Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at
mbrestored@gmail.com
|
|
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 1,780
Member
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 1,780 |
I've heard it often said to Plan A yourself. I would like to hear everyone's interpretation and ideas on what that looks like.
Thanks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
BS(me) - 40 FWH - 36
6 years of discovery. Now - one day at a time....
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
Purpose of plan A is to identify and implement improvements for yourself 1st, then your family/spouse.
It is not a matter of plan Aing yourself it is a matter of making improvements which will benefit yourself.
What do you think it is?
L.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,407
Member
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,407 |
[b]I asked Steve Harley the same question.
What exactly is Plan A?
Steve said Plan A is only 2 items:
#1. EXPOSURE of the Affair
#2. Working on YOU. Basically making yourself a better person. No LB's, disrespectful judgements, angry outburst, etc... Taking care of yourself both Emotionally and Physically.
That's it, period, end of story. Steve said "it is not about being NICE to your WS. It's NOT about buying them Candy or Flowers, etc...
It's about YOU. If the WS does NOT see REAL changes in you then they will NOT reconsider coming back. This is why it is important to live in the same household, so the WS can see real changes.
Steve said the changes have to be REAL and Permenant. If you deviate and go back to your OLD ways this will confirm to WS that you were ACTING and their actions of having an affair were justifiable.
Steve said "don't do more than you can handle." I was doing almost 100% of the housework and it was too much. Steve asked me if I was planning on making this Permenant? I replied "most likely NO." He said "back off and only do what you will continue with forever. I now do what I consider to be permenant changes.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Agree with everything TA said. I don't know that I would term it as Plan Aing "oneself" because that gives the impression that the goal is to embark on a massive self improvement campaign in the midst of a storm. That may be the result of the Plan A, but the GOAL is to bust up the affair and save the marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,042
Member
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,042 |
I really had a totally different slant on this.
I thought you meant Plan A'ing yourself by meeting your own top 5 EN's. You know, pampering yourself... day at a spa with a girlfriend, trip shopping, bottle of wine, nap in the hammock or beach, fun yoga class, reading... ... now I want a vacation <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />
|
|
|
0 members (),
649
guests, and
84
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,031
|
Most Online6,102 Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
|