I need help with ideas for our 16th wedding anniversary in a month. The last few years, we had been drifting apart. The last time we had sex was 12/93.(Not my doing). I wanted something special for our 15th Anniversary(crystal), and found what I was looking for. I bought an ornament which was a crystal heart with a red heart inside it. When we went out to dinner and gave it to my husband, I explained why I chose it...So he could put it where he could see it, to remind him that he means the world to me, and will always be in a special place in my heart. It ended up in a corner on the mantel, still in the box(yea, he can really see it there). Not exactly what I had in mind.

Anyway, all last year I was suspicious that he was involved with someone else. I couldn't say anything until I had proof. I found the undeniable proof on May 1st, this year. When I discovered it, before I confronted him, I took a hammer to the crystal heart and smashed it into pieces. After I confronted him with it, I gave him the heart back, and told him that that is what he did to my heart...shattered it.

All last year we had been in independant counseling. We started couple counseling in March...More intensely since May. Our 16th Anniversary is in a month, and I'm not sure what to do. Any suggestions would be very helpful, and I'm sorry this is so long. Thanks!

Ow! That is a sad story. I am sorry we had to 'meet' under these circumstances but I'm glad you're here. Welcome to MB'ers!

How is your marriage today? I hope things are improved.

The forums tend to be a bit slow on weekends (I guess everybody posts instead of working during the week...). Also - try posting on the EN's section. Lots more traffic there. And the GQ section would be a good place for support and advice as you deal with the infidelity. [You'll see abreviations like DD (Discovery Day), EA/PA (Emotional Affair/Physical Affair), BS/WS (Betrayed Spouse/Wandering Spouse)]

In addition to everything you can read here - Basic Concepts and Dr Harley's articles, and the MB'ers Bookstore, may I suggest a book called 'The Five Love Languages'. You should then be able to identify your husband's 'Love Language'. And then, maybe you'll get some ideas about what would say 'love' in his 'language'. (I bet 'gifts' could be your love language.)

ghnl, Thanks for the advice. I have been reading a lot on relationships, and a lot here. After I found out for sure about WS affair, I read "surviving an affair". I can't seem to get enough info understanding how and why this happened to us.

My marriage today, doesn't seem to be much different than it was last week, month, or year for that matter. I still feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I also feel that he has made me feel like his affair, and the problems we've had in our marriage, are all my fault.

All I can do right now is put my Faith and Trust in God, for He is my strength.

Well, again - for more input about infidelity try posting on the GQ section. Lots of folks there with experience dealing with affairs. Just remember we're all 'just folks'. You'll get many POV's - your job will be to take what helps and leave the rest.
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