I'm new here and we've been trying to deal with this thing by talking w/ friends and a MC. It's been 3 months since d-day and we're still together. We have had good days and bad days since the A, but my W says she still has "feelings" for him. Sometimes it hurts so bad that my wife is in love with someone else. We have been in counseling since d-day and seem to be making progress. She says she wants to "feel" love for me, but it just isn't happening. I'm doing all I know to meet her EM. I point blank asked her if she feels I am meeting her needs and she said yes. There are days when she says she loves me so much and holds me and doesn't want to let go. Others, it's a struggle for her to be in the same room. From our conversations, she is coping with guilt, but she also tells me she misses him. She wants to be in his arms. She seems to feel better after our talks, but I feel pretty crappy. I will do whatever I need to to advance our progress, but I don't want to be her "girlfriend" or doormat. Is it normal for her to care this strongly after 3 months? If I continue working to meet her needs, how long could I expect this hurt/pain of shared love to subside?

Background - it was our neighbor/my friend and lasted for about 6 months. NC since 6/2/05. We still have to see them because they're next door, but there are no conversations.

Irkdad,

Welcome to MB forums from all that reside here. Get on the Just Found Out site and read WAT's guidelines and bobPure's compilation, both are excellent.

It appears that your WW has the A script down perfectly and with your reading here you can almost predict what will happen next, no kidding!

Get reading as per PLan A and B if necessary.

And oh by the way........................................EXPOSE EXPOSE EXPOSE

Sorry, but you might have to move. The Harley's suggest no contact for life. That means she can't even see him.

Or you could expose the affair to his wife, and maybe they will move.

Irkdad, your W is still in withdrawal from OM and it will take her longer to “get over” him as long as he lives next door. Even if she’s committed to NC and even if the contact is not deliberate and no conversations are taking place, it will still be difficult. It’s like expecting a alcoholic to sit next to a bar each day and not take a drink… Can you image how difficult this must be on you W and how tempting this situation must be for her? This current situation WILL prolong her withdrawal and personal recovery and considering the circumstances her, feelings IS very normal at this point (even after 3 months). I’ve been there myself, so I know what I’m talking about. I’m working at the same company than FOM and the accidental contacts now and then made withdrawal and personal recovery extremely difficult for me. It took me approximately 18 moths before all withdrawal symptoms disappeared – even though I was fully committed to NC, my H and M.

Also take a look at this thread. It will give you more insight into the withdrawl process.

lrkdad, I feel for you, am in the same boat, except WW is living down street with OM. At least your W is home and you can work on repairing your M. Plan A all the way, hang in there.