Alright, a very good friend made an observation recently that knocked me on my butt. She noticed that I've given my WH too much power. Whether or not I have a good day or a bad has depended on him. My entire life has revolved around him.

Friend is so right and that lack of control of my life is making me miserable. For the first time I can't do a darn thing to make things better it seems. I can only control me.

So, I've been chewing on this for a few days and I'm going to sign up for a couple of classes. Nothing heavy duty, just things to get me out of the house and back into life again (yoga, conversational Spanish). Plus, thanks to some others posts, I think it's definately time to make myself a little less available for WH.

Doing ok so far. Actually managed to mow my lawn and use the gas blower and gas trimmer without any help. It kicked my fanny, but I did it!

Here I am poised on the edge of self-discovery and refound self-reliance, but WH isn't calling!?! Haven't heard from him since Wednesday and now it's early Sunday afternoon. May not seem that long, but it's a long time for us. I won't call him (even though it's killing me to know what he's thinking/doing/etc.)

I know it goes back to giving away my own power, buy darn it, how am I going to show any change in attitude if he doesn't contact me? Am I whining? Guess I want permission to contact him from you guys. No, I haven't gone into a Plan B officially, just been thinking on it.

~ feeling some anxiety today.

Good for you. I completely changed my life after D-day. My WH also had too much power in our relationship. I don't think there is anything wrong with being close to a husband, and being very involved, but you also have to have a life. Time to get busy on that!!!!!

This {{{hug}}} is for you. Move forward with grace and dignity. Pay attention to Believier's posts. U have no idea how much she has been through and through it all she has been the beacon of light which her WS can't stand. Most WS' don't like light or truth. Shows too much of the WS, A and OP character flaws. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Thanks for the support.

I went out and ran a bunch of errands and took a moment to give him a call. I figured that way I would be able to keep it short and sweet.

I was upbeat and he asked me what I've been doing, did I do this or that, etc. I answered, but didn't give details like I normally do.

He mentioned that he went back to see his IC on Friday and that C told him he needed to sort things out for himself before he can work on anything with another person. Uh, ok. He says he needs to learn to accept himself for who he is and stop punishing himself for his past (past issues that do not include the A, not sure if C even knows about A)

I could feel myself getting tense so I pulled into the grocery store parking lot and said I had to go, talk to you later sort of thing.

I'm all for him sorting his stuff out and accepting himself, but why is it I'm expected to just sit and wait for him? I mean, why does he have to do this all alone? Why can't his wife be part of this journey? I wonder if his IC even fully knows about our marriage probs. I mean, he gets to go off and "find himself" and then come back and determine if I fit in his life. What kind of crap is that? I'm tired of him pulling all the strings in our marriage. I'm tired of being his puppet, because that's how I feel.

But, on the other hand, I'm not ready to just walk away. Maybe I should. I don't know. I hate all of this.

What do you guys think of what he's saying?

Orchid: Ok, that's his problem. He does have to work that out first.


Orchid: Smart girl.


Orchid: Now here 's where you need to refocus. View it from another angle. While he is out there 'working on himself', time will tell if this is a babble or real talk. You as the BS must learn t/b patient.

As for you sitting back? No, you have other options. While he is working on himself, you do the same but put some fun into it. Ok?


Orchid: So you are not ready to walk but you are not a wallflower either, right? Show off your best side but putting some spring into your step. Walk don't run. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />


Orchid: IMHO??? Hm..... he c/b using the IC"s words to give himself some slack.... stupid WS.... there is no slack. In time he has to pay the piper and show his improvements. That is where you will be able to clearly see whether its babble or real. His eyes and actions will tell. Just be patient.

BTW, your patience should come after your pray for a clear mind and calm heart. Reverse babbling can help eleviate some of the pressure that comes while you are patiently waiting for him to show you his 'improvements'. Don't be too surprised if it's babble 1st.

L.

Honestly, patience is my major challenge. Of course, you guys probably know that by now.

I think the reason I get so worked up when I hear him spew stuff like this is because I do think he's trying to buy himself some time or as you said Orchid, "give himself some slack." He is a major conflict avoider and just all around procrastinator in general. His answer to so many of his problems has been to just ignore them, hoping they'd just go away I guess. They never do, usually they've gotten worse, but he still has yet to learn that lesson.

I just feel like he's using his standard ignore-it-and-it-will-go-away approach with me.

Alright TA, you go!

I would love to learn to ballroom dance. In fact, my WH even agreed last week to start going to classes, but I just haven't signed us up. Not sure why not, except I feel like he's only doing it so he can learn for someone else. ::