I just packed a bag for D10 and I to go to Vienna. I need to renew D10's US passport and we'll stay with a friend for a couple of days.

I forgot to pack my meds, so was without them for 3 days while in Vienna. The first day was crummy, I had this weird feeling of angst and impending doom weighing on my shoulders the entire day. Literally, my shoulders and neck really ached. The next two days were better, just puking in the morning and diarhea all three days, and little sleep in the night... thoughts churning away. Still, outwardly, I did fine and was able to act cheerful and I don't think that D10 or anyone else noticed.

D10 and I returned from Vienna on Tuesday. She called the frog prince from her cell phone from the train home and he offered to take off work early to come pick us up. No greeting kisses, so I didn't offer them either, just a friendly hello and thank you for picking us up. He wanted to do something with D10, but I told him we had already planned for the evening (which we had) and D10 was tired and dirty to boot. I offered that he make dinner for her the next day and that she sleep over at MIL's with him, since I would be out the whole day until fairly late in the evening on a work project.

That was the only interaction since telling WH that I had exposed to his boss. The frog Prince is still angry and avoiding contact with me. I'm not chasing him. I remain friendly and polite, but not reaching out to him ... a total 180°. I have an appointment with SH on Friday. I plan to talk to him about Plan B.

Other than that I am back on my meds and feeling stable again. I have enough contracts to keep me busy from now until Christmas. The girls start school next Wednesday. D10 will enter the same school as D17. D17 will graduate in spring.

LT,

Good to hear from you. So the frog is pretending t/b a prince? Oh yuck..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Well it is good he is showing interest in his children but you know, children need more than that. Sadly most WS' can't be good parents and bad mates. We come as a 1 pkg deal, this family stuff.... which is sooo anti-A. LOL!!!

Hope U R feeling better. Sorry you were sick on your holiday.

Btw, me thinks u got 2 2 many boundaries. Rethink this and make your boundaries about you and for you.

Hugz,
L.

Thanks, Orchid!

Maybe I don't "get" this boundary thing. Can you give me example suggestions of boundaries and implementations?

Originally my boundary list was long. It contained a lot of WS' don'ts. Then I realized, I can't control the WS. Also I didn't want a WS in my home.

So I was instructed to concentrate on me. That meant the boundaries setup were made by me and for me.

My long list ended up whittling down to 1 thing:

"The OW would not be allowed to ruin my life."

That included NC with the WS. AS long as he was a WS, then NC with him was a necessity for me. Each time contact was discovered and it didn't matter what kind of contact, so even the slightest kind qualified for plan B. Each return came with higher stakes. In our cases if I suspected contact, he c/b asked to leave and this was done. Oh yea, he swore there wasn't any contact but I could smell a rat. You know, after a few times of this, you get quite good at when contact began. I would tell him something didn't smell right and sure enough, confession would soon follow.

I firmly believe OPs stink and so do WS'. Part of the A disease..... bad hygiene. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

L.

Thanks, Orchid. I do get it now.

Stay tuned for my new Plan B thread, coming soon to a theatre near you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Hope you'll continue to support me there!

I expect I'll be getting SH's go ahead tomorrow ... I've done enough of Plan A, if I continue this route, I will soon loose all respect and love I am keeping for H.

LT,

You've got us in your corner.

I also have trouble with boundaries. I basically just started with the one thing I knew for sure, and everything else flows from it: I will have nothing to do with WS until OW is out of the picture (PBL).

How long does your WS have before he needs to get back to his boss with decision?

You sound like you're getting ready for PLAN B, if you have to go there. Hopefully, your WS will see the light.

{{{{{LT}}}}}}}

Thanks Luna!

The offer from WH's boss to transfer Skunkypoo is open-ended. All he needs is WH's agreement to do so.

WH has hardly spoken to me since his convo with his boss, so I assume that he plans to try to remain sitting on the fence.

It is time for me to extract myself from this triangle, from his yo-yoing.

My boundary will be the same ... no contact with WH as long as Skunkypoo is still in the picture.

We are expecting lots of visits from old friends over the next month. A friend from Australia is coming to stay for 3 weeks. A friend from India is coming for one week. Another couple is coming from wine country to spend a few days here. I have lots of dinner parties and wine tastings planned. WH would just love to put up a facade of perfect host-husband-father for everyone... it will be a relief to be free of his psycho-terror and chaos. He used to love these dinner parties and wine-tastings until his A. Then suddenly he said they got on his nerves and that I was far too extravagant. I didn't realize that the A was going on. I tried to make the invitations simpler, less frequent, and smaller, but he still complained. I think the real reason was that in the back of his tiny WS brain he actually felt some guilt for me waiting hand and foot on he and Skunkypoo (who was invited to most of the parties as she and her H were our best "couple" friends)! Now I won't have to feel guilty and I can cook up a storm just like in the good ol' days!

With WH living right next door, he is sure to hear all the music and laughter and smell the good smells.... I hope it will bring back a lot of good memories and wonderful history.

quote:-------------------------------------------------
The offer...to transfer Skunkypoo is open-ended.... assume that he plans to try to remain sitting on the fence...time for me to extract myself from this triangle
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You said it all! Enjoy your friends' company. You deserve it.

Hugs.