We have been married for 17 years with 4 children. 16 b 12 g 5 b 3 g. We were 19 when we were married and everyone said we would not make it. We are both 36 now. I have been a terrible H and have had several A in the early part of our marriage. Just recently had A 2 years ago. W stayed home with the children most of the years. She took a job a year ago the required her to travel. Just found out 5 days ago she has had 2 one night stands and claims she has found the one for her. Or at least she is not sure at this time but is afraid to pass up this opportunity. She says that she never loved from the beginning and is now being honest with her feelings. I am devasted. I have moved to plan B but had one last conversation with her today through email. Here is a copy of that.

Wife,

This will be my last contact with you regarding our marriage. I want you to know that I am truly sorry for the things I have done in the past. I am very regretful for the choices I have made in my life. I am sorry for intentionally hurting you. I pray that someday you will forgive me. I don't expect you to forgive me right now and I know if you tell me you do forgive me it would not be real. Just please remember that I am TRULY SORRY and when you do come to terms with what I have done and feel you can forgive please let me know. I feel that I have been forgiven by Heavenly Father and can not and will not ever go back to that person I was. I have already began to forgive you and hold no bad feeling towards you. I wish the best for you and pray that you find what makes you happy. I know when you decide to turn to the Lord he will forgive you and welcome you with open arms.


My heart to yours forever,

Husband



Husband,

I completely agree with you and know that I do forgive you and take full responsibility for what I created in the relationship as well. I know in my heart I have to move forward and can only hope that you love me enough to understand this and know that it is not about him or you. This decision is about me and for once being openly honest about the way I feel. You are a wonderful man and person who deserves only the BEST in life and I know that I can not give that to you. I am going to be here for you no matter what and will support you in any way that I can. I am your friend, your teacher, and your student. I want to give our children the best out of this situation and know that I am hopeful you will not sabotage me in front of them. I do want to continue a relationship with you just not in a marriage. I want us to be true friends as I have learned so much from you. I can't deny any longer that my feelings for you have not been out of the love that I have always desired to have in my life. I have always felt that something was missing and this is not on you. THIS IS ON ME. It is not your fault what so ever. All those years of you complaining that I didn't love you and me denying it for the sake of marriage and our children. You were always right and I am so sorry that I robbed you of being loved in the way you should have been loved. Yes, you do have an issue to deal with about engaging in life and I feel confident that you will do GREAT things with your new found ensight. I am not going to continue doing the party seen. I will someday make it back to being worthy. YOU can COUNT on that for sure. I do know that I do want to be sealed forever to you and the children. Please feel free to stay in contact with me. I am not mad at you what so ever and will never harbor any ill feelings against you. However, I know that I would if I stay and that is not fair to you or me. Please make a committment to take care of yourself and that we will promise to stay focused on what is best for the children.

My love to you always and forever,

Wife

I need some advice. Will she ever get through the fog? Is it the fog that is talking in this email?

Meanwhile we have put the house up for sale and I am left to move to a rental with my 4 children by myself.

She has asked to move her home office to whern the OP lives, do I call her boss and let them know her modives for this move?

What do I do when she wants to come over for my sons birthday in 2 days? I am trying to be understanding and want things to be pieceful. Is she have cake and eating too?

Any advice is welcome.

Expose the affair to everyone or else you are simply enabling the affair to continue. She ditches you and her 4 children? Expose to everyone and especially her boss and family and friends. I wish you luck.

HurtandScared,

Call your bishop. Now. This is not something that you can deal with alone. Not only do you need the support of the church to get this straightened out for your past (if you haven't already), you now need their help and support as you deal with your wife's transgression which may result in her excommunication.

You're a long way away from making deals with her about being friends, eternal companions etc. Friends don't do this kind of thing to each other. Her actions are not consistent with someone that would want to have an eternal relationship with you. She's also a very very long way away from temple worthiness - so her statements aren't even appropriate at this point. Unless she turns her life around, temple marriage will never be an option that will even be open to her. You, on the other hand, may choose to move on with your life and find a worthy mate for time and eternity.

Pendragon

I suggest as you have responsibility for the kids you DO NOT leave the family home & sell it.
Go get a temporary order giving you custody and getting support from her for the kids.
YOUR KIDS COME FIRST in this mate in my opinion.
Why should they go through added trauma of leaving their home because your WW abandoned the home & children so she could cheat? NO WAY
Time to stand up and be counted and do not let the past guilt damage your kids.

YES do expose to her boss..it helps destroy the A

I can't afford the home on my income so this is the reason for selling. Part of me does not want to sale so that she would still have a commitment to the family financially and the other part of me says she will become jealous of the new life the children and I will be enjoying. She seems determined to see this guy no matter who I tell. I feel that telling her boss she will just think this is another thing I have ruined for her and just dive deeper into her hole and resent me even more.

Thanks to everyone that is posting.

W says she agrees with plan B but will continue to communicate directly with the kids. I do not feel I should stop her from doing this.