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Hi-
Im at the point of this is not worth it....A person's heart can only take so much. I found out that my WH moved into a motel for a week (away from ow) and now he went back to her on saturday....he didnt even tell me or anything. He went to work , came by to see kids and we seemed to get close- very close. Now hes back with her........what the heck is this?????????
I gave him a letter saying that i have made mistakes in relationship , grown apart, etc. (this was before i knew about the move)and he tells me- you know the letter is a novel idea- but its not telling me anything new- i know how you feel about me and i dont feel the same right now. I told you i need sapce to deal with things. I have a lot on my mind- i said i dont seem to be oin your mind at all- he says you are. Im thinking what am I doing? people telling me you have a good woman and home and your giving it up for that?That he cant elp himself- its like a drug addict you have to hit bottom to see what your missing and right now I dont want to come home.
I asked a stupid - stupid thing- I said our anniv is coming up Sept 1- he said real mart like: Ill take you out for a glass of water or something. I looked at his *** and said screw you- he said im only joking.
He tells my daughter when he dropped her off- your mom gave me the letter- and i talked to her- I dont hate her- i love her but i need to work out things. He told her he had moved to another place- but now hes back with other person.
Why am I subjecting myself to this---there is no hope, no real change- and i feel used. I did think things may change- but after all that to find out he moved back with her and not me- what is the point????
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Winter:
Time and patience is necessary for this...
So sorry...
There are many of us that have recovered our marriages.
However, it did take time, patience and hard work...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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mimi-
what is happening here ?? Is this 2 steps forward and 15 back????? why would he move and not come home and then move back with her????
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Winter, sorry bout your weekend. Your H sounds just like my WW!! Quotes from her: "I know you are trying 150% to recapture our marriage, but I can't seem to do it right now." "I need time/space to figure out what is the best thing for a grown woman(50) to be at" " Inkwo you love me, aand I love you but..." Her cowrkers are saying the same thing what the heck are you doing? If you're trying to screw up your life, your doing it. And last but not least, she tells us she misses us, thinks bout us, and says she finds herself asking what the heck am I doing? All the while staying in his place.
I gave one of those same letters approx 2 weeks after d-day, and it got the same result. Hang in there!!!!
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yes mimi thank you for those words, I'm trying just as winter is.
Winter yes it does seem as if 2 forward 15 back and he can't come home till he wakes up I suppose. Seems as if he's still running.
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Thanks guys-
What do I do now????? He wants me to stay and face everthing but all hes doing is running.
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Winter and Big Wave:
My heart aches for you. It really does. I remember those days and wish I could take it all away from you...
Looking back on it for me, I think it's helpful to see this as like a chess game or a golf game, whatever... Better yet, see it as a WAR... You will be engaged in a series of battles. You will need to strategize.. The goal is to be the WINNER of each battle..
Regardless of the outcome, whether you recover your marriage or not, YOU WILL BE A WINNER. Why? Because this will make you stronger as a person. Really, today I feel like I'm a better person. Also, you will know that you would have done all that YOU could do to save your marriage.
That being said...
Winter, I don't see you as falling behind in your situation. There are lots of good signs. Your letter was a great idea. Even though, your WH says that he is not responding to it, he actually is and is soaking in what you said to him in the letter. Most importantly, he is beginning to realize that he has A PROBLEM. That is always an important first step, to accept and acknowledge that you are addicted to a drug. He sounds just like my FWH in what he is saying... He can't find a way to get away from her... he will have to suffer some more...
From my experience and understanding, it's particularly hard for them to break up in a LOVE AFFAIR...There's a lot of BREAK UP TO MAKE UP passion and drama involved...This is not "REAL LOVE". This is an addictive kind that is self-destructive and lustful....
TIME AND PATIENCE, WINTER....
It may take PLAN B...just not yet...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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you face things and hope he gets tired of running, and at the same time you take the advice you gave me last week, buck up and hang in there. Which is easier said than done, I know. I occasionally have a self pity party.
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{{{hugs}}} I feel like I am in the same place you are right now, except that WH is still at home and will probably only leave if I make him leave, and boy, is that a tempting idea sometimes.
crazyfool <-- That's me
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i know- this party definately is not the social event of the year!
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Hi-
Im at the point of this is not worth it....A person's heart can only take so much.
I agree, this is the toughest thing you will ever do. NO matter what happens you will walk away a better person and realize that maybe a new start is best for you.
Someone here said it best "Hope for the best, but prepare for the WORST." I think of this motto about once every friggin hour.
I found out that my WH moved into a motel for a week (away from ow) and now he went back to her on saturday....he didnt even tell me or anything.
Right now he is mentally screwed up and doesn't care what you think, he could care less.
He went to work , came by to see kids and we seemed to get close- very close.
Don't believe ANY of their ACTIONS/WORDS good or bad, NONE. This reconcilition takes months just to start and years to recover. I'm going on one year next month and it suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. My wife is F'n miserable, haven't had SEX since last JULY, 2004, no kisses, hugs, nada, zilch, zero,...
Now hes back with her........what the heck is this?????????
He is addicted to her and wants to continue the affair because there is NO baggage with her and to face his actions with you is too much work and too painful. He also hasn't seen enough changes from you.
She makes hime feel great, you can't at this point. He needs his FIX more than ever during this crisis.
He has not hit bottom yet, he will.
I gave him a letter saying that i have made mistakes in relationship , grown apart, etc. (this was before i knew about the move)and he tells me- you know the letter is a novel idea- but its not telling me anything new- i know how you feel about me and i dont feel the same right now.
No letters, No relationship talk, No affair talk except he needs to stop seeing OW and no contact.
Have you taken out a Billboard and exposed to everyone?
I told you i need sapce to deal with things. I have a lot on my mind-
He wants to continue having his affair without you bugging him. He also does not want to see you or the kids because it reminds him what a bad person he is and he is screwing up bigtime.
i said i dont seem to be oin your mind at all- he says you are.
You are on his mind. He is trying to figure out a way to Divorce you and get this over with as easy as possbile and to save face. It is your job to turn him around thru Plan A, Plan B, and stall tactics in divorce proceedings.
Im thinking what am I doing? people telling me you have a good woman and home and your giving it up for that?That he cant elp himself- its like a drug addict you have to hit bottom to see what your missing and right now I dont want to come home.
I asked a stupid - stupid thing- I said our anniv is coming up Sept 1- he said real mart like: Ill take you out for a glass of water or something. I looked at his *** and said screw you- he said im only joking.
No, he wasn't joking. He doesn't givea F about you at this point. He is trying to appease you to let him leave the marriage ASAP and as easily as possible.
He tells my daughter when he dropped her off- your mom gave me the letter- and i talked to her- I dont hate her- i love her but i need to work out things.
He's lying. Trying to make himself look like the good guy to his children. Making excuses already.
He told her he had moved to another place- but now hes back with other person.
He needs his "FIX" and it is NOT you, it's her (the Wh*re).
Why am I subjecting myself to this---there is no hope, no real change- and i feel used. I did think things may change- but after all that to find out he moved back with her and not me- what is the point????
Every BS feels the same way. You obviously still love him or you wouldn't be here asking for help. The bible says you are allowed to Divorce him for cause (adultery) and you will not have committed any sin. The choice is yours and no one will fault you. God has has given you permission "if" you want to. He doesn't say you "have" to.
Both of you are acting TEXTBOOK.
Would you like us to tell you his NEXT move?
Andrew
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Hopefully they are short parties. Mimi gave some good advice. I spoke to my WW the other day and said to her" YOu've had 2 yrs to develop this situation, and I've had 8 weeks to digest and live in it, and I can't fall out of love with you in that short of time. I want to work on us and will try to stay true to that, but who knows for how long. OM told WW he gives her a month in his place and thinks she'll go home, as he said your H is not going to let you go.
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OM told WW he gives her a month in his place and thinks she'll go home, as he said your H is not going to let you go. What does that mean? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
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I took it as OM thinks WW will go back home as he knows that she misses us and her dogs,home etc.. OM said your H won't let you go, as he loves you too much and also I think they are wallowing in guilt over the whole situation, you see he's a neighbor and was a friend, so he knows me personally.
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I doubt they are "wallowing in guilt"....
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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probably right mimi, but it was something she said, and I know you can't believe anything they say. But it did make me feel better for a while. It really hurts, cause I don't think she thinks about me during the day. I long for a phone call etc. I am a good man, I may have had a part in this, but I have recognized it and working on bettering myself, as I will never want to go thru this crap again.For now it's still early 8 weeks from d day 1 week since she left to be with him. You know one time she actually said to me" that she wished she could try it (with him) out for a while, so she could go through life without a "What if?".
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Hi-
Im at the point of this is not worth it....A person's heart can only take so much.
I agree, this is the toughest thing you will ever do. NO matter what happens you will walk away a better person and realize that maybe a new start is best for you.
Someone here said it best "Hope for the best, but prepare for the WORST." I think of this motto about once every friggin hour.
I found out that my WH moved into a motel for a week (away from ow) and now he went back to her on saturday....he didnt even tell me or anything.
Right now he is mentally screwed up and doesn't care what you think, he could care less.
He went to work , came by to see kids and we seemed to get close- very close.
Don't believe ANY of their ACTIONS/WORDS good or bad, NONE. This reconcilition takes months just to start and years to recover. I'm going on one year next month and it suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. My wife is F'n miserable, haven't had SEX since last JULY, 2004, no kisses, hugs, nada, zilch, zero,...
Now hes back with her........what the heck is this?????????
He is addicted to her and wants to continue the affair because there is NO baggage with her and to face his actions with you is too much work and too painful. He also hasn't seen enough changes from you.
She makes hime feel great, you can't at this point. He needs his FIX more than ever during this crisis.
He has not hit bottom yet, he will.
I gave him a letter saying that i have made mistakes in relationship , grown apart, etc. (this was before i knew about the move)and he tells me- you know the letter is a novel idea- but its not telling me anything new- i know how you feel about me and i dont feel the same right now.
No letters, No relationship talk, No affair talk except he needs to stop seeing OW and no contact.
Have you taken out a Billboard and exposed to everyone?
I told you i need sapce to deal with things. I have a lot on my mind-
He wants to continue having his affair without you bugging him. He also does not want to see you or the kids because it reminds him what a bad person he is and he is screwing up bigtime.
i said i dont seem to be oin your mind at all- he says you are.
You are on his mind. He is trying to figure out a way to Divorce you and get this over with as easy as possbile and to save face. It is your job to turn him around thru Plan A, Plan B, and stall tactics in divorce proceedings.
Im thinking what am I doing? people telling me you have a good woman and home and your giving it up for that?That he cant elp himself- its like a drug addict you have to hit bottom to see what your missing and right now I dont want to come home.
I asked a stupid - stupid thing- I said our anniv is coming up Sept 1- he said real mart like: Ill take you out for a glass of water or something. I looked at his *** and said screw you- he said im only joking.
No, he wasn't joking. He doesn't givea F about you at this point. He is trying to appease you to let him leave the marriage ASAP and as easily as possible.
He tells my daughter when he dropped her off- your mom gave me the letter- and i talked to her- I dont hate her- i love her but i need to work out things.
He's lying. Trying to make himself look like the good guy to his children. Making excuses already.
He told her he had moved to another place- but now hes back with other person.
He needs his "FIX" and it is NOT you, it's her (the Wh*re).
Why am I subjecting myself to this---there is no hope, no real change- and i feel used. I did think things may change- but after all that to find out he moved back with her and not me- what is the point????
Every BS feels the same way. You obviously still love him or you wouldn't be here asking for help. The bible says you are allowed to Divorce him for cause (adultery) and you will not have committed any sin. The choice is yours and no one will fault you. God has has given you permission "if" you want to. He doesn't say you "have" to.
Both of you are acting TEXTBOOK.
Would you like us to tell you his NEXT move?
Andrew
Yes what is his next move? Wow I guess that is in black and white what I needed to hear and dosent seem to be any hope or need to work on anything. Im thinking I should have left and moved when this all started. So all this is for nothing....huh?
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I didn't say this did I? Did you miss my last post to you?
I said that your situation looks positive....
Stop this, WINTER...STOP....
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Are you kidding? There is a Ton of hope. The fight has just begun (forgot who said that "Churchill?") You NEED to SAVE your husband from HIMSELF. He is making the biggest mistake of his life and doesn't know it (yet). You need to be the Strong one for him and your children. He is weak, stuck in an addiction and doesn't know how to get out of it. Trust me, I am NOT saying this to make you feel good or think this is hogwash. This is NOT about saving you. You did NOTHING wrong to start affair. This is your husbands doing and only his. You can and will hold your head high. You can walk away proud if this marriage doesn't work out. Dr Phil says "YOU have to EARN your way OUT." YOU have done nothing so far. --------------------------------------------------------- I thought my marriage was F'n over last September, I mean over. My wife was "IN LOVE" with OM and she told me she couldn't wait to have SEX with him, she couldn't control herself any longer.
Told me she was Masturbating more than ever and wanted the real thing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
Talk about a blow to my HUGE male ego. I can't even describe how it felt.
I still can't believe she said that to my face. She said "go ahead and KILL me, I don't care, get out your gun and blow my F'n head off. I'd rather be dead than NOT be with him. I want to have SEX with him over and over. He's the NICEST GUY in the WORLD. You should really meet with him, you'll see why I love him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
You and I can still be friends.
I KNOW YOU NEED "ME" in your life and you can't function without talking to ME daily. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ---------------------------------------------------------- I was F'n devestated and still am. The women I was in love with for 28 years with 2 beautiful, gifted children, wanted to Spread her Legs with OM and NOT me. I'm trying to control myself so I don't Beat the F out of him. I'm 6'3 220 lbs and I plan on doing some serious bodily harm when all this crap is over regardless of how this turns out. I can't wait until I see the look on his face when we meet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> 2 weeks ago she BEGGED me to stay together and NOT divorce her. WTF? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Said she is no longer with OM, she stopped the affair 8 months ago. I hired a PI last week to follow her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I guess Plan A worked. I'm going to Plan B January 3, 2006 (4 months) if she doesn't show TRUE remorse. I can't wait, call it revenge if you will. Her life will be so F'ed up she we will want to commit suicide. You have a long way to go, you haven't earned anything yet. Is your husband and your children worth saving?
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yeah- my children are and I think hes worth saving- it just when I read the respone TA- it really looked like - no hope. It was just the reality is so cold.
TA- (((((((hugs))))))))- sweetheart- I know how you feel (we all do) When I feel like I want to hurt him- I bless him. You know why? I know God knows my heart- he knows nothing ive done could have caused my husband to turn to another as a solution to anything in our marraige.
When push comes to shove - I dont have all the anwers and cant see in the future- but everyday I get a little stronger. 2 weeks ago i couldnt even get up off the floor and now the tears dont flow as easily.
I cant lie down and give up because ive got 3 kids that need me. It seems like when I have been at the darkest and most hurtful place- one of them comes up and i hear the sweetest song in my ear.....they say I LOVE YOU MOM. Dont worry we are going to take care of you - we love you no matter what- I used to tell them that every night when I put them to bed. I will love you no matter what.
I know our spouses have lost their ay, senses, say anything and everything to hurt and blame us for life going wrong and they dont want to see what there doing to us because this feels good and the other person could care less. How do you think I feel when they break up and get back together- and this nut wont even work with me???????
Not yours MiMi/big wave. - yours have been very positive and nuturing
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