may have been deliberate on his part.

Stay two steps ahead of him like you are doing....

I couldn't believe all the shrewd techniques, my FWH, who is a businessman, tried to use to get me out of PLAN B...

Well, well, well....I think you are quite right about this. I seem to be the only one taking a moral stand. I'm the only one who says "The man hasn't lived with us for the past 9 months. We can't pretend we're a family at his convenience. WH is the one who brought this upon us and keeps it going."

My inlaws did not show up for DD's soccer game although it was minutes from their house. WH did not show up. DS#1 and I watched the game. There was no score, so I guess that means it's a tie. DD did well. Interestingly enough, about an hour after the game, WH called DS on his cell to find out where we were and about the game. Did WH ask to talk to his DAUGHTER about HER game? Of course not. Was that WH's way of trying to break Plan B also?

It's interesting the lengths people will go to cut off their nose to spite their face. DD would have loved to have had her grandparents at the game. DS would have loved to seen his grandparents before he flies back to school. Instead of these very religous, moral grandparents saying they were uncomfortable and couldn't deal with it, they could have come by and said that they did it for their grandchildren. Geeze, if WH and I were to divorce, would there never be another birthday celebration again? I have refused to accept the blame.

Thanks everybody for your support!

Perhaps you'd like to read my thread about denial? This fits right in.

AM, you are so very right. All this denial about how we BS ought to just accept everything. Sometimes, I feel like shaking my inlaws and asking them "What does your priest say about this? Does your faith think you should not rock the boat and take a stand against infidelity just because it's your son? Does your fear that he won't talk to you justify turning a blindeye? Can't you see that your son is the one doing this? Why do you expect me to undermine my morals so you can feel comfortable? Why is this happy family charade so important to both you and your son? Don't you realize the power you have over your son? Strong words from you would have great effect."

If people who consider themselves to be so religious are such moral wafflers is there any hope? The consequence of these grandparents avoiding the confrontation is that they didn't get to see their grandkids. Did they say "Okay, we'll understand you not seeing WH. We'll work our celebration around it." No. Did they say "Sonny, this is a crappy way to treat your family especially dropping in and out of their lives." Probably not. Did they bury their heads in the sand? Most definitely.

The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree.

Your WH learned well from his parents...

How awful!!!