Hi can anyone help me, my partner is now living with OW, I found out about affair 4 months ago and have been to ****** and back since then. He did all the usual things lied about the reason why he wanted to end our relationship, then I eventually found out that he had an affair whilst I was overseas visiting my family in NZ. He phoned me when I was away to say he wasn't happy with our relationship and wanted to end it, I should state here that our daughter had just turned 1 year old at this stage. What do I do now, we have been living in separate places since June and now he is living with the OW, I am still emotionally attached to him after all he has done, and have only ever wanted to worked through the issues with our relationship in order to see if we could sort things out. Do you think there is any hope, or should I just give up?

Welcome to marriagebuilders. Thankfully you have found us. There is a lot of hope, so keep reading and posting here. Weekends are slow so you might want to post on general questions.

Start in Plan A. You can read all about it here. Also the affair needs to be exposed to people close to the two of you.

Hi Believer

Thanks for your reply, nice to hear some encouraging words. I have exposed the affair to his parents (via email a couple of weeks ago) haven't had a response and haven't had any reaction from partner either, so not sure if they are going to do anything. My friends know about it, but not sure if his do, not having contact with his friends, not even sure if he is either. I will read about plan A. I should also mention we aren't married we were living together, does that change anything? thanks again

It doesn't matter that you aren't married. You still have a relationship. Check out Plan A right away. That is the starting place.

How was your relationship before the affair happened? Were there problems that you can identify?

It was OK, we have had our problems in the past, like everyone else, but I thought that we were over them. In the past he has been flirtaous with other women which I have objected about, he said that I was being silly and too controlling and I needed to give him space. For me it underminded the trust in our relationship and I guess at times I reacted in an over the top way.

I have been to counselling and at the moment it is recommended that I have a break from him coming to see our daughter and for me to not see him. Do you think this is a good idea. I am at the end of my teether with him and find it difficult to not be very angry with him and it shows!

Can you tell me what plan A is? I think I have probably done everything that I shouldn't have, I have been angry, we have argued all the time and I keep reinforcing what a b**stard he has been. So now he is living with the OW. I feel I have helped to create this situation, and now I think he thinks that what is done is done and he has made his choice (the OW), is there really any chance that things can be worked out?