Do you have your own thread?

What's YOUR PLAN?

Mimi
I'm in I guess Plan A for now, but it's hard when she is with him.She did send me an email detailing that she has seen some positive changes I'm making for me,us and family.
She was cake eating for so long, that DD16 got fed up with her on the night of 8/21/05 and packed her bags and told her to stop hurting us.It's only been a week, and confirmed affair by her was on 7/4/05 , started 18 mths ago.I know that WWis not"happy" where shes at, but she figures she made the bed etc.. I told her that I am keeping a door open for now, and that I want us to be together again. I just think she is so Fogged up. Her mom,sis and rest of family can't understand this either. I miss my wife. But as she said she wasn't going to leave, but at same time she wasn't going to stop seeing him.DD said dad we're better off until she wants us again. I miss my wife.

Your WW moved out?

yes, down the street, with OM who had moved out of his house. Small crossroad community. Believe me it's all exposed.But they are in love, personally I think some of this is mid life, WW is50. He is nothing like me . I can't figure her out, a friend of hers told her noce yourr supposed to trade up not down. Personally I give our reconciling chances a big fat zero. OM told her she'll move back home in a month. She says we will always be friends...yada yada

I'm still confused. So who packed the bags? Are you saying that your daughter packed her M's bags?

How old is the OM? Does he have a wife and family?

Yes DD said M couldn't make a descion, so we did. WW confirmed that she was content to stay, but wouldn't stop seeing him. She is a very selfish woman. DD couldn't take affair either,personally she beat me to the punch.
He is 41 with wife and 2 kids. They had a loveless marriage and my wife talking with him helped him, before you know it full blown EA.600-700 minutes a month on cell. Confronted her many times but, we're just friends.
Personally it won't work, they already had 2 "fight/arguments" over her independent streak, and for her talking to me.
My situ is totally disfunctional. But I persevere and know that I will be a stronger,confident, and caring man by addressing myself .

(((((((hugs)))))))

thanks winter ... She maybe flawed but I miss my wife

Forgot to tell you Mimi, that all of her corkers have tried to tell her shes going down a slippery slope, as well as family members. I guess some people have to touch the fire to determine it's hot

How about you, personally, without your DD knowing about this, asking your WW to return home so that you can work on your marriage?

Tell your WW that this is NOW STRICTLY BETWEEN YOU AND HER.

Your DD should not have such a major role in this.

Was your DD's intrusion a problem in your marriage?

What is the position of the OMW's? Don't they ALL say they had a "loveless" marriage?

OM's marriage was truely loveless. I guess OM andWW had each others shoulders to cry on.
DD and WW have butted heads for years, and I can't do anyhting bout that.
DD started something and in emotion I went along with it. Was tired of her "flaunting this relationship" in my face daily!

Hva offered WW to come home and we can work this, she is laying low for a while.

WW is in the "going to be in this situation a while", frame of mind.I suppose I just need to take care of me , not call or wonder, and go forward.

How can you know this for sure? NO WAY!! I don't buy this...

Bigwave, this is between you and your WW! Your daughter will be leaving and moving on with her life soon. Your wife wants to feel that she is number one in your life....

Bigwave, how can you let your DD be in charge of what happens in your marriage? This is dangerous for you and her.



What does "laying low" mean?

Have you had a private face to face conversation with your wife about this?

Do you want her to come home, Bigwave?

yes I do want her home.
And no DD is not in charge. But I think WW and I were being namby pamby bout the whole situation and truthfully. I may be better off without WW.

Laying low, shes just going to stay there and see what transpires. TRuthfully I give them 3 months. As he is an overprotective, headstrong and WW knows that he may not be the bees knees.
Where as she is an independent freethinker who thinks they "met for some reason". Hogwash, but I can't fix thinngs that she says led her to this affair. Just acknowledge them and make myself better.

With thoughts like this, it seems like you don't want her back home.

IMHO, Big, you will need to make the decision to start battling for your marriage...

You are handing her to him or whomever on a silver platter if you just sit back.



Why not,BIG?

This is exactly what is recommended in order for you to reconcile with her. Let her know that you can and will change...

Have you read up on this site about PLAN A?

Mimi,
the truth is I do want her back home and have told her as much!!She has seen some changes in me. So I have been working on the situation.
Yesterday I was just having a bad day. I try to remain a light and have told her, she needs to come home, but she insists that she is fine. But thats her defensive speaking as I know she misses us and her home etc.
I take it day by day and try not to LB.

What are the changes that she wants you to make?

How are you demonstrating the changes?

1-being more of a leader in the home, rather than team approach. It was hard due to she is very headstrong, and she needs to adjust also.
2-communicating more and revealing thoughts, rather than the phrase-nothing.
3-more of the money manager.
I did tell her that she has had 2 yrs to develop this with OM, and I've had 8wks to digest it, and I can not fall out of love with her in a week or 2.

some of this may be 2 little 2 late, but it will benfit me personally in the long run. Even her family doesn't fully understand her actions as well as friends of 25 yrs.
I continue to remain positive and reassure her that she has a place in our home.

So if you invite her over to the house to talk, WITH DAUGHTER GONE, will she come?

She probably will as we have to go over "our new" budget to inckude seperate house holds.
Actually I have been very good at keeping the peace between them and DD isn't really an issue. But I don't want her there so we can speak freely.
I still do things for WW, working on horse barn etc as it is important to her and it helps stir the memory pot. This may be a mistake I'm not sure.
Also- do I wait for her to call me, rather than call and check on her etc.. I hate all of this