Hi there and welcome to this board.
You sound like you have a very comforting personality. You call your husband "hubby!"
I'm just going to do some guessing here. Also, I think it's fair for me to say that there's a big part of me that believes we marry people to resolve problems in them and ourselves. That somehow, we seek out the people that will bring the problems and conflicts to the surface, so that we can resolve the conflicts.
So, I'm going to assume that the fights are there for a good reason, it's just that the two of you are not going about it in a way that will resolve conflict.
So, you're fighting about little stuff. Yep, that happens, girl, it happens a lot. The little stuff ain't little. It's just a little indicator that leads to some big issues. When you're mad about some little thing, there might be a deeper anger, or even something from your past that the little thing triggered.
For example, my wife closed the door on me while I was playing piano once, and I was hurt. I remembered that my dad used to close the door with a thunk while I was practicing as a kid, and my wife actually didn't mean anything by the "way" she closed the door. It was all about my past, it was about my dad.
So, all these little things, they have "treasures of understanding" behind them. And maybe your hubby can start believing in the big "treasures" behind the little things that start all those heated arguments.
About the porn. It's an easy release. It's a sin and he knows it, otherwise he wouldn't hide it. He's ashamed, but he needs the release. Some people call it an addiction, but I find that extreme. The man needs a release, because he's a man, but sex with you would "force" him to overcome particular emotional blocks and entanglements from his past.
Having sex with someone you love is not the "easiest" thing. We access all kinds of blocks, problems, and emotions. Yet when the love is there, when forgiveness and understanding are there...simple principles, not complicated...then sex can be incredibly healing.
So, your hubby is jerking off to the computer. You feel physically abandoned. But he's not really abandoning you physically, he's avoiding some emotional issue that you, bless your happy soul, have helped him access. The thing is, he doesn't understand what that emotional issue is. That's why you're in his life. You might not "know" what the issue is either, but if you tell him you love him and you hold him, and you tell him how much of a man he is, comfort him, but make sure you tell him how strong he is, and you add your own, very special personal touch, which might be different than what I've described...he might just be able to open up.
He might cry, he might get enraged, he might need to pound something. But you might just start unraveling the knots, you might start healing, together. Eventually, my guess is that it will become fun!
Are you part of some kind of group? Anything really, doesn't have to be a counseling group, just something. Hiking, church, dancing, really anything...might help to solidify y'all as a family.
Peace and take it easy,
D--
